Bouncing Back
by hiei1317
Summary: Sequel to my story Promise. Please r and r this, but I would recommend reading and reviewing, please Promise first, since it will make more sense. SasoriDeidara
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Bouncing Back

**Rating**: M for:

-yaoi (yes, that's including male/male sex)

-violence

-rape

-language

**Summary**: Sequel to Promise (read that story first, trust me, it'll make more sense, really!)

**disclaimer**: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

**a/n**: Alright, so I know it's been a while since I posted, but I was being really lazy, writing this, and not typing it… so really there are like 10 chapters (well 9 full ones and working on 10) to this story already, but I really only have this one typed. Enjoy!

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SASORI POV 

I feel a chill run over my arms, and down my spine. I feel my entire body wash from a comforting warm to a chill, and a throbbing pain wracks through my body. I'm awake once more. Shit, this hurts.

I try to move, only to hiss as another shot of pain registers from my thighs and my ass. A slight pressure against my back, just a spread hand from the feel of it, causes me to jump and without thinking I'm sitting up. Another shot of pain runs through me and I moan, doubling over.

"Sasori-danna…" I remember now, "It's alright, it's just me, un."

Deidara… how could I forget? The things he said, the things he did, the things he promised… the things I promised…

I moan again and look up at his worried face, "Sorry."

A smirk, just a perk of half his lips, graces his features, "Don't be! I understand completely, un!"

Does he? He certainly doesn't act it, but I'm not one to talk, I wouldn't be able to tell. The only people before now that I knew did things like this were first Leader and Itachi, then Leader and Kisame, and finally Leader with Orochimaru… and all that time I was stupid enough to think that it would never happen to me. I knew leader wouldn't come to me for his pleasures, he's a sadist to the end, and I don't bleed enough for him, despite the amount that I bled last night, I don't bleed enough for his extreme sadist ways.

He sits down next to me on the bed, "Need anything?"

I shrug. He probably doesn't even know his way around here. I know it took me the longest time to figure out which room was which and not get lost getting from point a to point b. The akatsuki lair is just too large to learn in a day. I wouldn't expect much from him were I to ask of it, but a writhing pain in my stomach from hunger and unrest causes me to think otherwise.

"Do you know where the cafeteria is?" my voice manages to stay even, despite the situation.

"Of course I do, un!" he instantly bounces up.

I nod, looking up at him, causing myself to lean back and put pressure on my sore ass. I hiss in pain and then look up again as I feel a fine coat of sweat form on my forehead, "I'll eat anything they have."

"Alright, un," he beams, "I'll be right back!"

I watch as he bounds from the room and I fall back onto my side. More pain races through me and I muffle a startled cry in my pillow. My fists clench as I twist and writhe, anything to try and rid myself of this pain. I finally run out of what little energy I earned when I had slept, and fall limp against my bed. I feel tears start to form in my eyes and I try desperately to hold them back. A shinobi should never show emotion, it's against the rules for a ninja to cry, and yet that's all I feel I can do. I let the tears slip silently down my face and mentally curse my weakness.

How could Deidara know what this is like? Has it happened to him? I don't see how, but I'm never really that surprised by humanities cruelty anymore. I look at the door that he left through and I know that while I hate showing emotion, and I hate caring about others, I will always be able to tell him what I feel, because he will care, and I know that I will care about him. If nothing else, it's because of the promises between us.

DEIDARA POV

I quickly bound out of the room, shutting the door gently behind me. I look down the hall in both directions and stop. I don't know where the cafeteria is… I just wanted to help my Sasori-danna. Well, it has to be down one of these halls, may as well go try and find it. I start walking to my right, and though the air seems to be staler and less ventilated this way, that doesn't mean the cafeteria can't be deep in these halls.

I wander aimlessly, knowing only what I am looking for and sadly lacking the knowledge of where I am. The only thing I am sure of is the fact that my danna needs me, and I can't let him down. I make a turn where the hall ends and notice a few doors just like the doors to Sasori-danna's and my room, only these are more banged up.

I watch as one of the few non-damaged doors opens, and with the total realization of how lost I am, I dash forward at the first sign of akatsuki robes emerging.

"Hey, un, wait up," I call after the immense back of one of the fellow members, presumably, trying to catch up as he walks the other way.

As the shadowy figure turns and his face comes into view, I notice first his hair, which is blue and in an odd shape. Then there is his blue skin to match. As he lowers his cloak a little to get a better look at me, I get a better look at him, seeing markings on his skin that look like gills on a fish. Never met this guy before, I know I'd remember someone like him. When our eyes meet I see his annoyance and quickly decide to speak again.

"I-I'm sorry, un," I stammer out, "but where's the cafeteria?"

The towering shark man, because that's what he looks like: a shark, suddenly roars with laughter, "No where near here." He controls his laughter easily in a moment and then gives me a less hostile looks, almost friendly, "You're Deidara, that new guy, right?"

I nod.

"Follow me," he grins and motions for me to follow him back the way I just came from. He smirks again and turns to me when we finally find a pace where we can walk side by side, "I'm Kisame. I'm partners with Itachi, whether he likes it or not, but that's a whole 'nother story. Where's your partner?"

"Sasori-danna is hurt, I'm was trying to get us both some food," I raise my hand to scratch the back of my head in embarrassment, "though that didn't seem to go too well up to this point."

"Hmm… so you're the one that replaced Orochi," he mumbles, taking on a very thoughtful look.

"Orochi?" I glance up at him.

"Orochimaru," he comments, then a shiver seems to run through him, "Glad to know he's gone. That snake was bad news. I'm sure you've heard of Sir Leader's interesting tastes?"

I nod, having been warned briefly as a trainee by another, more experienced trainee, right before that guy was sent on a mission and killed.

"Well, he took my place sort of as a pet to Sir Leader, more like his favorite… toy, for lack of better words. It was driving the man crazy. That and the fact that he was scared of Itachi, who's like a fraction of the snake's age, that drove him MAD! No surprise the guy left, really," Kisame turns down another hall, and so do I.

"Oh…" my voice trails and I let it. Could this be the one that touched my Sasori-danna, this Orochimaru? Is he the one that hurt my danna? They describe the man as a snake… what could that mean? Was he a traitor, or literally a snake? Why would he hurt me Sasori-danna anyways?

"What's up," Kisame's voice breaks me from my thoughts.

"I think Orochimaru may have run for another reason, un," I comment.

"Eh?"

"I… I think he raped Sasori, un," I force myself to say it fast, looking up to watch his reaction.

His face doesn't show anything. In fact, his whole body seems to now be held in a more reserved way, trying and succeeding in showing no emotions to the outside world. If I didn't know better I would say he is shocked. I think he has to be. I would be.

When we do arrive at the cafeteria, despite my getting lost in the beginning, he helps me find a variety of food with no problems, then turns to me, "You better get back to Sasori. He'll be wondering where you are, especially after your little detour."

I blush out of embarrassment, slightly, and nod, turning on my heel and hurrying back to my danna. I surprise myself when I reach the door without managing to get lost again. Knocking gently, I hear a slight rustle behind the door before a muffled 'go away' comes through to follow.

"It's me, Sasori-danna," I call, head against the door, letting my voice travel as direct a path as possible.

There's a long pause, as if he's thinking about something, before he answers, "Come in."

I do enter, too, managing to balance the food on my arms while opening the door. Once that is accomplished. I quickly grab the food once more, and push the door open the rest of the way with my shoulder. I shut the door behind me with my back, then look over to my danna. He looks shaken, and he's sitting with a very hunched over posture on the bed, blankets piled in his lap, sitting on a pillow. I've heard my Sasori-danna is an amazing fighter, and one hell of a tracker, so seeing his like this is rare and scary, knowing that he's much stronger than he looks. The fact that he didn't know automatically that it was me outside the door bothers me greatly.

"Sorry," he mumbles, as I sit on my bed after handing him his meal.

"Don't be, un," I wave it off, "it's fine! I understand completely!"

There's another long pause, like the one he took before letting me into the room, like there's something that he's debating in his head, but then he turns to me and comments, "Thank you."

I smile, "No problem, Sasori-danna."

"I'm not your danna…!" he snaps, "I'm not fit for it, I'm weak, disgustingly weak, and I know it." He lowers his head as he speaks, and when finished he takes his first bite of food, very tentatively.

I put my food to the side, slowly and gently moving so that I'm kneeling in front of him. He looks at me with distrust and confusion, like he's unsure of my intentions, and I'm sure he is, and he has every right to be. Slowly, letting him see everything I do with complete clarity, I reach up with my hand, letting it rest on his arm, and with the dawning knowledge that I'm not going to hurt him, the distrust in him ebbs away to just leave confusion. I keep my hand-mouth pressed closed and gently run my fingers over some scratches on his arms.

"I would never do this to you. I promised you that," I look up at him, "And I know you're strong, un. People here seem to be so scared of you or they simply respect your power. They do so because you ARE strong, and for me, un, it would be an honor to be able to call you my danna."

His eyes rest warily on the hand on his arm that I have continued my caress with, but I know he heard me. His eyes slowly follow my arm up to my shoulder, and then finally he looks me straight in the face.

His opposite hand finally moves, to cover mine, "Alright."

I smile, a wide grin, and he lets me go, so I retreat, eating some of my meal that is now turning cold on my bed.

"So," I start through a large bite, "since we're gonna be partners and all, I was wondering what you do, what your skills are?"

He smirks, half his mouth perking up, "I'm a puppeteer. I make puppets out of those I kill."

I look less taken aback than I am, because there's no way to express how taken aback I am, "Wow, I can't beat that, un. I make things out of clay, and I can then explode them, make them move, or make them large and fly. I really like the explosions, but my favorite thing is to fly."

A strange sound escapes his throat, and it takes me a moment to realize it was a suppressed laugh. I smile at him and I see him smile for the first time, but it looks unnatural, like he doesn't do it often, and I know he's still in shock.

A knock on the door confirms this. I watch him jump, and when he lands I can see his hands shaking as he tries to press them into his lap and stop the nervous gesture. I stand up, and answer the door by opening it just a crack, not wide enough to expose my danna. First, all I can see is Kisame, from before, but then I notice another man, further back, hidden by shadows and looking much smaller, much younger than Kisame. He has his cloak wrapped tightly around him, hiding his face and nearly all other features. His eyes, though, seem to pierce me when I meet them, like they can read my mind, and they are harsh. They glow red and black from behind the cloak, and for a moment it's like they start to move, but then they stop, and I look back to Kisame.

Kisame steps a little more towards the door and says, "Hey, Deidara, I told Itachi about running into you and…"

Itachi, apparently, cuts in, "Let us in. We want to see Sasori."

I hear my danna from behind me shifting around, and his voice responds, "Not now, Itachi."

Those deep red eyes swirl with anger and he tries to push me aside. When I don't give, he glares at me, a death threat in those eyes, and Kisame has to put a hand on his shoulder to make him turn. When he turns back to me the anger is still present, but the threat is gone.

"Let me through," he growls, low and like a predator. I don't move though. I promised my danna.

"Please Itachi, don't," a more forceful, yet still polite, demand from behind me.

Another glance from those crimson eyes, and then they close, a dark laugh emanating from behind the cloak, "So it is true!" The laugh goes cold and he continues, "I thought that Leader was just trying to brag about nonsense to someone, but for once it's not complete crap. There's no need to keep any secrets, Leader already let out the story about Orochimaru."

Kisame closes his eyes in apparent sympathy, heaving a sigh, "Sorry."

A cough like sound from behind me causes me to turn, and when I realize it was a sob, I drop to my danna's side. I rest his head against my chest and despite another sobbing sound, the other two in the doorway simply enter, and shut the door behind them. They seem to accept the sudden showing of emotion, and they also seem to understand the need for privacy as well.

Kisame pipes up again, "If it's any consolation, only Zetsu knows about it, other than us."

"Zetsu?" I ask quietly.

He nods, "A spy, he's a loner, but he's also the first Sir Leader tells anything to. He came and told us what had happened first thing he heard the story. Actually, it was just a few moments after you left the cafeteria, Deidara, that Itachi came in and then a minute more before Zetsu showed up."

I nod, understandingly, grasping my danna's back as he whimpers and moves closer. I kiss his hair, only knowing what I remember from when I was younger when it comes to comfort. I didn't get much then either, so it's difficult, but I remember some things. He moves closer again, this time more gratefully than desperately, and I can't help but smile secretly into his hair.

Itachi and Kisame stay silently at the other side of the room, though I watch as an uncertain hand moves to rest against Itachi's back. Kisame sits down, and Itachi moves to recline against the wall, allowing a hand to rest against Kisame's shoulder, which instantly causes the hand on Itachi's back to drop contentedly. Kisame eyes some of my untouched leftovers, and I nod, letting him know he can have them. He happily picks up the food and chomps down, earning him Itachi's eyes rolling.

After a few tense moments of holding me, Sasori-danna gently starts to lean back, and I loosen my arms as he sits up, suddenly stoic. I watch him check his posture, making sure he's as straight as possible as he looks across the room, making eye contact with both of our fellow akatsuki members.

Itachi speaks first, and something tells me that that isn't a rare occurrence, " So you two are partners now, eh?" He turns to me, "I know nothing of you, except that you've got some balls. Nobody stands up to me the way you did."

"I guess I'm "nobody" then, un," I answer.

"Tch," he sneers, "I'd watch it, I'm not always in a pleasant mood like right now. Besides, I know people like you, always happy, always strong, but you all run in the end."

If this is a good mood, than I'm in for a rude awakening when he's in a bad mood, "I'm not like that! un!"

He pushes off the wall, and drops the hand on Kisame's shoulder as he walks towards the door, "Prove it, then we'll talk."

I make a move to snap something back at him, but with a burst of chakara and a poof of smoke, he's gone. That's fine with me, though, he knows nothing about me. How dare he judge me like the rest of the people he has met? I'm not like everyone else, and if anything, I might be a little like him, though he seems to be more talk than action, but I'm not betting my money on anything where that guys involved.

It surprises me greatly when both Sasori-danna and Kisame burst into a fit of laughter, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Glad to see Itachi hasn't changed any," Sasori-danna grins.

"I think he's just glad that he isn't the new guy anymore," Kisame adds.

My danna nods, "Never has been the type to enjoy being looked down upon. He'll be ecstatic to be able to bully people around with power again."

"Again?" I chime in.

"Well for one," Kisame starts, "Orochimaru was terrified of him, and he always loved to toy with the snake." The moment the sentence finishes, Kisame's smile turns serious, "But also, Itachi was… the bane of his clan. He's the infamous Uchiha that wiped out his own family. It's not really my story to tell, but he did leave one of them, his brother, and after showing his brother through the sharingan, a blood trait of his clan, what he had done, he left his brother to train, so one day his little brother could kill him. Itachi became greatly feared through Konoha, where he had lived, and his little brother is the one that seems to hate him the most, though Itachi, on his regular, invisible I might add, visits to see his brother says that his brother's hate still isn't great enough. What most people don't know is that if he didn't actually gain the power over Konoha that he did when he slaughtered his clan, he would have gladly died by his brother's hands right then and there, because without that power there was no reason Itachi saw to live. He only lets on the belief that he loves being able to cause fear, and that without that life is meaningless to him, so that's what everyone has to believe, though everyone does not accept it."

"Without power, he is nothing to himself in his own eyes," my danna shortens the speech.

I glance over to the door that Itachi had disappeared in front of, and feel a little guilty, having heard his life's story behind his back. Does everyone here have secrets like him, though? Does everyone here have a broken past, like mine?

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a/n: please review! 


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: wow! and I mean WOW! I never expected to get such a big turn out for my first chapter. I mean 7 reviews and as quick as they came... WOW! I'm so glad you all like the story so far. This chapter is sort of short, but the chapter lengths will vary from short to extremely long, so I guess that works out.

**disclaimer**: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

um... I guess I will put a warning up here for this chapter...

**warning: this chapter does contain mild rape. I'm not going to give anything away or that, but it is only like PG-13 stuff, but still, it is rape... so don't read if you don't like that, you have been warned.**

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SASORI POV

I look into the empty room contentedly. No one here but my thoughts… I look down and remember… no one here but my thoughts, AND my puppets. I pick up the silent companion that is lying in my lap and gently start to fix a shoulder gear. I sigh contentedly at the work, and prepare to put the finishing touches on it when suddenly the arm flexes.

I know I certainly didn't do that, and I check the arm for chakara strings. This wouldn't be the first time Kisame or one of the trainees had pulled this trick on me. I let my own chakara investigate the arm, only to find nothing there.

"What's wrong, Sasori?" a dark voice whispers… I know that voice… "Not good enough for you? Not alive enough for you?"

Orochimaru! I drop the puppet, throwing it across the room and scrambling away the best I can until I fall off of my bed. I watch as the body twists and writhes, slowly taking on pale skin, and other almost human qualities. I watch the fascinating and yet disturbing transformation of my puppets, as it turns into my ex-partner, Orochimaru.

He pounces at me, and then pins me down, hissing soft words into my ear, "This better?"

I feel his body pin mine to the cold, hard floor, and I start to wiggle, start to struggle, anything to get away. His hot breath whispers over my cheek as he repeats my name over and over… I feel him start to shake me… just shaking me and yelling my name…

I sit up suddenly, screaming still, but this time into a dark and otherwise quiet room. I look over when I register the hand on my shoulder, jumping away from it and then seeing Deidara, and stopping, settling back in. I feel sweat pour down my back, and I see Deidara next to me, shaking slightly. Soon I feel myself shake as well.

I gulp as he finally speaks, "Sasori-danna?" He takes one of my hands gently in his own, and I notice the fingerless glove that he's wearing. I look out the corner of my eye briefly to see a matching glove on the hand on my shoulder as well. Despite all of these anchors to the here and now, my dream… no… my nightmare, still burns fresh in my mind.

I can almost feel those long, violating hands on my hips, digging in. I want to scream again, to scrub my skin, to wash away this feeling and that man, to get rid of him altogether. I just want to crawl out of my body and start all over again. I don't even notice the nails scraping at my arms until Deidara takes my hand, stopping me.

I shift, forcing my hands into my lap, for a lack of better places. I flinch as the sensation of Orochimaru's fingers returns. My hands convulse, open, then closed, then open again, and I turn, grasping Deidara's hand once more.

"How could Leader tell them? How could he tell anyone?" even for me, my voice sounds weak, but I don't care anymore.

"I don't know," he murmurs, "I'm sorry, un."

I grasp onto the front of his shirt, or try to, but find his creamy skin bare, so I settle to fisting my hand and leaning into him. I whimper as I feel his hips shift, and yelp in surprise as he pulls me flush against him, but instantly relax in his arms. He holds me chastely, very unlike the snake's groping grip. It's a simple grasp that he has on me, settling me on his legs, which I realize are covered in by baggy pants.

I wrap my arms around his neck, and finally feel some of the tension ooze out of me. Deidara won't hurt me, I trust him not to, a trust I used to have with Orochimaru, but Orochimaru never made the promise Deidara has. I hold Deidara like a last lifeline, and I feel his lips against my neck as he gently holds me, rocking slightly from side to side.

"You know what this is like," a comment, not a question, coming out of me in a strangled whisper.

I feel his breath against my neck as he answers, "Yeah, un, I do…"

There's a significant pause, and he continues, "I don't know if it's the same, not exactly at least, un. It was," a pause, "It was my whole family, sort of. They saw me as strange, and insignificant, with my differences, and they believed in STRONG, and sometimes strange, punishment, including sexual punishment," a long pause, almost long enough to make me think he's not going to talk anymore, "like rape. I guess that was what sealed the deal to leave."

I nod, and gently run one of my hands over his back, hoping to comfort him as he is comforting me. I feel his smile against my neck; comfortably lounging against me, and letting me lounge against him. At the same time, though, I feel my eyes start to droop, and I have to stifle a yawn.

I feel him start to back away, and I instantly tighten my grip around his neck. Don't you leave me too, Deidara. Please, don't leave me.

"Sasori-danna…" he whispers, "you need rest, I know you do, I do too, un. Let's get back to sleep."

I feel my arms go limp, though they do not leave his neck. He pulls back and offers me his hand, which I don't take as I push myself up into my bed and settle back in under the covers. Despite the layers of fabric, I feel so cold without his body next to mine, and I curl in against myself as I force my eyes shut. I'm about to pull the covers up over my shoulders and head, when a hand on my shoulder stops me. I look up and see Deidara standing next to my bed. He nudges my shoulder, trying to get me to scoot over, which I do, and then I promptly watch him crawl into my bed beside me. I relax as he presses me against his chest, my cheek against his smooth, firm skin. Again, all his touches are chaste and comforting, no hidden meaning.

"Relax, danna," it's no more than a whisper. It's a command as well, and I only take commands from Sir Leader, usually, but for now I make an exception, as I scoot closer a little, flush against him, and let my muscles melt like butter. As I finally start to fall asleep once more, I think of who could find us, who could hate us for this, and I realize that I don't care.

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a/n: PLEASE review! 


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: again, wow! you people are quick to jump on with the reviews. Thanks! Glad you like it so far!

I posted now because I'm going on vacation. Leaving tomorrow and coming back in five days, so that leaves you all time to read I also gave you alla longer chapter than the last one so you can pass the time. Enjoy!

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

AND **as a warning, this chapter contains nudity and shounen-ai (amazingly nothing that would warant straight out yaoi, just yet.) No lemons (sorry) but there is stuff in here that would bother some people, so just don't read if you can't stand the thought of two guys in love.**

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SASORI POV

I awaken the next day to quite the pleasant scenario. My head has surprisingly stayed on Deidara's chest all night, though my body would not have had many places to move even if it had wanted to. A one-person bed was really meant for one person. When I notice the slight hitch in Deidara's breathing though, I have to repress a laugh, knowing that he is already awake and trying hard, yet failing, to stay perfectly still. I smile, and turn even closer to him, my breath whispering across his skin. He shivers, and then shifts away from me, writhing at the sudden sensation. I turn and keep my face upwards, away from his stomach.

"Sorry," I sigh, "and good morning."

"Good morning to you too, un," he grins, his signature grin it seems, one side of his lips perking.

"Thanks…" I add as an afterthought.

"Of course, un!" his eyes arch in accomplishment and joy.

I move to get up, and manage to hover before I stop. I stop eye to eye with him, and there is something in his eyes that I don't recognize. Some of it I know, I remember that dark speck in there, the lust in his eyes, but there's something more there, something softer, trying to overtake the lust. That softness in his gaze is alien, something I'm not comfortable with, and yet I feel drawn to it, so much so that I don't even remember when I started to drop back down, but suddenly our mouths are very close together. I feel the space lessen more; I feel his breath against my breath, his breath against my lips. I search his eyes, trying to understand this as we draw closer.

A knock on the door makes me jump. I turn to look at Deidara's eyes once more, but the feelings are gone, the emotions are gone. All the better, I don't need new emotions confusing me right now.

I sit all the way up, and Deidara follows in suit. He moves to his own bed, tossing the pillow around and then settling it at an angle, and also messing up the sheets thoroughly. He then slowly opens the door.

A gravelly voice comes through and I have a hunch as to who it belongs to, "Hello Deidara, Kisame asked for us to check up on you and Sasori. Wanted to know how Sasori is doing."

I watch Deidara jump slightly as another, much younger, or less worn, voice speaks next, "I tried to get him to come himself, but he's just too damned lazy."

Zetsu. I watch as a great venus flytrap comes through the door, followed by akatsuki robes. I smile and wave, and watch a pale hand rise in response. I then look to Deidara, who is as pale as the white hand Zetsu just raised. I look back to Zetsu to see his golden eyes seemingly oblivious.

I start to laugh lightly, and Deidara glares at me, "What's so funny, un?"

"Nothing," I shake my head and turn to Zetsu, "And since when have you even cared about me? Or about running errands for Kisame? You always blow off my errands that I ask you to run."

"This one's different," his softer voice answers, "Besides, Leader told us some pretty rough stuff."

The gruff voice grunts in laughter, "Apparently he, and I quote, "watched the entire soap opera unfold," and claimed in the end to Orochimaru that what he had the snake do was only training. The snake ran and that's all we know."

I lower my head, "Who else knows?"

Zetsu shakes his head, and for once both voices agree, "No one."

"Only us," I watch his black half respond.

"And we only told Itachi and Kisame that Orochimaru… well… you know, but that's it," the white half pipes.

I nod, "Yeah, I know."

His plant flexes, obviously from him feeling uncomfortable, and he turns, "We should go."

"It's alright," I assure him.

"Kisame will be wondering where we are, and Leader told me I have to report soon to go on another mission," he grins, "You know it's not good to keep him waiting."

"Go, go," I wave him off, and he quickly leaves.

Deidara sighs and collapses on his bed as soon as Zetsu closes the door. I start to laugh, finally unable to hold back doing so. He looks so ridiculous.

"What, un?" Deidara complains, a slight whine in his voice.

I shake my head and collect myself. When I can finally open my mouth without bursting into a new fit of laughter, I answer, "I'm sorry, Deidara, I've just been a little on edge, a little emotional. I'm sorry."

DEIDARA POV

My Sasori-danna does not seem like the type to laugh, cry, or apologize, so watching him laugh until he cries and then apologize unnerves me. The whole ordeal really seems to be affecting my danna more than he lets on. It makes my own memories start to surface, memories that I thought I had long since repressed. I have to remind myself momentarily that the people who did that to me are now dead, dead by my own hands, and there's no way they can touch me now.

I look back up at him, "It's alright, un. It's fine!"

He half smiles and then stands up, "I think I should probably go clean up now."

"I shower isn't the best idea, un," I point out.

"I know," he shakes his head, "I was thinking of a bath any ways."

I smile at him, "Alright, un."

He walks over to the dresser against the wall near his bed, and pulls out black pants; thin, white socks; and a new akatsuki robe. No boxers, which I understand as well: too harsh and close to the skin.

He silently walks to the bathroom with a greatly determined look on his face. I know that look, I remember it from when I wore it myself. I listen as the water starts, runs, and stops. I count to myself mentally: five…four…three…two…one…

Silence. Hmm. Maybe it won't…

A cry of pain, and in any other instance I would grin, but not this one. I knew it would hurt, no matter how careful he tried to be. I knock on the door, voice laced with concern, "Are you alright, Sasori-danna, un?"

The answer comes in a hiss, "I'm fine."

"Danna… un, are you sure?" I call.

"It just stings," he growls.

"Need help?

A quick, "No," and I hear the water shift.

I lay my hand on the door, "I won't hurt you, un. I won't touch you, not like him."

"Please, don't," he answers.

"Alright."

A pause. I stay at the door.

"You promised," it's a strange invitation, but I'll take it.

I gently push the door open and walk in. I've been in the bathroom, but I've never been so enchanted by it. Yet, it's not really the room, it's my danna, whom I can't seem to take my eyes off of. Another strange mix of sensations runs through me, like when Sasori-danna and I were in bed earlier. It's warm, and welcome, yet somehow it feels wrong, like I should never be feeling this way about him.

I walk over carefully to my danna, keeping my eyes on his face. I stand by the bathtub's edge and kneel down, still watching my danna's face.

His voice almost causes me to jump, "Deidara, please, just do this fast. Save my last bit of dignity."

I feel something pang hard through my chest, through my heart. I gently cup some water in my hands and pour it over his hair, thankful for my waterproof fingerless gloves. I watch the water run through my danna's hair and feel enchanted almost.

"Be careful of your eyes, un," I mumble out as I glob a large amount of shampoo into his hair. He gently tilts his head back and I lather his matted hair as best as I can.

"You'd look so much more handsome if you kept your hair from tangling, danna," I comment absently, "not that you aren't already handsome, un."

Did I just say that?

"What?" he asks incredulously.

I blush and mumble out, "Nothing."

"You said I'm handsome!" he screeches accusingly.

"Is it so wrong to speak the truth?" I feel my face deepen in shades of red.

He turns sharply, searching my face. I give him nothing but a look of pure friendliness. His eyes continue to search me for a few minutes, the soapsuds running down over his shoulders, but I try to keep my gaze on his face. Eventually his does surrender, turning around and letting himself relax as much as he can, but I can tell he is still wary.

I finish rinsing his hair, and then put some soap onto a wash cloth. I move to my danna's shoulders, washing them with the most care I can. I can see the bruises now, standing out against his pale arms, but then I notice something almost like a seam, and then I notice that his back has a strange texture.

"I'm sorry," he turns away further, sensing my unrest.

"Danna, what is it, un?" I try to make eye contact, show him I'm just concerned, but he moves further away.

"I should have told you," he mumbles, "before now. Before this."

"What is it, danna?" I grab his arm and force him to face me.

"I'm not as young as I look, Deidara," he states, "I've kept myself looking this way by," he heaves a sigh, "by making myself into a puppet of sorts. Part of me are still flesh, but not all of me."

I can't say that the story doesn't shock me, that the confession isn't sudden, but he's overreacting, it's not that strange. Sure being a puppet is strange, in many ways, but having mouths on your hands sort of tops it off.

I can't think of anything to say, so I don't risk it. I gently go back to washing my danna's arms, feeling him tense, and then feeling those same muscles relax greatly. He leans back against the tub again as I travel down his arms, giving every inch of his skin great care, especially the bruised and cut portions. No wonder it hurt him to try and do this himself, I'm surprised he can go on with daily life with some of these gashes. I look over to his discarded clothes and see some dark stains that I never noticed before, some blood. I guess that sort of isn't surprising.

I move to sit lower and pick up one of his legs. I watch his face closely to see a reaction I might receive. He shows nothing.

"Tell me when to stop, un," I murmur, slowly starting to work my way up his legs. I'm not so worried about the lower legs as I am when I get up past the knees, so I make sure I show as much care as I can with his lower legs, hoping to relax him more for later. I remember how it was; no one could get close enough to my thighs to touch me for weeks. Looking back it seems quite ridiculous, but it didn't at the time. He trusts me so far, but I don't want to push it.

I don't feel anything like I did when I first came in the bathroom anymore, those emotions, like most of my other emotions, have been pushed to the side. I make sure that I'm not feeling anything that could cause any distrust on my danna's part. I would never blame him, but I don't want to even start that. I move up to his lower thighs, tentatively, watching him remain stoic. I move up to the outside of his mid-thigh and watch as some discomfort leaks into his eyes. But he doesn't tell me to stop, and truthfully I don't think he would feel comfortable even if he hadn't just been raped with where my hands are, so I don't really question the discomfort. I start to inch toward his inner thigh…

"Stop."

I do so quickly, withdrawing my hands, but still he continues, "Stop… please, stop."

I watch some tears start to form in his eyes, and I move so that I'm even with his face, the washcloth dropped and forgotten. I take his upper body against mine, him pressing his face against my chest, his right cheek resting there wetly. I feel his tears soak through my shirt, and I don't care, kissing the top of his head softly.

I hold his head still, whispering soft, kind words as his tears drop, "Hush, danna, I promised you safety, un, and I plan to stick to that promise. It's okay, it's okay."

When his tears finally calm, I tilt his head up, my fingers under his chin. I look into his eyes and see a raw hurt, causing another shot to run through my chest, constricting my heart. I feel something within me lean into his pain, taking it, or trying to take it, straight into myself, wanting nothing more than to cure that pain. I know that this is all wrong, feeling these ways as a ninja and as a man, but I don't want it to stop, it feels so good, so comforting to know that someone trusts me with something dear to him.

Our lips are centimeters away from the others, and still he hasn't tried to stop me. I don't want to do anything that I would regret, that either of us would regret, but just as I go to pull back, his hand reaches up to stop me, cupping my neck, and pushing my lips against his own.

Instantly I start to caress his lips with my own, his eyes closing before mine flutter shut. I moan into his mouth as his lips cover mine, and I savor the sweet taste that is uniquely his on my lips. The strange emotions from before force their way back into me, jolting my senses and heightening the pleasure of the moment.

As we both sit back, I instantly look into his eyes, hoping not to see him hurting. Instead I see confusion.

"Deidara?" he whispers.

"Sasori-danna," I whisper throatily, and I realize how lustful the sound is, and instantly clear my throat.

He looks away, and I see his face contort at the corners. It takes me a few seconds of extreme worrying to realize that he is in fact smiling. I reach out tentatively, brushing the back of my left pointer finger against his cheek. He turns slowly, but not cautiously, almost as if wallowing in the moment. I watch speechlessly as he removes the glove from my left hand. As soon as he can, he covers my hand-mouth with his lips. My eyes flutter shut once more. Gods, his lips are soft. I feel his hand travel up my arm, bending my arm at the elbow, so when his hand reaches my chest, his hand slips under my shirt, his lips skip from my hand to my lips once more.

I pull back gently, kissing his forehead.

"Sasori-danna?" I gently take his other hand with my still gloved hand.

"Thank you, Deidara," he kisses my cheek, and then sits back down, taking his washcloth again. He turns and resoaps it, acting as if none of what just happened happened. I turn away, knowing he intends to finish his bath alone, pain or not.

"I'll be outside if you need me, un," I comment and leave.

What was that? My first real kiss. No, none of what happened to me before counts, those were all forced, this was real. This is real. That felt so good. My Sasori-danna tastes so good. I close the door and lean against his, licking my lips in the hopes of savoring what just was, what just happened. There's just a hint of his taste, but it satiates me.

I turn and touch the door lightly, all my lips still tingling from his touch. I miss him already.

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a/n: please review! 


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: wow, again, wow! Thanks everyone! Sorry this took so long to get posted, just being a lazy arse after I got back from vacation, but it's up now, and I hope to heck that I won't be making you all wait too long for the next chapter.

same warnings as usual

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

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SASORI POV

A week since we kissed and it feels like a lifetime. I still remember just the way he feels, the way he tastes. It's wrong, I know, it's wrong beyond comparison to have these feelings that I do for him. But they are so soft, so comforting, in a body that is as hard as the world it's nice to have something that can make me feel warm inside, if only for a moment. Whenever I dream of what that traitor… that bastard, did to me, I just look across the room to the one that calls me danna, and everything seems to disappear except him and I.

He is finally starting to understand the pecking order within the group though. He knew from the start that Itachi was not going to give him any leverage, and to stay out of the way of the Uchiha, but he didn't fully comprehend why I started to be cold to him in front of the others. This is still an organization of killers, and emotions are weaknesses. I've started being harsher to him with the others around. At first I almost stopped just to get him to stop whining, but finally he stopped, or for the most part at least. Unlike today:

I watch Kisame try not to laugh at the look that Deidara is giving me. It's a mix between anger, respect, and utter confusion: total incredulity.

"What do you mean art is forever, un? Art is that first moment of an explosion," he gestures with his hands a large explosion, throwing them up wildly, "with the beauty of the bang, Sasori-danna."

"Don't be thick," I growl back, annoyed with his never-ending energy supply, "Art is something that can be seen for centuries to come."

"Sasori-danna…" he whines, "you know that I'm fine with you having that opinion, we've been through this a thousand times, but I'm never going to change my mind!"

Kisame holds up his hands, having been rejected from the conversation as soon as it was started, "Alright, alright, I can see that I've overstayed my welcome here, settle down now." He laughs, leans back, and then pushes himself up again, "I can tell when I've intruded, see ya later!" He walks out the door, and in an instant Deidara leans back on his bed.

"How're you feeling, danna?" That has become an annoyingly recurring question. He'll ask it about twice a day, at least.

I sit up straight and don't feel the urge to wince, an improvement indeed, "Better."

He comes over to my bed and curls up on it, sitting next to me, "That's good, un."

I half smile, half-heartedly at that, and pick up Sandaime Kazekage, whom I had been working on before Deidara had shown up from breakfast with Kisame. I pull out a bottle of poison from my pocket, open a trick release in Sandaime, and carefully pull out the hollow needles. The tips are closed, so when I pour the poison and plug it the tips are just waiting to puncture something, breaking slightly so the poison can leak into the victim, a lethal injection every time.

Deidara seems content to just watch, for now, for once. One thing that I have learned lately is that Deidara has a talent for talking, at length, with very few breaths, annoyingly so sometimes.

"That's an attack puppet," I can't tell whether that was a question or comment, so I ignore it, so he continues, "Are you planning on going on a mission soon?"

I don't bother looking up to answer, "Soon enough Sir Leader will decide that I am capable of a fight again, or at least realize that I'm capable, and when that time comes he will want us ready, and fast. I want to be prepared."

I feel him shrug, "No need to push it."

"I'm fine," I growl.

"No you're not, Sasori-danna," he reaches out, a hand hovering over my shoulder. "You're alright, and you're almost fine, but you're still just bouncing back, un."

I glare at him, "Shut up. You have no right to tell me how I feel, how I am."

"It's true, un."

"No, it's not."

"You still dream about what he did to you. You still jump when someone touches you," he points out.

"I do not," I don't care if it's a lie, I don't jump every time, but my skills are rusty and because of that I'm easier to surprise, though I have been working on it.

"It's alright, danna, I have no one to tell, un."

I growl, "Drop it."

"You can still feel his hands ghosting over you, un, when you're alone."

I shoot him a glare and bring my puppet to attention, into a striking pose, though my demeanor slips and my hands start to shake, my voice choked, "This is your last warning."

His hand over my shoulder moves away, but he speaks one more time, "You still can't get clean…"

"I'm. Fine," I spit out, my puppet now shaking with my hands.

He takes me by the shoulders and I growl, low and feral, though he ignores it, "I care about you, Sasori-danna, I care a lot, un."

I push him away from me, my whole body going into it, my puppet dropping. My hands are shaking so much that the action almost doesn't happen. He simply wraps his fingers in mine when the contact breaks, gently rubbing circles on them. I pull them back, hard, and he lets go.

"It's okay to admit it, danna," his voice is soft… gentle…

I can't speak past the lump that has formed in my throat, so I simply shake my head.

One of those hands comes up to my neck, gently massaging it, and it takes everything within me not to let go of what little grasp of anger I have. Anger I can deal with, sadness and confusion are what I can't deal with right now.

It's been so long, not to have told anyone what happened though, and he seems to care so much, even more than Orochimaru ever did, or ever faked. I need to tell someone, and I can't trust anyone.

As if reading my mind, he whispers, "You don't have to tell me everything, or anything, but if you want to talk, even just a little, I'll listen."

He promised that he'd protect me once. He promised.

I look down into my lap, "He said that he had to do it. He said that he had to stop Sir Leader from doing the same to him, and that what he did would have been the only way. He… gods! He pinned me down… and… and… he just took me like I was some animal, some toy that he could do whatever he wanted to. And I just sat there, I tried at first to fight, but I failed… and I just sat there. And now… now! I can't get rid of him. He's in my head… he's in my body, on my body! _I still can't get clean_."

Halfway through he pulled me closer, though exactly when I can't tell. When I finished, he put a hand behind my head, where it is now, holding me close. His shirt is wet, and it takes me a moment to realize that I had been crying. When did I start to cry? The tears feel hot, though that may just be his heat next to me. I wrap my hand around his back, pulling myself closer to that warmth.

Eventually, after the tears have stopped but the wetness is still there, he speaks, "What can I say, un, what can I do? I just want to help, danna."

I shift closer to him, pulling myself completely side to side with him, my face now inches from his. My eyes stare into his one exposed eye. I brush his hair to the side and for the first time see what lies behind that mat of hair. It's a mechanical eye, something that looks like it shouldn't be permanent, though something tells me it is. I want to ask what happened, but can't find the words as I see the sheer hurt register within him, followed by some shock, and finally confusion. I hurt him by looking, then he was shocked that I looked, and now what? He's confused as to why I looked. He trusts me, and I trust him. We can keep each other's secrets.

I bury my face in his neck, "I won't tell."

I feel him lean in at this, burying his face in my neck, nuzzling the sensitive skin softly. I gently start to play with his hair, tease it with my fingers, as his lips lay tiny kisses on the delicate area. Not long ago this would have driven me crazy, not long ago this would have made me run, not long ago Deidara had not had my complete trust. But, he helped me when no one else would.

His kisses start to trail up my neck, across my jaw, where they pull a low and happy whimper unbidden from my lips. He trails up to my lips. I close my eyes, leaning against his body, and then take over, kissing back. At first the kisses are soft, but they gain confidence as we do, and they grow harder. I catch his lower lips between my teeth and gently suck on it for a moment before he moans. I take the moan to my advantage as I delve my tongue into his mouth. He moans again, the sound vibrating through his mouth and against my tongue, causing a moan of my own to answer his, our tongues tangling more with each passing second.

When we pull back his eyes glitter, both of them, and I can't help but feel entranced by the gaze. His breath whispers across my lips, and tingling sensation jump starting every nerve in my body.

I lean in and clasp his lips with mine once more, quickly massaging his lips with mine before pulling back.

"Sasori-danna?" he whispers, his voice gruff.

I close my eyes at the sound. Delightful, "Thank you."

He smiles lightly, answering for once with a calm voice, "You're welcome, un." He lets out a breath of laughter, "If only a kiss could erase the past."

I shrug, "At least it can promise a better future."

He nods leaning back slightly onto his half of the bed, "I'm hungry, un-"

"You just got back from breakfast!" I interrupt.

He rolls his eyes, "I only had a small one."

"Fine, if you insist, but if you're a big eater you carry your own food on missions," I answer.

He pouts, "Fine. I was going to offer to bring something back for you, but…"

"You know what?" I look up, leaning back in turn, "I think I'm going with you."

"You don't like the food I bring back, un?"

"No, no, I just need a change in pace."

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a/n: please review! 


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: you love me! you really love me! lol, just kidding, but thanks for all the reviews again guys, really appreciate the feedback, keep it flowing, it helps!

so sorry this took so long, I was being lazy, but the laziness is gone... for now...

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

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DEIDARA POV

The initial stares my danna gets upon entering the room quickly disipate with a well-timed scowl around the room. Sasori-danna leads me to a table that is currently empty, the only table that is empty.

"Each partnership warrants its own table. This one is ours. If someone is not in a partnership, then they are simply placed at a table with someone else," Sasori explains.

"I always sit with Kisame, un, or take the food back to the room for you," I answer.

"That's fine," he waves off, "The tables are just a privelage that is almost treated like a rule, though we aren't very picky. If someone can't fit at one table they find another, plain and simple."

I nod as we proceed up to the line, which is currently non existent though I have seen it grow quite long, each of us getting our own meals and then taking our respectable seats at the table.

A few silent minutes into the meal my danna looks up toward the entrance as a new chakra enters the vicinity, though it's not _completely_ new. It's Zetsu. In a way this is odd though, since I've never seen him in the cafeteria before.

Sasori-danna looks up again, making eye contact apparently with the fellow akatsuki member, and moments later Zetsu takes a seat at my side.

"How are you Sasori? Deidara?" his harsh voice questions.

His softer voice continues, "Yes, this is the first time anyone's seen you out of your room for a while. News travels fast."

"You should have known when I left the room," my danna points out. Zetsu grins wildly and my danna continues, "Though I am doing well, thank you."

The conversation drops and the meal continues. I glance over, almost unnoticed, to Zetsu multiple times. He hasn't gotten anything to eat yet.

"Don't," my danna glares at me.

I have no idea what he's talking about, so I turn back to Zetsu, "So, un, why aren't you eating with us?"

My danna groans, scowling at me, "I said 'don't.'"

The gravelly voice answers before I can speak, "We eat human flesh, that's why." Oh… wait! What?

"He's a cannibal," Sasori explains.

"You don't have to be so harsh about it," the milder voice chimes in. I watch as a grin spreads across Zetsu's face once more, only this one has a hint of threat behind it, "Though I guess that is the term, isn't it?"

I for one am not going to be the one to answer that question. From the look on Sasori-danna's face, he isn't going to answer either.

Sasori then mumbles a "sorry" into his food before continuing to eat.

I watch as Zetsu turns to me and give myself high marks for not screaming and running away, because if looks could kill I would be dead. "I personally dislike the term 'cannibal' when I have no control over what I am, though I do understand that it is the proper description."

"I see, un," I quickly turn back to my meal, shoving as much food in my mouth as possible. The theory behind doing so is that if I can't talk, maybe the conversation will drop. It does, and I'm grateful.

Eventually Zetsu does leave, after a short conversation with Sasori-danna that I make a point not to join. When he does leave my danna looks up at me, scanning me with his eyes, and then apparently content with what he sees, he goes back to his meal. Something tells me I just passed a test that I was never told about.

Just as we are about to get up to leave another person walks into the cafeteria. Nothing strange with that really, except I've never seen him around here before. Sasori is looking over with interest too, which probably means that there is something that I'm missing, or that danna has never seen this person before either.

He's wearing a mask with a spiral on it, and his clothes are pretty plain. He doesn't have an akatsuki cloak, which means that he isn't yet an official member, just a trainee, like I had been not too long ago. I watch as he steps into line, instantly to be bullied back a few more spots by some of the higher ranked members. There's some laughter and staring, but mostly indifference towards the trainee.

I watch as he finally gets his food and then searches for a table, but there are none that are open. He doesn't seem too bothered by this, as he turns to leave again, presumably going back to his room. I watch one of the other akatsuki trainees stick a leg out, and though the masked boy sees it, he can't react in time, and trips, falling into our table and stumbles to land at Sasori-danna's feet.

The young man stumbles to his knees and quickly bows his head, "I'm sorry."

As this is going on the room falls silent. Apparently Sasori-danna really does have a reputation for being ruthless here. Maybe I'm the only one that doesn't see it.

My danna grunts at the young man at his feet, "What's your name?"

"T-Tobi, sir," he answers, head still bowed, trying to collect his tray and the food that scattered.

"Hn," my danna lifts his head and moves to walk around Tobi, "you'll have to be better at dodging simple things like some one tripping you," a few sniggers from the table with the trainee that tripped Tobi, "if you ever want to become a member."

Tobi bows his head more, "I know, I'm sorry."

As my danna starts to walk away he makes a disgusted noise and says, "Don't be sorry, just don't let it happen again."

I try to stay to talk to the new trainee, but Sasori-danna grabs my arm and drags me out of my seat. I manage to not stumble as I land on the floor from my chair that tilts from the force of danna pulling me, and follow him.

As we leave, I shout back to Tobi, "Nice to meet you, un!"

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a/n: if only Deidara knew then what he knows now... (have to have read the latest chapters... like 318...to know what I mean, not a real spoiler, but sorry any ways!) 

please review!


	6. Chapter 6

a/n: sorry to make you wait so long, but I will say this before we start:

**THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES A LEMON. ANYONE NOT COOL WITH THAT CAN JUST WALK AWAY RIGHT NOW**

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

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SASORI POV 

When we get back to our room after lunch, I can see Deidara is still pale from when he first learned about Zetsu. I don't blame him, it shakes up everyone to hear what Zetsu really is.

I move to his side and gently wrap my arms around his stomach from behind. I watch him jump and feel him tense before relaxing. I can feel him shaking slightly in my grasp.

"You can settle down, you know," I whisper.

He replies in a voice laced with shame, "I know, un."

I rest my lips on his neck in soft, (hopefully) comforting, kisses, gently tracing his skin. He whimpers happily, an intoxicating sound. I move the kisses along his neck and up to his jaw, and then slowly turn him so we can face each other.

"Relax, Deidara," I whisper, my breath spreading over his lips. I then gently lean in to kiss the said lips. His lips are soft in a very feminine way, much like most of his other features, and I love it. I take his hands in mine, gently massaging them. A shiver shoots down my spine when one of his hand-mouths opens and kisses my hand in response.

Our kiss at our lips breaks and he moves his arms, spinning me so now my back is to his stomach. I feel him rest his chin in my hair, and we start to rock side to side. I try to think of something, anything, to say, but everything that I can think of would simply ruin the moment.

What seems like only a few seconds, though it could very well have been an hour for all I know, I reluctantly turn my head toward his warmth, "Deidara?"

"Hm?" his lips vibrate against my skin.

"We can't stay like this forever, you know," I whisper.

He nods. His voice sounds almost sad, "I know."

We don't move, though he does speak after a moment, "Danna?"

"Yeah, Deidara?"

He turns me again in his arms, so I am once more facing him, "I love you, un."

Wait… what? Love me? He loves me? How? When-? What can I say?

Apparently I don't have to say anything as he starts to speak again, "Sasori-danna, I don't care if you can say the same thing to me, un, I don't care if you love me too, but I do love you, un, and I can't go on without you knowing that. You're the first person that I have ever met that has been able to stop me with a single glance, just a little glimpse of the eyes, danna. You're the first person that I get nervous about talking to because I don't know what to say, un. You're the first person that has ever made me feel happy to just be near them, un, all I have to do is be near you. I love you, danna."

I feel his hands wrap over mine, and I see passion fill his eyes. But what he just said… is that really what love is? Or is it just something that he thinks is love? If… if that is what love is… then, "I love you too, Deidara."

He looks at me, tears of relief filling his eyes as I continue, "If everything you just described is love… then I think Ilove you too. You can stop me with a single glance. I do get nervous about what to say to you when it's just you and me. And I feel happy… content… I don't know! I feel… warm when I'm around you, I feel warm inside. That's rare for me, Deidara… to feel warm."

He leans over and in, his face in my neck, kissing, and sucking, and nipping the skin, "Mm, I love you, un."

I moan and he nips harder. I grab onto his hips, fingers digging in holding him close to me. I push him into the wall and make sure we're pressed together as hard as possible before I start to move my hands gently up and down his sides.

When he still takes no initiative, I press my hands against his chest for a moment, causing him to gasp and look at me in shock as I force my tongue into his mouth. His eyes close again quickly as I return to massaging his sides with my hands, my tongue probing his mouth. His arms slip around my neck as my tongue meets his, wrapping around his and beginning a silent battle. He moans into my mouth, hot air filling my aching and oxygen deprived lungs.

I pull back, gasping in painfully, barely repressing a sough as sweet fresh air fills my lungs. His eyes are burning as they look into mine, emotions running through them too fast to understand. I feel one of his hands move from my neck and start to lift my shirt. I pull back a little and his hand instantly is back to my neck.

"I'm sorry, Sasori-danna! I'm so sorry, un," he whimpers out, pulling me into a tight embrace.

I kiss his neck, "It's alright. I should be the sorry one. You're not him; you wouldn't… do what he did, because it's different with you. I would, I do, consent to you." It sounds more like I'm trying to convince myself, even to my own ears.

He kisses me gently then, smiling against my lips, stray tears mixing over our lips and I can't tell who's crying. His hand goes back to removing my shirt, just enough room for it to fit between us. I can now tell the tears are his, and I gently kiss them away as I push him over and onto my bed.

He makes quick work of my shirt, and I watch as he lets his hands wander freely over my wooden body, carefully exploring the seal over my heart, the cavern in my stomach and the cable within, and finally the blades in their rightful place in my back. I close my eyes to the caresses, the warmth that his gentle touches bring. In return to his caresses, I take off his shirt as well, kissing every inch of skin I can reach. I moans, his hands on my back and his stomach arching up to reach for my lips, sending waves of heat down low into my body.

I gasp and he pulls me so we're eye to eye, kissing me again before inching my pants off. A twinge of doubt runs through me, but I push it far into the corner of my mind, enjoying this more than fearing it. The kiss breaks and I find myself naked in front of Deidara for the second time, and I realize where the tension had come from most the first time. The way he looks at me is the same as he looked at me in the bathroom, with me in the bathtub, and now I know it was desire. Love. Lust. His eyes travel over my body as I start to remove his pants in turn. He gasps when the cool air of the room hits him, and moans as I kiss the tip of his member.

"Deidara," the sound of my voice causes him to look at me instantly, "please, clean me. Drive him out of me."

He nods, turning us over so I'm the one pinned to the bed. A sudden image and a flash of a pale, almost white, color flashes before my eyes, but it's gone in an instant. I moan, grasping onto his back as he prepares me and then positions himself at my entrance. He pushes in and I moan, though even I can't tell if it's from pain or pleasure.

He stops for a moment, and I manage to say, "Deidara… please!"

His first real thrust sends pain searing through my body, and suddenly there are two people above me. They're both cloudy, each in the same spot, shadowing each other. The one person is still Deidara, but I see Orochimaru. Suddenly it's only Orochimaru above me.

I start to shake, and cry out. The thrusts from the man above only come harder, and my mind fogs with thought and pleasure. It feels so good… It can't be Orochimaru… I don't care… He ran away… This feels right… Please make him go away again.

Despite what I see I pull myself closer to the snake man and find that he smells just like Deidara. It can't be Orochimaru! I close my eyes and press myself as hard as I can against the body above me as I ride out this confusing mixture of pleasure, pain, and terror. In my mind I only see Deidara. That's who this has to be.

"Ha-Harder," I pant out, and he complies.

Cringing silently with the one that I love pounding relentlessly into my body, I feel climax crawl closer and closer until I'm on the edge. I feel myself fall into my climax like going over a waterfall, a sense of free falling peace, mixed with shear terror, and then like hitting the water below, my senses come crashing back to me. I hold on harder than ever, screaming my lover's name.

Vaguely I notice that he has climaxed too, and I also notice my name pass his lips once, followed by hearing it a few more times, only whispered. He drops me to the bed, too weak to hold me up, and just manages to pull out of me before collapsing at my side. I pull myself ever closer, my eyes still glued shut.

"Danna?" Deidara whispers out, "What's wrong, un? Please… did I hurt you, danna? Open your eyes, un, please."

I shake my head, "No, no, I'm sorry but I can't. I'm so sorry, but… my gods! He was here, Orochimaru. He was you, and he only went away when I closed my eyes. I love you and I can't get rid of him. I hate him."

"Oh danna," he whimpers, "Please, un, it's okay. Please don't cry."

Cry? I reach up and feel my face slick with tears. When did I start crying? I put my hand onto his back again, and he winces. I pull my fingers back and see crimson stains.

"Oh Deidara… I can't do anything right," I apologize.

He holds me even tighter still, "Danna, I love you, don't you ever worry about that, un. The only way you could ever hurt me now is if you stopped letting me love you."

I curl into his arms, "I love you."

"I know."

"I love you so much, Deidara."

"Thank you."

* * *

a/n: please review! 


	7. Chapter 7

a/n: omg! I am so sorry this took so long to update! I really really am! and since I know this chapter is like, so short, I'll update again before the weekend (I hope) if not over the weekend asap. Again, I am so sorry for the delay, please continue to review! (i'm looking for maybe three to five before I update)

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

on to the story:

DEIDARA POV

A loud rapping at the door jolts me awake, shaking me from my pleasant dreams. I look over to the door, ready to answer, and watch Sasori-danna, already dressed answer it instead, walking with a slight hindrance. I feel my cheeks burn with guilt.

He opens the door, wearing loose sweatpants that I have come to know as his lounge wear. I hear bantering between Kisame and Itachi just outside.

"Sasori," Itachi greets plainly, then looks in the room, "Deidara."

"Hi, Itachi, un," I greet back, letting my signature smirk creep onto my lips from my less than welcome position under the blankets of the bed.

Kisame instantly chimes in from somewhere off to the right of where I can see, "We're off on an assassination, all of us. I know it sounds strange, but what's worse is we're not sure of who we're after-"

"We're to meet Zetsu," Itachi interrupts, "at the leaf village border and learn more there." I watch as he glares off to the right, presumably at Kisame.

"Sounds good, un," I draw his attention back to us.

Sasori-danna just nods in agreement, making one of the puppets nearby move to his side. Itachi smirks, the closest to a smile I have ever seen him get to, or at least in front of me. He then turns, reaching out and drags Kisame by an arm back in the general direction of their room.

I grin wildly, "An assassination, un? Sound like fun!"

Sasori turns to me, "Don't get too excited, and never get confident. The two can be deadly."

I instantly quiet down and find some pants before gathering some clay into one of my travel bags. An assassination for my first mission? Quite a jump from the measly spying that I had to do as a trainee. It sounds like fun, but what about Sasori-danna? Should he really be going out there while he's still healing? He's still jumpy, and he is my danna, so I worry about him.

I glance over at him as he does the same to me, catching my eyes and making me glance away once more.

"Don't worry about me, Deidara, take care of yourself first. We may have two man squads, and this may be a four man operation, but if push comes to shove you know akatsuki law: we leave those who can't fight for themselves behind. If you get in trouble, I won't be able to do much, not if the others won't agree to it," he turns to me, "I'll be fine though. This is just a routine mission to me."

"I know you'll be fine, un," and I believe it, but knowing they won't go back for him, or me, worries me.

Watching him professionally set poison needles into a giant puppet makes me appreciate more that I have such a great danna that knows what he's doing. The massive thing he works on his a face in the front that seems to be covered by a scarf my danna placed there, and there's another larger face on the back. The tail that my Sasori-danna is now tampering with looms largely over me.

"This is Hiruko," he answers my unasked question, "a puppet specifically modified to act as armor. During the duration of our mission there are few times that I leave the safety of Hiruko, for it also can be used for attacks, as you can tell. Once we are one the road I will only leave Hiruko to blend in if we enter a village, or when we meet Zetsu, because it's law that we meet face to face, again you know that."

I nod, then grin, "Neat, un!" Truthfully, the idea of staring at that thing the whole time is freaky.

"Neat or not," he smirks, "it's effective. In battle it has never failed me."

Wow! My danna may be even better than I thought. Maybe I'm being too pessimistic about this.


	8. Chapter 8

a/n: I said give me 3 to 5 by the middle of the week and I'd post. Here I am, with 6! wow! thanks everyone! I will appologize ahead of time, I had to end this one with a cliffhanger... cause I'm evil like that. Just kidding, about the evil part at least, the chapter just begged to be left in a cliffhanger. Sorry.

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

Story starts here (dunno why those little line things hate me all of a sudden, so I will improvise):

_linelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelineline_

SASORI POV

Nine hours… nine _long_ hours later and we still have one more hour until we reach the relay point and Zetsu. All I have learned in these past nine hours is that Deidara can stay on one topic for over three hours. He is also able to wear my nerves down in half that time.

"For the last time," I growl, "I am _not_ going to give you a piggy back ride. I don't need your weight on this thing, it weighs enough!"

"Oh c'mon," Kisame shoots me a grin, "I've seen you carry way more weight than Deidara even comes close to with Hiruko."

"That was dead weight, which Deidara is incapable of acting as for an hour," in an undertone I add, "sadly."

Itachi smirks, apparently catching the undertone word, though no one else seems to have caught it. Deidara pouts and crosses his arms over his chest.

"I can so sit still, danna!" he protests.

I roll my eyes as he comes up alongside me to get a better position to argue. I do not openly answer him, though I do allow my real hand to reach out through Hiruko and gently rest it on his arm. He doesn't stop walking, but I can feel the sudden freeze of his upper body muscles as he looks down to my hand.

Though the conversation could have lasted the entire hour, it stops now. Kisame starts to catch up to us, Itachi being at the front of the little parade we have going, and I drop my hand before either decide to look. I dropped my hand just in time too, it seems, as Itachi turns to watch Kisame approach and manage to keep up his pace enough to be alongside his partner.

"I thought you were going to be the lookout at the back of the group," Itachi glares at the shark man.

Kisame shrugs, "It gets boring."

"It's important."

"Not to me."

I step in between the two as Itachi turns to make the conversation more heated and possibly violent, "Hey, hey, you two, save it for the mission. Itachi, if it's really that important to you _I'll_ go take guard at the back."

He huffs at me but then shrugs, "Fine."

Deidara moves to follow me and I shake my head, watching Kisame drop back from Itachi, knowing he angered his partner/lover even if he didn't mean to. Yes, I know they aren't really open about it, but the two _have_ to have something going on between them, and Deidara and I exchange glances knowingly.

Kisame turns to Deidara, "So this is your first big mission, what did you have to do as a trainee?"

"Spying, infiltration, stuff like that, un," Deidara smiles up at him, his famous perk of one side of his lips.

"They've made it much easier on the trainees lately," Kisame grumbles.

I nod, "I hear you. Though, then again, how many trainees did they lose the year you joined?"

"About twenty," he turns to me.

"I think I know why they give us the harder missions now." He nods in agreement.

Itachi then turns, "Yeah, but if you think about it, doesn't it only count as you losing two that time around?"

I turn to him, and then think about it, "No, not really, it still counts as losing twenty."

"That's not to say," Kisame grins, "that all twenty were lost to the enemy."

Deidara turns to him in shock, "What do you mean, un?"

Itachi's eyes flare red, swirling, "I killed the other eighteen."

"They were the highest ranking," I admit.

Kisame laughs, "That got Itachi boosted to first choice, which is the only reason most of us agree he managed to get the position he has."

Itachi turns back to the road, "Tch, they were nothing. They were weak."

"Speaking of weak," Kisame hurries to Itachi's side again, "You might want to save your chakra. I think we can survive without the sharingan for an hour, ne?"

Itachi looks at him for a second, and in that second I fear for Kisame's life, but then Itachi simply nods, and deactivates the sharingan. Deidara watches this, and then stares at the Uchiha's onyx eyes.

"What?" Itachi shoots at Deidara after a moment.

"Sorry, un," Deidara turns away, "I've just never seen you without your sharingan before."

"Hn," Itachi turns, "this'll probably be the only time you do."

"Your eyes look better without all that red, un," Deidara nods, "The red may match your cloak, un, but your natural eyes make you less scary."

"Who says I want to not be scary?" Itachi turns to him, giving him a looming glare.

Kisame pushes Itachi's shoulder, "Stop picking on Deidara, Itachi, you'll give the impression that you're not a people person."

"I'm not," Itachi turns to the blue skinned man.

"True, but try not to give that impression," I grin at that.

"Yeah, Itachi, wouldn't want to blow our cover," I chime in.

"What cover?" he scoffs.

"Good point," I shrug.

We stop talking, and for the first time on this long trek the silence is comfortable. I look at the sun, only a couple minutes, maybe a quarter of an hour, before we reach our destination. I shake my head, only imagining whom it could be if all of us were sent to take care of them. It could be that Leader just wanted to make sure the job got done, but this is over kill.

As the clearing comes into view, Itachi reactivates his sharingan, and Kisame shifts Samehada to a better striking position. We don't intend to fight, but five known murderers, missing-nin, and akatsuki members in one place is ANBU heaven, they would instantly attack and try to destroy us all, or at least one of us. One is always better then none.

We reach the clearing and the exact border and all of us realize one thing right away. Zetsu's energy trace is no where near us. None of us can even find it.

We exchange glances before Itachi's sharingan swirls to life, and scans the area. In the mean time I watch Kisame go to wander the land, a worried expression on his face. I look over to Deidara and he can sense the tension, he knows something is wrong, and that no one likes it.

"What's wrong with Kisame, un?" Deidara asks.

"It's not like Zetsu to not be at a relay point," I answer.

"What's wrong," a voice, a different voice, an all too familiar voice, "looking for this?"

We all turn, and time slows as all of our eye lock onto the pale man at the top of the nearest hill in the clearing, holding Zetsu's body as if it were the unwanted carcass of an animal. His eyes lock with mine and time freeze. Why are _you_ here Orochimaru?

_linelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelineline_

a/n: please review, most appreciated!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: alright, I am sorry about having all these short chapters, but this chapter is longer. I've written ahead and have everything from two page chapters to five page chapters at times, so it's really fluctuating form here on out. Sorry.

Thanks for all the support, reviews always appreciated!

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto  
_breakbreakbreakbreakbreak_

DEIDARA POV

I watch as the pale man throws Zetsu's body onto the ground between our group and himself. Zetsu's body rolls down the slight slope, moving in a boneless way that only a corpse is capable of. It's sickening.

I hear Kisame growl in the background, grinding out the name, "Orochimaru."

So this is him? This is the snake man that I keep hearing of? This is the one that hurt my danna?

"Yes," the man hisses, "doesn't seem that long ago that I would be on your side, now does it?"

"What do you want?" Itachi's blank voice reaches me from only a few feet behind me. I never heard him approach.

"Didn't _your_ Leader tell you?" amusement plays across the traitor's face, "Your mission was to track me down. I _am_ the mission. I thought I would just save you some time." I look over at Sasori-danna as Orochimaru does and I can hear the bastard chuckle, "Oh, look who we have here. Sasori! Your Leader figure you should have your revenge, or maybe you were supposed to be bait? Oh, yes, you are oh so tempting bait."

I growl and through a shuriken made of my clay at the snake's head. Though he dodges the attack, it does surprise him temporarily. Unfortunately, in dodging it he took away my chance at blowing it up in his face. I move to my danna's side and watch as Orochimaru's eyes track me.

"So," for the first time annoyance leaks into his voice, "you're my replacement? Hn. Looks like the recruits are growing weaker."

"Look who's talking," Itachi smirks, voice still bland.

Orochimaru frowns. Kisame starts to laugh and Orochimaru shoots snakes at him, ones that come out from his sleeves, as if waiting wrapped around his arms. The snakes quiet the shark man's laughter, rendering him immobile. The state does not last long, though, as Itachi uses a kunai to cut one of the snake's heads clear off, a feral scream resonating from the rest as they retreat.

Kisame draws the giant blade that never seems to leave his back and for the first time I really get a good look at it. It's wrapped in bandages and seems pretty heavy, though with Kisame's strength he wields it as if it weighed as much as a feather. He turns to Orochimaru and says, "You've caught me off guard once, that will never happen again."

"Don't be so sure," Orochimaru counters, "or do you forget the shinobi rule to never let the enemy gain advantage with the first attack?"

"I remember," Kisame growls, "but I thought Deidara took care of that."

"Hn," Orochimaru grins, "at least I don't have to school you, and we can actually begin this fight."

Orochimaru disappears in an instant, and I feel his chakra move behind me. I turn and duck just as a weapon goes for my neck, though I don't see what it is. I manage to make contact with one of his legs before he moves away once more. He smirks at me, baring his teeth that I now notice include fangs, thinking he has dodged my attack, when an explosion wipes the grin clear off his face.

I watch as he jumps back, just missing the blunt of the explosion, and I mirror him, avoiding the boom as well. Smoke rises between us, and I start running to the side to get a better view of him, and he does the same, going the opposite direction and throwing kunai at me through the smoke. The weapons are easy to dodge, but when he comes through the smoke himself I am not close to being prepared. I try to move out of the way, but he throws senbon out in all directions, a spray of them hitting my chest and arms.

There is no pain for a long stretch of time in which he lands and so do I. He backs up from me a little and starts to laugh insanely as air suddenly stops coming as easily. My breath starts to grow ragged, until I'm gasping in a desperate attempt to fill my lungs. My vision starts to dull around the edges, and it sounds like I'm underwater, but I can still see that pale bastard standing and watching me, still hear him laughing at me. I fall to my knees, gasping and coughing. The coughing brings bright red droplets to spray the ground. My blood sprays the ground.

I feel arms wrap around me, leaning me back slightly and opening my airways just a little. I'm so numb I can't even tell who's helping me. I lean into the warm body as it rests me on my back. I finally manage to see around the clouds of black that it's my Sasori-danna helping me. I knew he would… I know he loves me…

SASORI POV

I watch Deidara pass out with a certain numbness spreading through me. The numbness that engulfs me is the kind that you only get when a part of you dies, when a part of you gives into the rage and the kill, and when all time seems to stop when you lose someone close to you. Deidara's lungs have been pierced, he could potentially die, and with that knowledge I know that I must kill Orochimaru. That is my job now.

I turn back to the chuckling Orochimaru and send him a death glare and a promise at the same time. A promise that I will kill him. If only looks could kill…

Orochimaru's attention is quickly drawn back to Kisame as the man charges at the snake, Samehada swinging to strike, the bandaging loosening and falling off slightly. He misses and I make my move, though not without noticing the rage in Kisame's eyes at what Orochimaru has done to Deidara. Being inside Hiruko I do get certain measures of safety, but when I saw Deidara falling, I was out of Hiruko in an instant, so I use my next best option.

I summon Sandaime Kazekage, or the puppet that I made him into, and waste no time in attacking my rapist, sending poison darts at him. They miss, but only slightly, nicking his clothes and tearing them. His attention is back to me.

"You dared to try to ruin me without thinking of what would happen if I was saved. You dared to take Zetsu's life without remembering the akatsuki do not take a death of their own lightly. You dared to try the same with Deidara, and possibly succeed. I'm sick of you getting away with it," my voice remains as numb as I do, rage, though, boils just beneath the surface.

The snake claps his hands, "What a wonderful speech! But I wonder can you follow it up with an encore? Or maybe you just don't want to?"

Through out his little 'speech,' I have been extending the cord in my stomach so that it is within striking position of his back, "I'll let _you_ be the judge." To accent the final word I strike, managing to dig in and scrape bone.

A piercing cry fills the clearing. I smirk as he pants, my wire having returned to me, out just far enough to drip his blood at my feet. Kisame charges again, this time taking my lead and trying from behind. I watch as everything slows down, Orochimaru opening his mouth and letting a sword emerge. I try to cry out for Kisame to move, but I don't manage a word before the snake spins, the sword lashing out and striking Kisame in the top of his leg. As he flies back the sword keeps pushing him, hilt at the front of his leg, Kisame's eyes widening. Finally the wild ride ends when Kisame's back hits another hill, sword piercing the earth. Orochimaru grins satisfactorily, pulling the knife with a sickening sucking sound from Kisame's leg, the mud deposited in the wound noticeable from here, seeping out with his blood.

I watch the sword fall and the snake attached to it slither out of Orochimaru's mouth. The sword then becomes another snake, and both snakes slither back to Orochimaru, wrapping around his shaking legs.

I turn back to Kisame and suddenly Itachi's there, holding his partner up and taking the weight off the injured leg before sitting Kisame down. Kisame pulls a belt out of his cloak, probably the one he had been wearing, and lets Itachi wrap the belt above the wound and tighten it so that Kisame's normal cerulean color becomes more of a pale periwinkle. Never thought I would describe _him_ with such a girlish sounding color, but it's the closest I can think of. I'm still watching as Itachi rolls his eyes and then turns to Orochimaru, sharingan swirling to life.

"Sasori," he says as though angered, though not angered with at me, and the warning is enough. I turn my eyes to Orochimaru, who is stupidly turning his eyes to Itachi.

Orochimaru drops to his knees in an instant, writhing on the ground, eyes never leaving the enraged Uchiha's. The mangekyou sharingan is a mysterious thing. Itachi doesn't use it often, just often enough to have a reputation because of it. He only really uses it, though, when he's upset or desperate. Something tells me he is far from the latter. Sure Kisame gets on his nerves, but in the end he's really the only one there for Itachi whenever Itachi needs him, whether in battle or just back at base, and Itachi knows it. He'd die to protect his friend, and his rumored lover.

When eye contact breaks on Orochimaru's part I hear Itachi grunt and then move closer. I move closer as well. I see Itachi move to pull out a weapon and I stop him, grabbing his wrist. He looks at me, stoic, but annoyance dancing in his still red eyes.

"This is my kill to make," I point out, numbness slowly giving in to rage. I release his wrist and he drops his hand letting me take the kill as I requested. No… as I demanded. I ready Sandaime above his head, all secret openings showing and poison darts ready. As I move to command the first of many to fly the bastard starts to laugh.

I growl, "What's so funny?"

"That I underestimated your lust for revenge, or something close to that at least," he laughs, but the sound is bitter, "If this fight were to continue I know that I would die, I admit that, for now. Until next time," before I can finish the hand sign to shoot the darts at him he raises his hands and disappears in a cloud of chakra.

I ready myself to do the same and turn to Itachi, "Come on. We can't let him get away."

"Yes we can," Itachi comments, finally giving in to exhaustion and panting, "That stunt I pulled used a good portion of my chakra, and I know I won't be able to do that again. There's no way I'm letting you go after him alone, you may be strong, but he'll get inside your head."

For Itachi that was a speech, and he never talks that much unless he has a good reason to do so.

I grin, though it's not whole hearted, "Yeah. Besides, what would Leader say if he lost _three_ people for _one_ mission?"

"What do you mean _three_?" a gruff voice coughs.

I turn to see Zetsu stumbling to his feet, still partially on the slope and landing on his knees at the bottom of the hill. He coughs some grime onto the ground, then some blood, and then just dry coughs, but he's alive. I walk calmly but quickly to his side as he stumbles to his feet again, grabbing his arm and slinging it over my shoulders. He lets me support his weight, and I gently try to help him move forward. I feel half his weight on me, then slowly a little more at a time, until I'm off balance supporting all his weight.

I kneel down and he manages to cough out, "Sorry," but by now he's slurring his words and I can't tell which voice it is.

I nod," It's alright. Let me go check out Deidara, I'll be right back."

He sits down completely, the short walk having taken a good portion of his energy, and I rush over to Deidara. The blow he took was cheap, but not something to be taken lightly. It is a strategy, an effective one. I check his pulse, and it's like a fly struggling to move after it's been squashed, fleeting movements but no real energy. He's barely hanging on. I check his breathing and listen to his lungs around the senbon, and I can hear the punctures in his lungs wheezing.

He struggles in another breath and I carefully brush my fingers over his cheek, "It's okay, Deidara, we're going to get you patched up, and you'll be okay." I promise.


	10. Chapter 10

a/n: okay, okay, no more cliffhanger, and no more death threats I hope. Look at the first sentence! see! sweat drops though i am honored that so many people repsonded so readily.

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

**_PLEASE REVIEW!_**

SASORI POV

I glance across the room at a cough from Deidara. We were attacked five days ago, and he only woke up three days ago. I watch over him like a hawk, as he used to watch over me only closer. At the first sign of a relapse I need to alert the medical team immediately. He's still on the edge.

I watch him turn his head to grin at me, and in a weak voice comment, "Stop looking at me like I'm gonna die if I breathe, un, because I'm pretty sure it's the opposite. You're going to make _me_ paranoid, Sasori-danna."

I move to his side and kiss his forehead, "Sorry."

He shrugs, "No problem, un."

I run my fingers through his hair, kissing his cheek and resting a hand on his chest. I feel a slight hitch in his breathing, but it's not something that he would feel, and it's no where near as bad as it was a few days ago.

"Hey, Kisame is coming by later," I remind him, "So you won't have to listen to boring old me for a while."

He smiles mischievously, "You're not old, danna."

I mock frown, "Are you saying I'm boring?"

He nods.

"Well I can't take _that_ now, can I?" I growl into his ear. Not a threat, just a growl.

"Oh, come on, un, you know you're boring."

"That hurts, Deidara," I mockingly state, backing away.

"Sorry, danna," and I can hear that he truly feels bad.

I smile down at him and his innocence, "Don't be."

He coughs and I have to turn him on his side it's so violent. There's no blood, a small blessing, but the coughing itself is taxing enough. I can feel his energy starting to drain, his coughs becoming harder before they finally even out and he gasps for breath. I hold him still on his side for a few more seconds, my hand rubbing up and down his arm and my other working his back to try and ease the tension in his chest.

Seeing his helplessly weak form after these fits constantly reminds me of the aftermath of our failed assassination. With Zetsu up and moving… well at least moving, not standing but moving, we had enough combined chakra remaining to transport Deidara and ourselves back to base. With Kisame's immense amount of chakra he easily could transport himself and Itachi back. I will admit, it's not the best mode of transportation for stealth, but we weren't trying to be quiet.

Zetsu was taken to the medical wing to stay there, have some medical ninjas patch him up a bit from some poisoning, and then go back to his room to rest. Itachi helped Kisame to the medical wing, since they accidentally transported to their room. Kisame was treated quickly, but since the healers were all taking care of Zetsu he had to go back with a simple patch up.

I carried Deidara to the medical wing, where he was taken to a back room. Apparently the needles that pierced his lungs were coated with some other sort of poison. They couldn't heal it quickly; it had to be done the old fashion way. They got him on some artificial breathing thing and kept him hooked to that for a couple of days, until he woke up. They took it out on the third day after drugging him. He complained about a sore throat the rest of the day.

Itachi? He took his "best course of action" and as soon as Kisame was in the medical wing he went back to their room and slept for thirty-two hours straight. As I later heard from Kisame they had been training for a few days before we were sent on the mission, Itachi hadn't even gone to bed. When we finally got back to the base Itachi had been up for about forty-eight hours straight. Chakra depletion and exhaustion are like taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills, including the risk of death. I'm surprised he made it as long as he did.

I stayed night and day in the medical ward, first in a chair outside Deidara's room, and finally when I was let into the room I stayed by his side. There were people coming in day and night to give him these injections while he was still asleep. Apparently they were to keep him healthy, since he wasn't eating and they didn't want to shock his system with a constant IV. Also, the blood in his lungs that had gotten in there was making breathing quite the chore, so they had healers incessantly in and out to make sure he was getting enough air.

When Deidara finally woke up they would come in every hour for the first couple of days and induce coughing fits to get rid of all the fluid in his lungs. He said they hurt a lot, and I didn't question that, so after the first three or four times I took up the habit of holding his hand, letting him know I was there and also letting him squeeze it when it hurt. If it hurt a lot, and I could tell because my fingers would start to go numb, I would even wrap my free arm around his shoulders and hold him still. He enjoyed those times the most, despite the coughing. He told me that later on, actually, yesterday, when he finally got to come back to our room.

Under threat of death it was spread as a rumor that I was out training. Only Deidara, the medical squad, and I'm sure Sir Leader, knew I was there. I haven't told the others about it yet, I may not tell them at all.

I roll Deidara onto his back in the here and now, gently washing some sweat from his forehead and cheeks with a cold cloth.

"You don't have to do that, un," that same weak voice.

I shake my head, "I don't mind." I pause for a moment, thinking of how to phrase what I want to say, "Besides, I owe you."

"You don't owe me, Sasori-danna, un."

"I think I do."

"Why, un?"

I smirk, "You went after him with more anger than a wild cat, not many people would do that for me."

He puts his famous smirk on, "No one hurts my Sasori-danna, un."

I put my hand on his shoulder, "I know, Deidara, thanks."

A knock on the door alerts us to Kisame, who doesn't even wait for an answer to enter.

"That was rude," I snap.

"Hello to you too, Sasori," he grins back, "And what are you complaining about? I knocked, didn't I?"

Deidara, sensing the imminent fight I'm sure, decides to cut in, "Hey, Kisame, what are you doing out of bed, un? I heard that you were sentenced to stay in one spot."

"That sentence, Deidara, ended at midnight," he looks as relieved as he sounds.

Deidara laughs, causing him to cough.

"Take it easy," I stroke his hair.

"Looks like you _do _have a soft spot, Sasori," Kisame laughs.

"Tell anyone and I'll stick Samehada up your ass."

I turn to Deidara as he says, "He might enjoy that, though, danna."

"No," I shake my head, "that's only if Itachi does it."

Kisame growls, "Point taken."

As if on cue, Itachi walks in the door, "Damn it, Kisame, you're not aloud to be moving around until tomorrow!"

"Aw, Itachi," the shark man smiles, baring his teeth, "I didn't know you cared."

The Uchiha shoots the master swordsman a glare that could kill, before sighing, a tired sound, "Is your leg hurting?"

"No."

Itachi, not convinced and not happy, growls, "Fine. You can stay, but I'm helping you back to the room."

Geez, Itachi's in a talkative mood, though it seems to end as quick as it started as he watches Kisame sit in a chair that I stole from the medical ward and stands behind his partner. As Kisame leans back into the padding of the chair, Itachi lets his hands rest on Kisame's upper arms, massaging the muscles there lightly. I smirk up at the sharingan master, who pointedly ignores me. The tension in Itachi, though, is no more as it flows out of him in a wave of relief. Apparently even Itachi can worry about someone sometimes.

If Itachi is acting so slack, I may as well do the same…

I run my fingers through Deidara's hair soothingly. He doesn't respond, just as Kisame does not respond to Itachi, but both look infinitely more relaxed.

Kisame looks up, "So, Deidara, heard you were having a rough time."

He nods, "Yeah, but you know me, un," he coughs a little, "quick healer."

"Well, quick healer," I comment, "I'll believe it when I see it. You're still coughing."

"Oh, please, un," Deidara scoffs, "it's nothing."

"Sure," I rub his forehead, "sure."

"He is a pretty good healer," Kisame chimes in, "You have to think about how most people would still be out cold right now."

I shrug, "True."

"I'll be fine, danna," Deidara smiles up at me, "I promise."


	11. Chapter 11

a/n: umm... really thanks for all the support... um... I don't know what else to say right now

**FOR ALL THOSE WHO NEED THIS WARNING, THIS CHAPTER DOES CONTAIN "MATURE CONTENT" NOT A LEMON, BUT STILL WHAT PEOPLE WOULD CONSIDER "MATURE"**

please review

SASORI POV

I feel warmth against my neck, and across my waist. I feel a warm rush of air against my neck and constant warmth against my waist. I close my eyes tighter, the warmth being a welcome surprise. There's a pause of cool air against my neck as I move back towards the warmth, and then the rush of air hits my neck again.

I open my eyes and can't believe what I see.

DEIDARA POV

I've been in bed for a week and two days, for the longest time because of a cough from the needles that Orochimaru succeeded in piercing my lungs with. Yesterday, though, I lied a little to my danna. I wasn't really coughing, or I didn't have to cough, I was planning.

My Sasori-danna has been going crazy taking care of me and I want to thank him. I waited until today and made sure I woke up early. I wanted to do this all yesterday, but Kisame came the day before and didn't let me get my thoughts straight, staying almost the entire day. I waited until this morning and woke up early, making sure I was up first. When I did wake up I moved over to my danna's bed, putting my face to his neck and wrapping an arm securely around his waist.

I feel him lazily get his senses about him and curl back against me. He then jumps in my arms, seeing my empty bed and the bathroom door wide open. In his panic he tries to sit up, but I don't let him, so he turns around and stops when he sees me. His breath, which had started to race, slows down and his heartbeat goes from seemingly trying to escape his chest to "what was that?" shocked.

I nuzzle his neck, "Good morning, un."

He doesn't seem to be able to comprehend that I'm the one beside him, that I'm okay.

"Relax," I kiss his cheek, "I just wanted to surprise you Sasori-danna, though I guess that worked a little too well, un."

His panic-stricken glare turns to empty shock, "How long-?"

"I was better yesterday, un, but I had to think of some way to thank you, so I thought I would surprise you like this. This was a bad idea, un, sorry," I lower my head.

I feel his hands on either side of my face, and then one hand reaches for my chin, making me look at him, "I'm just glad you're okay."

He leans in and tilts his head, forcing his lips to mine. I moan, closing my eyes as he does and kissing back lightly. He gently prods my lips with his, going no further, a sweet and grateful kiss.

"I'm still sorry, un," I start to kiss his neck.

"If this is how you appologize I can't wait to see how you thank people," he moans.

I kiss him quickly on the lips, "Only you, danna, un."

"Good to know," he locks his leg around mine, forcing our bodies against each other.

As we lean in and our lips touch there is a loud rumble that freezes us both. I back off, and start to laugh when we hear it again, realizing it's my stomach.

"Sorry, danna," I kiss his cheek, "but I need food, un."

"We can both go for some breakfast then," he kisses my jaw and then pulls back, letting his leg unlock mine.

I gently bring myself into a sitting position and then pull him up as well. I crawl over him to get to my own bed, grabbing a change of clothes and my cloak.

"I call the bathroom, un!" I beam.

He glares at me as we both make a dash for the door, "Not if I can help it."

We get there at the same time, me trying to push past him. I manage to squeeze through and try to close the door, but he holds it open easily.

"Deidara, you always take forever, and its not like I have that much to do," he complains.

I kiss him teasingly on the lips and suggest, "We could share, un."

"How? It's barely large enough for one person at the sink, let alone trying to shove two people over there," he points out. And it's true. How they can manage to make the tub the biggest thing in the bathroom is beyond me. Maybe the people who built this place knew something we didn't. Go figure.

"I need a quick shower any ways, un," I smile, "you can have the sink."

"What if I want a shower?" he mock frowns.

"You're a puppet, danna," I sigh.

He shrugs, "Not all of me. I have to stay clean too, you know."

I grin, pulling him against me, "We can still share."

He moves his face so he's looking over my shoulder, "We shouldn't."

"It doesn't have to get personal, un," I kiss his neck.

"It already has," he nuzzles my shoulder.

I pull back, "I'm sorry, danna, I've just missed this so much, un."

"I know," he slowly takes his shirt off while still pressed against me, "I know."

I gently caress his arms, wishing to do so to his sides, but knowing he wouldn't feel the soft touches there. He moves his arms to life my shirt and I finish the job. His hands instantly travel to my chest, then down to my stomach, and finally to my back as he kisses my cheek.

We peel back, him removing the rest of his clothes, me brushing my teeth and then stripping as he turns the water on and starts the shower. I gather my hair and skin products, taking the respectful ones with me into the shower as we both step in. It's sad to say, but my collection is starting to rival Itachi's.

I keep my shampoo and set down my soap as I feel Sasori-danna's hands travel around my waist. He pulls me backwards and before I know what is happening I feel a slick and cold stone wall behind me. The shower is set back at an odd angle, there are to exposed sides of the square which have a curtain that can be drawn to keep shower water from escaping onto the tile. But there are also two walls that are attached, one with the showerhead and the other just out of the spray.

I moan as my danna'a lips move to brush my ear as he whispers, "Behave yourself."

I feel a rush of warmth as he moves back and growl, "Speak for yourself, un."

He grins at me and pulls me into the water, getting out of the direct spray himself. I roll my eyes and wet my hair, then glob some shampoo onto my head. I force my hand-mouths closed as tight as I can get them, about to lather the shampoo, when I feel fingers start to massage my scalp. I try to turn, but my danna's body presses into me from behind and halts me.

I close my eyes as he washes my hair, care for me in every touch. He doesn't like to admit that he loves me out loud, but more and more I am able to feel the care in his touch, simple brushes turning to caresses. I feel him rinse my hair, and then a pause before he starts to soap my back. He uses only his hands as my muscles shiver at his touch, tensing and relaxing all at once.

He finishes my back and drapes his arms around my neck, "You can finish the rest."

"Yeah… un…" I breath out.

I do finish washing up on my own, having most of the space to myself as my danna quickly washes the flesh parts of his body and then jumps out. I don't watch him, worrying that if I do turn around and even just take a peak I won't be able to take my eyes off of him. I know that if I turn around now I will not be able to behave myself.

I finish well after him, taking my time with washing up as he brushes his teeth and then gets dressed while still in the bathroom. It's amazing how anyone can manage to even move in here, but we seem to have gotten it down to an art form all its own. When I finally step out, my danna is already leaving the room.

"I'll wait for you, but try to hurry," he grins.

"Of course, un," I smile back at him, letting my left hand-mouth stick it's tongue out at him.

He rolls his eyes and I look to the sink with all of my hair and skin care products, then back to him as he leaves. I grab my clothes, throwing on my boxers and pants before taking the rest into the room with me.

"Are my eyes deceiving me?" my danna turns over on his bed from lying on his stomach to lying on his side, "or did you just skip all your hair and skin junk?"

"Drop it, un," I growl.

He smiles and stands up as I pull my shirt over my head. He pulls it roughly into place before kissing my lips, "I love you too."

I kiss his lips and then throw on my cloak, "Don't expect this often, Sasori-danna."

"I won't," he smiles as we throw on our cloaks and leave for some breakfast.


	12. Chapter 12

a/n: well, sorry I didn't update sooner. Along side this I'm working on a challenge fanfiction for a Halloween contest... and also working on my Halloween costume. Again, sorry! Thanks for being so supportive!

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

yeah... and just cause some people have complained:

**this chapter contains mature content**

* * *

DEIDARA POV

We take our time getting out the door, knowing there is no rush for the food. As we walk out of the room, he instantly is as stoic as possible, something I have come to accept and expect. We don't get very far before I see Kisame hurrying from the direction of the cafeteria. He grins when he sees me, then frowns.

"There you are, Deidara," he stops in front of us, "Leader wants to see you."

Sasori-danna gives Kisame a quick and desperate glance. Kisame's eyes get a sad glow to them, before dropping to the ground, and then coming back to meet mine, eyes stoic. I look back to my danna, then to Kisame, before finally nodding.

"He expects you at his office right away," Kisame mutters, then walks away, quickly.

"What was that abo-" I'm silenced by Sasori-danna's sweet lips on my own. I moan into his mouth as his tongue forces its way into mine, pulling what air was in my lungs out. My hand curls into the front of his cloak, grabbing on out of happiness and confusion.

When he pulls back he puts a finger to my lips, which I kiss as he speaks, "Whatever happens, don't show him a reaction to what he does. Please, just suppress your emotions. It might save you some pain."

Pain? Wait, why would I be in pain? And why is my danna begging? My danna has never begged before, like this, with this intensity.

"I won't, un," I take his hand, "don't worry, I won't."

He places a shaky hand on either side of my face and kisses my forehead. He gently brushes his thumbs over my cheeks and keeps his lips pressed to my forehead for a long time. I raise my hands to cover his, but he soon backs off and motions for me to go.

Reluctantly I comply, turning away from food and towards Sir Leader's room. I glance back to see Sasori-danna's back, his shoulders slumped in a defeated look. My mind reels with what could be the problem. Maybe my danna just is worried about how long this will take, with us not having eaten and all. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I know it can't be that, it's going to be much worse.

The halls down here seem so empty. After I pass Itachi and Kisame's room the halls are even worse because there seems to not even be life. Before I passed their hall the halls seemed to at least buzz with some sort of life force, but now everything seems dead, and silent. I step in front of the looming door that leads to Sir Leader's office, and further down the hall is his room. No one ever goes past this door without permission, and no one knows why until they get to this door. The sense of foreboding down there is just too much.

I tentatively knock at the door, and then step back. His voice is muffled, though unmistakable, through the door, "Enter."

I obey the order without question, fearing what would happen were I not to listen. When I step inside I can see the wide grin playing across his face.

"Well, Deidara, you seem to be doing well after your little run in with Orochimaru," he purrs.

"Yes, Sir, un," I bow.

"I'm guessing," he starts to approach in a way that reminds me of a cat stalking it's prey, "you've been told why the snake left? I mean, you are partners with Sasori, and he used to be partners with Orochimaru."

I look up questioningly, "Well yes, Sir, un. Sasori," I swallow the normal 'danna' I tag on, "has told me what happened just before Orochimaru left, un."

"You took good care of our Sasori, didn't you, Deidara?" I don't like the way he keeps saying my name. It's the same way my parents would say my name before punishing me.

"Yes," I answer, my voice unconcerned.

His hand reaches up and roughly grabs my chin, making me look into his piercing eyes, "Are you a virgin, Deidara?"

"N-no, un," I stutter from the uncomfortable position.

"Mmm…" he seems disappointed in what he sees in my eyes and roughly throws my head to the side, letting go, "Pity." He then grins again, and when I don't answer the sudden change, he pulls me against him with one hand, effortlessly. He keeps one hand on mine, pinning my arm to my back and then takes my chin again, licking it, "Don't be afraid, Deidara."

Afraid? Damn! I thought I had been hiding my emotions, "I'm always anxious the first time with someone I don't know, un."

"You know me, Deidara," he gives a mock disappointed pout.

"Not like this, un," I point out.

He grins, the thought exciting him, all the evidence I need of such pressing into my hips. I force my body to not show arousal in any way as his hand travels from my chin to my groin, grasping and squeezing. My mind inwardly cries out, screaming and groaning.

"Have you ever been touched by a male, Deidara?" he questions, put off by my lack of reaction.

"I have, un," my voice couldn't be more empty as my mind screams for this to stop.

He quickly sheds our shirts, and I don't register most of the movement when he does so. My cloak is torn in the process, but I have others. He then roughly pushes me onto his desk, and his mouth dives to my chest. He kisses and licks my skin, but my face still remains empty.

His mouth finds my nipple, and his teeth clamp down, breaking skin, drawing blood. Again, my face remains frozen as I inwardly start to scream and yell and cry, all from rage and arousal. A twitch in my groin brings a wide smirk to his face, though my face still remains empty. After so many years of the same treatment as this from my parents, from my family, I can control what people see in my eyes and in my face. I can fool them, but never myself.

I feel his mouth travel up to mine, leaving a trail of bruises in it's wake. When his mouth covers mine I inwardly cringe at the taste of my own blood. I wince as his hand comes up and his fingers roughly play with my bleeding, sensitive flesh. My body only reacts by hardening, in every sense of the word.

When he suddenly tears my pants off, shredding the fabric into little strips, I bite my tongue to stop myself from crying out, cool air hitting my heated flesh. The cool air is quickly replaced by another cloth-less groin, his hardened length scraping against mine.

Sir Leader leans down, hot breath panting over my ear, "If you beg I'll use some oil, spare you some pain. Or we can go without. Your choice."

I don't answer, not even daring to open my mouth from the fear that I will scream if I do.

"Last chance," he purrs. There's a pause, and then he growls, "Fine."

I feel myself tear as he forces himself into me and inwardly tears fill my eyes, but I do not let them be seen. I can not show him emotion. I wish only for my danna as Sir Leader's body grinds into mine, forces itself into mine. He takes his time, biting at my neck and chest. I suppress a moan, and then force myself into an orgasm, wishing only for blissful ignorance of his actions.

As the lightheadedness wears off I'm suddenly aware my knees and lower legs are pressed to cold stone. I look up from my kneeling position to see Sir Leader holding me up by a chunk of my hair that slowly starts to hurt.

"You're no fun," he glares, "but I have one way you can still pleasure me."

He holds my cheeks and presses into my jaw, the only way to gain relief being to open my mouth, so I do. I close my eyes and then open them with renewed emptiness as he forces his way into my mouth, gagging me. I force my reflexes down, but the harder he pounds the deeper he goes. It doesn't take too long for him to climax, spilling seed into my throat to mix with my own vomit. I know better than to try and spit it out, so I swallow.

After a few blissful moments after he pulls out of me, I have my forehead pressed to the cool stone floor, and there is silence. The stillness and peace is broken when the hand that was in my hair returns, tightening its grip painfully, and still I manage to keep my emotions in check.

"You're a worthless little toy, Deidara," he pulls me up to face him, and I manage to stand on shaky legs, "it wasn't even worth it to try you out once. You're lucky your abilities are unique." He takes the gloves that he had let me keep on my hands roughly off, "Though you wouldn't be much without these, now, would you? You freak."

He seems to stop and think for a second, before he grins once more and pulls out a knife from his desk. He holds my right hand first, my left pinned between us as he leans in and forces me to watch as he cuts my hand, from the end of each of my fingers and my thumb over my hand-mouth and to my wrist, stopping before he hits any veins. In a way I wish he had. He then switches hands, and just cuts more violently and randomly across my left hand, making sure to cause as much damage as possible.

He throws the knife on the desk behind me and leans in to whisper my ear, "Now we'll see how you do on your next mission. You will make it a success, I know you will, otherwise I might just forget why you're useful, Deidara, and you wouldn't want that." He proceeds to drag me to the door, throwing me out and forcing me to land on my hands. I feel tears sting my eyes, but I don't move until I know he's closed the door, and can't see me.

I stumble to my feet and use the wall for support to try and get out of here, trying to get back to my room as quick as I can, not caring what I look like and only wanting my Sasori-danna. I make it one and a half halls before my stomach flips and I drop to my knees, emptying my stomach. Knowing I can't stop here I stumble down a few more halls into familiar territory. This hall is the one with Kisame's and Itachi's room. I manage to get in front of their door, but black out before I can lift my hand to knock.

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a/n: please review... and don't kill me! runs away from angry mob 


	13. Chapter 13

a/n: I know this was a long wait for only a little, but I'm out of town right now and have very little time to type. I promise that updates, though they may not happen more frequently, shall be better typed and I hope longer when I return. Until then, enjoy.

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

* * *

DEIDARA POV

Voices. Familiar voices around me. My shinobi instincts, if nothing else, allow me to open my eyes to a hazy world. I see black and red, three big forms of all black and red, then a small bit of blue. Hands, warm hands on my chest and shoulder. I'm so cold. I feel the cold stone suck any heat out of my body into it. It doesn't need my heat.

Suddenly warmth envelops me, a black and red warmth. A sense of peace runs through me as the unfocused blue blur suddenly grows closer and sharpens. Blue skin. Kisame.

The shark man is leaning over me, joined by another, one with red eyes, Itachi. I also see some green in the back. Zetsu? I try to voice the question but I can't even move my lips to part them a little. I moan and I see them look down at me, or I think they do. Itachi leans down and lifts me, and I cling to him, the sudden movement screwing with my senses and sending fear through my mind. The normally angered and hate filled Uchiha doesn't oppose to my clinging, not that I can tell at least, so I continue doing so until another wave of darkness takes me.

What only feels like a few seconds later, I open my eyes to an unfamiliar room. Again there are voices, but this time one stands out from the others. I hear my Sasori-danna. I can hear him! I try to turn towards his voice and fail, but then he moves to hover over me.

I know inwardly that I am smiling up at him, but I can't tell if I am doing so otherwise. I try to make my body smile, and live in blissful ignorance to if I succeed. I see my danna's lips move, I can tell that he is talking to me, but the words are distant and blurred, as if I am swimming underwater and he were on the land yelling to me. I just can't understand.

I'm sorry, Sasori-danna. A comforting white settles over my eyes.

For the third time in what seems like minutes, though it has to have been a few hours at least, I open my eyes. This time I recognize the room. It's my room. I'm in my bed.

I smile, and this time I know it reaches my lips.

I try for talking too, and my voice doesn't sound like mine anymore, as if I've been screaming, but that's not it, not that I know of, "Sasori-danna? Are you here, un?"

I feel a hand on my forehead, brushing some of my bangs away from my good eye, "I'm here." I feel something cool against my lips, "Here, drink some water, you'll feel better."

I open my mouth and some refreshing liquid spills down my throat, slowly, carefully. When the water stops I try to sit up, but I'm instantly taken over by an overwhelming pain, forcing me to remember what Sir Leader did, and sending all plans of sitting up into the dumpster.

"I can get a healer to come by later," Sasori-danna starts, "until then don't sit up."

"I'm fine, Sasori-danna, really, un," I insist, "I don't need a healer, not for that at least, un, I'm used to it."

My danna started running his fingers through my hair while I had been speaking, but now he stops, "Deidara… why didn't you tell me to st-"

"I didn't mean you, un," I quickly interrupt, "I meant my family. I told you before that they used rape as a punishment, un. They used to call me a freak, un, and make up excuses to punish me, almost every day."

He kisses my forehead, "You're not a freak."

"Yeah, I am, un," I look down to my hands, that I now realize are bandaged.

My danna catches my attention by kissing my lips, "Not to me."

I don't bother correcting him again since he backed me into a corner. Besides, I don't want to fight. I look down to my hands instead.

Sensing the change in subject Sasori-danna answers my unasked question, "Zetsu found you. He was reporting back from Sir Leader's office. Apparently he has this special entrance or something, so he didn't see you on his way over. You were in bad shape, and just outside Kisame's and Itachi's room so he knocked on their door, waking them up. Kisame wrapped you in his cloak, but Itachi picked you up, since Kisame went to go get me. Zetsu had to go on a mission, so he left as well. Itachi said you tried to hold onto him, despite a lot of pain. He said your hands were bleeding. He bandaged them up tight so you wouldn't reopen the wounds in your sleep. He said not to change the bandages until you woke up. I haven't seen your hands yet."

"Sir Leader didn't like what you told me to do, un," I mumble.

"What?"

"I did just what you said, danna, I supressed my emotions and didn't let him see the effects he was having on me. He called me useless, or something like that, un, and cut up my hands. He said that despite the injuries my next mission has to be a success or I'm dead, un."

"And it will be."

"You don't know that, un."

"I know you."

"I'm worthless, I'm nothing without my hands, un."

"You're my everything, Deidara, hands or no hands."

He pulls me closer to him and into a deep kiss. I start to shake in his arms, feeling safe and secure enough to let go of my careful mask. What I have been through would warrant most shinobi the right to cry. But not me. I've been through it before, and I know what the world is like. I can not cry. He kisses me deep enough to suck the air out of my lungs, his tongue traveling through my entire mouth and still not stopping. When my lungs blur and my vision starts to blur again I pull back, just enough.

"Danna?" by now even my voice is shaking.

"Yeah, Deidara?" he rubs my lower arms gently.

"I'm sick of being a shinobi, un," I whimper.

"What do you mean?"

"They tell us what we can and can't be as a shinobi. People tell us what we can and can't be, un. People that died so many years ago shouldn't have that rule over us, danna."

"But Deidara, it's our choice to become what we are."

"No, danna, it's our choice to be fighters, un, but they're the ones that tell us to be emotionless tools. I'm sick of being a shinobi, just an extension of someone else, un."

"Deidara…"

"If just for an hour, every once in a while, we could be like normal people, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, un," I finally cave and curl up on my side, hugging my legs tightly to my chest.

I feel myself on the verge of tears before my danna speaks up, "I can't promise you to open up for an hour, Deidara, I understand that I'm too far gone to completely open to you… but as long as you need me, Deidara," he kisses my cheek, his lips continuing to hover there, "I'll manage to spare it."

"Sasori-danna?" I whisper.

"What, Deidara?" his voice holds an edge of concern, and yet remains quite cool, almost indifferent, as it has through this all.

"Can I have my first hour now, un?"

"Deidara…" he pulls me into his arms, "I think you've earned more than an hour."

At his gentle words I feel my eyes sting with tears. I try to hold them back, but I blink and one escapes, and then the floodgate opens. I grasp onto his cloak tightly, burying my hands in the fabric. He pulls me into a sitting position, into his lap so the pressure is on my thighs. I nuzzle into his neck and he strokes my hair, letting my tears run down his back to soak into his cloak. He pulls back enough to kiss my forehead, before resting his chin in my hair and holding me, letting me get this out of my system.

Okay, so I might need maybe an hour today, and then be good for a long time. It's not actually needing an hour every day or so, it's knowing that the offer is out there, and knowing that Sasori-danna knows the hour is out there. I'd be willing to help him, especially after all these times that he's helped me with my problems. I could give him the hour if he needs it, though something tells me he wouldn't use a whole hour… maybe just fifteen minutes. Or maybe I'm just trying to kid myself and he won't use it at all.

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a/n: please review 


	14. Chapter 14

a/n: wow, sorry this wasn't updated as early as I normally update. I kinda had homecoming for my school yesterday, and it was totally awesome and all, but I went to my date's football game first and then I went home and spent the rest of the day getting ready. I would have had the chapter up sooner if it hadn't been for that. so here's the chapter!

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

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DEIDARA POV

I bite my tongue with pain until I taste copper in my mouth. I look up and away from my hands as my danna pours alcohol over the wounds. I feel tears burn my eyes but manage to keep the tears at bay.

Itachi, who has come to oversee the caring of my hands, gives me a scrutinizing glare before turning to Sasori-danna, "That's enough."

The pain stops with only slight throbs left over, and I lay back, my hands feeling as if I had put them in a fire and forgotten to take them out. The sharingan master takes my hands now, none too gently, and pries open my fingers, poking and prodding at the flesh they had just been protecting.

"Man," I hiss, continuing with as much sarcasm as possible, "you sure are gentle, un."

He shoots me a menacing glare, "You want me to help or not?" But, despite the cold comment, his actions do become gentler, though minutely so.

"Thanks, un," I pant out.

I only receive a "hn" but I wasn't expecting much any ways.

"Tell me if and when this becomes unbearable. Only then," he takes my hand, and I dread what he's about to do.

Itachi proceeds to press down on the cuts, one at a time. He starts far off towards my fingers, and while it stings, it doesn't really hurt too badly. Actually, while he stays away from my hand-mouths, the pain is quite bearable. He starts straying closer to my hand-mouths, which have remained closed ever since Sir Leader's attack, granted that was only a couple of days ago. At lunch today while in the room Sasori noticed I couldn't pick things up still, so he tracked down Itachi after we ate and brought him here. Apparently Itachi knows what he's doing, but I still don't trust that the pain is growing as he comes closer to the sensitive openings.

He touches a cut right on top of my hand-mouth and I can't stop the scream that tears from my throat. He pulls back, dropping my hand, and Sasori-danna gently takes my head in his arms, wrapping his arms under my chin, my cheek to his chest. I whimper and lean further into his embrace. My Sasori-danna glares Itachi, who matches the glare.

I sense the rising tension and cut in, "Why did that hurt so much, un?"

Itachi turns to me, shaking away the completely cold look to his normal stoic one, "Sir Leader seems to have dug in deepest around your mouth things. I wouldn't advise trying to pick anything up for a couple of days, and don't open those things for a week or so. Let your hands heal properly, don't push it."

I sigh, but nod, then my danna speaks up, "You knew that before you started pushing around on his wounds, didn't you?"

"It was my theory, yes," Itachi answers smoothly.

"You knew it and you still hurt him. Some sick, sadistic pleasure perhaps?"

Itachi stands from his kneeling position to tower over us both, "Don't you dare question my motives, Sasori. Especially when it was you that asked me to help."

I gently lean against Sasori-danna as the pain wears off and exhaustion sets in. A knock on the bedroom door wakes me up well enough, and the door opening turns all but one's attention to the bedroom entrance. Itachi continues looking at my hands as he starts to bandage them once more.

"Hi Kisame," Itachi mutters, annoyance leaking into his voice.

"Playing doctor, Itachi?" Kisame asks smugly.

"Just finishing," Itachi growls.

Kisame grins and kneels at Itachi's side. First thing Itachi finishes with my hands Kisame takes the Uchiha into his arms and kisses his neck. Itachi struggles out of Kisame's arms enough that he is satisfied, Kisame's hands still barely hanging on to the Uchiha's arms.

"No use hiding it, un," I look down at Itachi, "if no one else knows about you two Sasori-danna and I sure do."

Itachi scowls and turns to Kisame, managing, "Let go o–" before Kisame catches his lips in a kiss. At first Itachi struggles against the shark man's grasp, before giving in and closing his eyes, Kisame's hand on the back of his neck. Itachi completely gives in, moaning and all, when Kisame starts nipping at his partner's lower lip, breaking skin, causing Itachi to jump. Kisame just starts lapping up the liquid like a kitten with cream.

My danna kisses the back of my neck as the two pull back from each other, Itachi glaring daggers at the older man. Kisame just laughs, and even when the laughter dies, a content look crosses his face.

"You know Itachi," I grin, "for putting on such a show now, you sure seemed to enjoy it, un."

His glare turns to me, then he looks to the side, huffing.

Kisame's eyes go down in mock pain, "Are you really that ashamed of me, Itachi?"

In the long silence that follows I see the pain start to turn real in Kisame's eyes until Itachi finally answers, "I'm not ashamed of you…" There's another pause as Itachi stands, then stops, "I'm ashamed of myself." With that said, he makes for the door.

A confused look crosses Kisame's face before he turns his head to the side, "Itachi…" then he turns his upper body to face Itachi, "wait!"

Itachi acts as if he didn't hear Kisame, walking straight into the main room. Kisame is quick to jump up and go after him, managing to get two steps out of the door when Itachi stops in the middle of the room. Kisame stops as well, not wanting to approach and anger the sharingan master further.

"Shinobi law states that we are to never show emotion. That is the first lesson you are taught when you become an ANBU member. Never show emotion, it makes one weak in battle," Itachi turns fiercely towards Kisame as Sasori-danna and I crowd into the bathroom doorway. "My life is meant to end in the hands of a true shinobi, one that is emotionless and strong. I will not allow myself to be weak, not then, not now. I will make my brother work to kill me. If that means being an emotionless tool to Sir Leader until then, so be it."

"Just because some stupid rule tells us we have to be emotionless to be strong doesn't mean it's true, Itachi," Kisame growls.

"I'll do my best to see that it's true," Itachi states.

"Emotions-"

"Are a weakness. Look where they get you! Deidara is a prime example of a victim of emotion. He charged into a battle with anger and was taken out in seconds. I'm waiting for my brother to surpass that stage, to come to the point where his hate is enough that he will lose all care and become a killer, a tool, and nothing else. That is when he will be strong enough to kill me."

I'm about to cut in when Kisame does instead, "I won't let that happen to us. I won't let us be hurt because of our emotions. Your brother may be weak enough to have to rid himself of his emotions, but that's not you, Itachi."

"You can't guarantee our emotions won't get in the way."

"Well at least I'm willing to try. At least I'm willing to do something!"

Itachi makes a move for the door and Kisame growls, turning away, "Go ahead, Itachi. Leave. That will sure as hell show me where I stand in all of this. So your future is nothing more than dying in your brothers arms, eh? Well I say that's a total waste of life. But it's not my decision, is it Itachi? It's not my choice what you do with your life, even if it's just to throw your life away. Go ahead, leave, I know you want to. Just know that I will from then on stop being your partner, in all senses of that word."

There's a long, drawn out pause while Itachi seems to let that information sink in, a pause that I fear will last forever before Itachi turns to Kisame, "I'd never be able to replace you in battle. You're the only one I trust at my back." Another pause in which neither of them move. I start to fear that no one's going to talk again when Itachi continues, "And no matter how much I try to kid myself, I know I would never forget you. I might be able to replace you in the field, get a new… partner… damn it… lover… I might be able to get a new… lover… but I'd never forget you. You kiss too damn well."

Kisame grins, sadly, and turns, "You're just saying that to get me to kiss you."

"Did it work?" Itachi smirks.

Kisame carefully approaches Itachi and kisses the younger man quickly, but Itachi seems to have other things in mind. He pulls the shark down to his lips and holds him there, drawing out the kiss and deepening it as well. He pulls Kisame down so much that Kisame's back bends at an odd angle to the point where Kisame picks Itachi up a little off the floor, pushing him against the nearest wall, right between Sasori-danna's bed and the bathroom doorway that we're still huddled in.

I turn away in respect, just to meet my danna's soft lips with my own. I jump slightly, but then settle in to the kiss and my danna's arms. Our kiss is much shorter, but just as meaningful.

"What was that for, un?" I smile.

"I need a reason?" my danna pulls a look of innocence.

I shake my head, "I guess not, un."

Kisame moans, bringing our eyes back to the couple as Kisame nuzzles into Itachi's neck.

Itachi looks up at Kisame, his eye level still slightly lower, even in his elevated state, "Keep this between the four of us." Not a question, not a statement. It's a demand. For all of us.

My danna and I nod as Kisame sighs, "Sure Itachi."

Itachi nods as well, knowing that it will stay within the four of us, or someone will pay. He turns to Sasori-danna and I, "Don't stress those hands."

I lower my head as danna answers for me, "He won't."

I watch Kisame and Itachi leave with simple good byes… though that's saying very little in Itachi's defense, because simple for him is just to leave. When they leave the room I instantly flop down on my bed. My hands hurt, I'm tired, and I'm not aloud to really do much of anything for a week. Or so. I can't make my art for a week! I groan into my pillow and shut my eyes, ignoring the fact that it's too early for dinner, let alone go to sleep for the night, and trying to sleep any ways. Maybe I can sleep for the whole week.

I feel my danna's hands on my shoulders and I turn my head to it is smothered by my pillow. The hands on my shoulders start to massage my neck and back. I moan and stretch before letting my danna continue.

"You're spoiled," he comments.

"I know, un," I cuddle further into my pillow, and then turn my head to the side.

"Hey," I feel his lips at the back of my neck, "don't feel so bad. You'll be okay."

"I can't you my hands, danna, un!" I whine.

He kisses my cheek, "It's only a week."

I whimper and turn so I can see him, "Not helping."

He kisses me on the lips, and I drag him down to me. He instantly takes my hands off of his neck, but he keeps kissing, so I wrap my arms around his neck. I smile against his lips and he pulls back, his kisses trailing down to my shirt.

I smile and moan, urging him to come back up to face me with my arms coaxing the back of his neck. He comes back to me and when his hand comes up by my cheek I kiss his pointer finger and then lick his finger. I move to kiss his neck next.

His head goes back and I smile, "I guess I can still do some things, un."

"You will always be able to remind me why I fell in love with you," he kisses my earlobe, then sucks on it.

I stifle a yawn and he runs his fingers through my hair, "Go to sleep, Deidara, I'll bring some dinner back later."

I don't want to, but I agree that I do feel tired. I close my eyes and let myself surrender to my dreams. Who knows where all of this could lead?

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a/n: please review 


	15. Chapter 15

a/n: sorry this took so long, but by popular demand (and the need (I feel) for a little shaking up of things in this story) I'm writing a brand new chapter 15 and 16 as sort of like filler chapters. I promise that they will be the only fillers (unless you all really want some more) so there's no worrying, the SasoDei-ness will resume shortly, but for now, you get these this!

**yes, I do need a warning on this chapter. Good lemon and stuffs (mostly language).**

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine!!! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

enjoy

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ITACHI POV

We leave the room and instantly Kisame is at my back and holding me. I shake out of his arms and glare at him. He just smiles, showing off his exceptionally sharp teeth.

"What did we just agree on?" I growl.

"There's no one here, Itachi," he shrugs, "there's no one to see us." He pulls me against him and smiles, diving for my mouth once more, reopening the cut on my lip.

When he pulls back I touch my lip, coming away with blood, "You keep this up and people will think I'm careless."

"Or that you like it rough."

I glare at him again and he laughs, "C'mon Itachi, you know I'm just joking."

"Sure you are," I turn and start back to our room.

He catches up to me with ease, walking with no room between us, his hands traveling over me and his lips at my neck, which means that he has to be paying more attention to me then the hall, which means he doesn't notice the two people approaching us quickly.

"Damn it, Kakuzu, leave me the fuck alone," I hear the one growl, probably Hidan, whom Kisame doesn't seem to notice. I push Kisame into the wall just as Hidan comes around the corner.

"You know Sir Leader won't let us go out alone, ass hole," Kakuzu growls, "So that means if I want to collect my money you have to come too."

"No fucking way," Hidan scowls. "It was bad enough that I had to watch you torture him," he turns on Kakuzu, "there is no way you are dragging me out, just to make me carry the rotting corpse of some guy you tortured. Not to mention having me completely throw my religion to the wind just so you have an easier time collecting some more cash for yourself."

"Come on, Hidan, if I promise you that you won't have to carry the body will you come with me?" Kakuzu attempts.

"What do you think?"

"No."

"Exactly."

Then Hidan turns to see us, my hand at Kisame's throat and Kisame looking at the two like they're crazy.

"What?" Hidan snaps.

I shake my head, "Nothing," I let go of Kisame, "it seems we both just ran into each other at a bad time."

"Apparently," Kakuzu laughs.

"Fuck you," Hidan growls at his partner, apparently pissed at the sudden change in subject.

Kakuzu just grins. Despite not being able to see it I know he's grinning.

Hidan growls and roughs up his hair, showing that he is thoroughly frustrated since he loves to keep his hair slicked perfectly back, "Damn it, Kakuzu, that's not what I meant and you know it!"

Kakuzu tries to take Hidan's hand, but Hidan promptly pulls it back as Kakuzu sighs, "I knew, Hidan."

Hidan glowers, his violet eyes flaming, "You know I hate having to watch you do that."

Kakuzu nods, "I do. If you hate watching so bad you know you could just leave though. You could just go away."

"I wouldn't do that, you know it's against the rules," Hidan mumbles, crossing his arms but visibly calming.

"What rules?" Kakuzu shrugs.

"I'm not even going to start. Sir Leader would murder me," Hidan laughs, "not that he would succeed, but its such a bother."

Kakuzu takes the opportunity of Hidan being in a lighter mood to offer again, "So will you go?"

"Will you keep bothering me until I do?"

"Probably."

"Shit," Hidan whispers, then sighs, "Fine, I'll go."

Kakuzu just starts walking again in the direction they were originally headed, the direction Kisame and I just came from, "Coming Hidan?"

Despite a few more muttered curses Hidan does follow, the two walking side by side.

I turn to Kisame who is watching them go. He turns to me and meets my eyes. He winces.

"What did I do?" he asks.

"I thought we agreed that this would stay between the four of us," there's no need to say which four.

Kisame nods, "I did, and those two are none the wiser, so what did I do wrong?"

"That was a close miss, and you can not look me in the eyes and say sincerely you would have stopped before they turned that corner if I hadn't stopped you."

Kisame sighs, "You're right, I can't, but that doesn't matter, you stopped me, like I knew you would."

I open my mouth to snap at him and instantly all thoughts of scolding leave my mind as his lips cover mine, his tongue instantly digging deep into my mouth. I pull back and glare at him, but the glare just doesn't have the previous potency. He smiles and nuzzles into my neck, "Come on, Itachi, let's just stop arguing."

I can't find it in me to argue anymore, so I do as he says and drop the fight, letting my normal, stoic face leak out. He doesn't seem too pleased, but he is happier about this mood than the last. He tries to nuzzle my neck again, but I stop him, starting to walk to our room, only a short few feet from here, just around the corner.

Kisame follows wordlessly, knowing that he's won and not wanting to ruin it. First thing I push the door open he throws us both in, slamming the door and pushing me against the wall. His hands travel searchingly over my body, his mouth covering mine before moving down slowly to my neck. I moan as his teeth graze the skin just above the necklace I wear. He smiles against the skin there before gently nipping. No matter how gentle, he breaks skin, and I feel his tongue trace over the bite mark, his face rising to bury itself in my neck.

"Itachi," he breathes out.

I moan against him, my hand traveling up to his gills, which are quite realistic in the sense that they really do allow him to breathe under water if he wanted. He doesn't rely heavily on them, since they don't always work perfectly if he hasn't tried using them for a while, but he does seem to have one thing that he likes to use them for. I slide one finger up and into the furthest back slit on his right side. He moans as my finger brushes the rough, protective layer of skin inside. He has always had this kink, as long as I've known him.

He moans this time, allowing me better access by backing up and resting his left cheek on my chest. A low, feral, yet aroused growl rumbles in his chest, and he almost seems to be purring like a kitten. I smile, my right hand gently moving to caress his forehead, then to settle in his hair. He's the only one that sees this side of me anymore, the only one I've ever cared about since Sasuke. When I eliminated Shisui, my friend, from the picture I had Sasuke. When I left there and came here I found Kisame. No matter how much I won't admit it, a part of me needs someone to care for, if only for a few moments to care for another everyday, to tell myself I'm not immortal, that I'm not a god, that I'm just a shinobi, just a tool.

He understands. Kisame always seems to understand. He doesn't ask if I love him, he knows that I don't. He knows that I will never be able to devote my heart to him, and he's okay with that. He knows that I care about him, and that's enough for him. That's always been enough for all of them.

I pull my finger out of his gill and let him travel with his tongue and teeth back up from my chest, his hands gently parting my cloak. That's something else that we share, his gentle touch. He isn't gentle with anyone else, for the longest time I wasn't even sure if he knew how to be gentle. He's gentle with me, though, like a child afraid to break a toy, or a friend afraid to play too hard, but none of those analogies work with us. We're just an exception, this is just an exception.

He kisses my lips and whispers, "You think too hard, Itachi."

When I reply I notice both our voices are rough, "How so?"

"You're thinking at a time like this," he purrs out, that low growl starting again as he claims my lips. He's the only one that could ever claim me.

I smile against his lips, but spin him around, him now pinned against the wall. He doesn't seem to mind as his lips open wider to allow me better entrance. I push harder against him, kissing even more deeply, pinning his hands on either side of his face. He again doesn't seem to mind, so I hold them there in a bruising grip until he mellows out, both of us catching our breaths.

My hands start to let go when he relaxes, no longer showing any resistance. He smiles, letting me trace my hands under his cloak, tracing his skin through his mesh shirt. He makes a delicious sound that is a mix between a moan and a whimper. I push the cloak off his shoulders, dropping it to the ground as he pushes off the wall, shrugging it off the rest of the way. He smiles, extending me the same courtesy. I let my hands travel to his hair as he starts to lift my mesh shirt and the other shirt I wear over it at the same time, his hands ghosting over my chest.

I lift my hands so he can shed the layers with ease, and he does so, tossing them immediately aside. His mouth dives like a shark toward my chest, kissing and biting his way over the span of my skin, until he reaches the top of my pants and looks up at me expectantly.

I nod to him and he hooks his fingers in the top of my pants, shedding them to the floor. I gasp, my hand straying to his as he gently kisses the skin on my inner thigh. He smiles against the skin and then moves to stand again in front of me. His pants are shed quickly as well.

He pushes me back against the bed with a whisper, "I love you."

I don't know how to respond, he's never really said that to me before. I'm about to try to say something, anything, when he stops me, "You don't have to love me back, just know that I love you, Itachi, that's enough for me."

I smirk, "After all that hell you just put me through you'll settle for less than love."

"With you?" he smiles, "I'll take anything I can get."

I sigh, "I never understand it."

"What?" he tilts his head, straddling my hips with his knees so we don't accidentally do anything more until we're done talking.

"You're way of seeing thing," he shrug, "you're more complicated than any jutsu I've ever tried to master."

He smiles at me, showing off his teeth, "I'll take that as a compliment."

"I don't know what that is," I'm about to sigh again when his hips start lowering, his length pressing into mine. I gasp at the contact and clench my teeth together to keep anything else from happening. Apparently he wants the conversation to drop, so it does. I moan as he lowers himself completely on top of me, almost a crushing force. His face buries itself in the hair at the nape of my neck, his nose nudging my head to one side so he can get better access.

I let my mouth slide open wordlessly moaning as his tongue flicks over the sensitive skin. He smiles against my skin, his hand sliding up over my stomach. He pushes himself up and over me, so his face is inches from mine. He looks amazing.

A bead of sweat falls from his brow onto mine, though we haven't really done all that much. He smiles and licks it off my nose. I catch his lips before he can completely back off in a bruising kiss. He smiles against my lips and lets me take the initiative, rocking his hips into mine.

He backs away and places himself at my entrance. There are no words of comfort, there are no niceties, him and I both push the borders between pain and pleasure, and we like it that way. He enters me with little warning, thrusting inside of me. My hands clench at his arms, leaving deep scratches, but nothing a cloak couldn't cover up. I watch blood bead and pool around the cuts before the first little bit escapes. I wipe the drop away before he thrusts again.

By now his breathing is ragged, his face in my neck and his breath on my shoulder. He moves more towards my arm and then clamps down with his teeth, finding his pace shortly after that. I don't mind the bite, I've had plenty of those in the past. Heal them the correct way and they don't even scar.

He lets go just as we both are about to reach our limits, his lips firmly pressed to my skin. My hands circle to his back, holding me tighter to him as his last hard thrusts meet me. I gasp as he tumbles over the edge and I follow him shortly after. I don't let go of him as fatigue sets in, nor does he let go of me. We both bask in these moments when all else is forgotten because they are so rare. I close my eyes as he gently rolls onto his side, moving my arm to his chest so he doesn't lie on top of it. I let that hand smooth across his chest, the other doing the same on his back, as he holds me close. If anyone else knew we did these things they would think me weak. I'm not weak, I'm a ninja, and I'm human, and these moments are constant reminders of that fact.

Eventually we have to stand, to get up, to move and to continue life. We won't lose ourselves again for a long time, but it's worth the wait. For the rest of the day we can steal glances that are only meant for the other. For the rest of the day, we're human.

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a/n: so what did you think? 


	16. Chapter 16

a/n: sorry this is so late. Two days ago my computer wouldn't let me use the internet and then yesterday this site just wouldn't load on my comp... it's weird... but here I am with part two of two in the filler chapters. I'm already working at the next chapter, so it should be up soon!

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

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HIDAN POV

"Will you keep bothering me until I do?"

"Probably."

"Shit," I whisper, then sigh, "Fine, I'll go."

Kakuzu just starts walking again in the direction we were originally headed, "Coming Hidan?"

I curse him to Hell and back under my breath, but despite all that, I follow him. He's my partner, and no matter how much I hate him, I have no choice, there's no one else he can be paired up with. Or at least that's what Sir Leader tells me, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

"Damn it," I growl, "Why the hell do you have to do this all the time?"

"Do what?" he turns to me nonchalantly, and he knows it pisses me off.

"Why do you always have to drag me out to these disgusting places with rotting corpses strewn all over the place?" I cringe at the thought. I know most of they were tortured. Taking me there is blasphemous, and he knows it.

"Why the hell do you always have to tag along and complain? It's not like _I'm_ going to be telling on you to Sir Leader any time soon," he shoots me a glare.

"All I know is that if I don't go with you if you get mad you end up killing everyone in your path, and that's a shit load of a mess for akatsuki to have to clean up," I put my hands behind my head and lean back uncaringly.

"I don't do that all the time," he glances at me, "and when it does happen you know I have more control than that… I don't kill everyone."

"Damn close," I smirk.

He moves so fast I don't even have time to react before I'm slammed into the wall, his hands at my throat and chest, crushing me. I choke out a gasp as his face closes in on mine, "Don't start with me, Hidan."

He drops his hands, pushing before he pulls back, and I can feel my windpipes instantly start to inflate, previously being crushed. I rub my throat and smile, laughing soundlessly. He growls and continues down the hall.

I follow him, my throat still not completely healed and my ribs knitting together from cracking. It's a slow process, but I'm used to my slow healing, I'm used to healing from everything.

Once we get to the entrance of the cave, and my injuries become a danger to us, he turns to me, "Can you fight?"

I shrug, still unable to speak. Of course I can fucking fight, I'm immortal, but why tell him that if it delays having to carry a bloody corpse if I just shrug.

"Can you fight or not, Hidan?" he growls.

I shrug, giving him a helpless look. He sighs and leans back against the wall of the cave. I grin inwardly. Another victory.

"How bad is it? Scale of one to ten," he rubs his eyes.

I hold up a seven on my hands. Of course, that means nothing, I really could be at a ten and killing a guy with no problem at all, but Kakuzu doesn't know that. We've only been partners a couple of weeks, and I know more about him than he knows about me, mostly from his last partner who talked to me a lot, wishing he was me.

He shakes his head, "Fine. Would you be better tonight?"

I reluctantly nod, then wince, my throat burning. I touch the equivalent of where the windpipe is and I understand now why my religion says that death should be swift and painless. Or as painless as possible. There is no such thing as a painless death.

He turns without another word, seeming very upset with me now, and I follow, of course wordlessly. I do feel my windpipe start to open more now, so I whisper after him, "You know, if you hadn't done this you would already be on your way with me carrying that shitty body you killed yesterday."

He glares at me, and turns, ready to strike again when he realizes that's a bad idea and turns back to our path to our room. Again, I grin inwardly, victorious. We get back to the room with little else said or done, just silent walking, our footsteps echoing through the halls. Halfway there I started fingering my rosary. I need to make another sacrifice soon, especially after watching Kakuzu torture that man yesterday.

Kakuzu opens the door, leaving me to close it, and I'm fine with that, he's in a mood. I'm sick of having to put up with him in these moods. I sit down on my bed, pulling out my bible and flipping to a page that I open so often it's almost breaking in half down the middle of the two pages. It's the prayer of faith. I constantly feel that my faith is in question now that I'm paired with Kakuzu. I used to have a partner that had complete understanding in my religion, and that complete understanding is actually what got him killed. We had gone to battle with the intention to kill swiftly, but against our enemy that was near impossible for him. I watched him get cut straight in half through the stomach, his two meaty halves sliding apart to fall limply to the ground. I had prayed a lot for him.

"Why do you always read that stupid book?" I hear Kakuzu growl.

Though my voice is still weak, I can talk normally, "It's not stupid, you bastard. How dare you question the holy book of Jashin?"

"Don't start with that preachy crap," Kakuzu groans.

"It's not crap," I growl out.

"But you won't deny that it's preachy?" he grins.

I glare at him, "It's not like I'm making you become part of the religion or anything."

"But you still agree that it's preachy?"

"Fuck off."

"Maybe I will."

I growl, "You know what I mean."

"I have been feeling quite on edge," and now I dread what I've started, as he stands and comes closer, stopping inches from my face, "maybe you could help calm me down."

"Do I really have a choice?"

He laughs loudly, his breath still reaching me through the mask. He backs off just a little and I can tell from the way his eyes glint with emotions only he could ever feel this way that this isn't over. No, this is just beginning.

His hand comes up to my throat, in a much softer mimic of the hold he had on me before. I try to back off, or at least pull away to get the bible out of harm's way, but I back into the wall behind my bed, and I'm trapped. He moves closer, one knee on the bed, his face back to mere inches from my own. I try to get away, duck away from his arm, fight off his grip, but it just grows tighter.

Squeezing out what little voice I can I manage to whisper out, "At least don't ruin my bible."

He heaves a sigh, but does as I ask, moving the bible off to a table near the bed, "I don't see why you care for that thing so much."

"It's my bible," I choke.

He nods, "Exactly, I don't get what's so important. Isn't it your belief that's supposed to count?"

I growl out, "You'll never understand."

He loosens his grip on my throat, both knees on the bed now, completely straddling my legs. I manage to escape his grasp this time, but there's not much more I can do. I hate to admit it, but I'm not as strong as him. His hands grasp tightly onto the top of my arms, his face burying itself in my neck. I can feel through the thin fabric that he covers his mouth with his teeth grazing my skin. One of his hands leaves my arm just long enough to push the troublesome fabric away from his mouth.

I don't want to have to go through this again. Every time he gets antsy and bloodthirsty he takes it out on his partner. I'm the only one that's ever survived. I don't blame the others if they just wanted to die.

His mouth comes back to my neck and his teeth pierce above my jugular. I can feel my blood pulse out of my body and into his mouth, some escaping the corners of his lips to dribble down across my chest. The sticky warm substance pools at my stomach, and the fact that it can pool tells me that the wound on my neck is deep enough to kill a normal person. But I'm not a normal person.

He moves his mouth to my lips then, my own blood smearing over my lips and when he forces his tongue into my mouth I can taste the blood. I want to gag, to pull away, but there's no escaping. Those bright eyes that seem to pierce your soul glare at me as he pulls back. He's not really actually glaring at _me_ but more showing his victim their death in his eyes. He's lost himself to the carnage.

I fight to try and get away again, but he doesn't let me go, his grip on my arms enough to crush. I try one more time to escape and this time his grip tightens so much I can feel my right arm break, hear the bone shatter. I cry out and that only seems to make him want to kill me more. His eyes glaze over with the drive to kill me as he releases my arms. I fall limp against the wall, and pray that this is over soon.

His head comes down, his face pushing under my chin, his mouth tracing over my throat. If I didn't know better I would say he's being loving, but I do know better, and I know all kindness in him will eventually lead to pain.

I hear the slide of metal releasing from a hold, and it only takes seconds before I feel the kunai in my gut. I gasp, again feeling the blood start to pour from me. I know the sheets will be ruined, this is why I wanted him to move my bible while he was still partly in his right mind. The sheets don't matter though, Sir Leader understands what Kakuzu enjoys and has planned accordingly. Our room has twice as many changes of sheets as any other does, if not more.

I hear the metal clank on the other half of the room, no matter how dully I notice it, and realize that he's thrown the kunai out of the way. Glad to know this will end most of the carnage, he usually stabs a lot more. His now free hand comes up to the fresh wound and he feels around inside it, sticking his hand in until his wrist is inside me. I moan in pain and a strange sense of pleasure as he starts to grind his knee into my crotch.

It doesn't take long to realize that he's enjoying this way more than he should be, and I manage to moan out, "You ass hole," before he yanks his hand out, stained red now from my blood. I scream from the pain, and despite all my senses telling me to back away from him, I grasp onto him, holding onto his clothes for dear life as I yell in pain. It doesn't make much sense, but I know that this can't get much worse, so I embrace the knowledge of what is happening.

I watch his eyes start to shine through, with limited but still existing knowledge of what he's doing. He pulls me close, one arm around my back, the other around my waist, his face in my neck on the opposite side of the wound. This is strange, but I'm not complaining. The less I have to feel pain through this the better. My religion allows me to feel pain in a different way, but when I feel this raw sense of injury it doesn't feel right. It does hurt. It reminds me that I'm immortal, and will have to live with pain all eternity.

His breath was ragged on my neck, but now I start to feel mine even out as his does. I sag against his body, as if it were one giant support beam. My eyes start to droop from exhaustion, but before I can relax, he's already moving again.

His voice, husky and harsh, whispers into my ear, "Am I really as bad as you say, Hidan?"

I don't answer, I don't give him a reason to cause me more pain, but no answer seems to be answer enough. His legs move to straddle my hips, his hands on either side of my chest. I feel my shirt slick against my skin as the blood start to slide it around. When he moves to lift the shirt over my head, I can hear the sickening slurp of the blood trying to hold the shirt still.

The shirt disappears across the room, into some unknown corner. His hands travel over my chest, gentle, but not too gentle. They don't bring further injury to me, but they aren't anything close to painless when they draw close to my current wounds. I feel him pressing into the wound in my gut, and I can feel the blood start to flow with more force as he does this on the opposite side. I feel my head get airy from the blood loss, but he does seem to take notice, one of his string things from his arms coming down and sewing the wound up. He reaches up, his hand resting on the back of my neck as another of those things sews my neck up.

He then promptly begins to shed himself of his clothing, making quick work of his shirt and pants, and then making quick work of my pants as well. I gasp as he forces me down onto the bed, my back in a pool of my own blood. He seems to find this erotic, as he pulls the back of my neck so our lips meet in a violent kiss. The kisses between us never seem to be soft, they're always about his dominance, or the dominance that he can manage to claim over me. He bites, forces, hurts; he does everything he can to make me submit.

I grunt when one of his hands lands on the bed next to my side wound, the pressure of it leaning on my wound close to unbearable. I suppress the whimper that forms in my throat, knowing I'm stronger than that. He moves the hand away, his hand moving down to my entrance. He doesn't bother with any niceties, there are no niceties between us. He knows I can take the pain, and he likes causing the pain, so to him it's just a perk. His hand lifts my ass off the bed, and he positions himself just right before thrusting into me.

I cry out, overwhelmed by the pain and pleasure it causes. I feel my mouth gaping but can't seem to get myself to close it. He doesn't seem to care as he inches his way out just to thrust in again. I see a white light in front of my eyes, and pleasure courses through my veins. This is pain that I can enjoy.

He continues to hit that sweet spot inside me, and I continue to moan and writhe under him. He doesn't want to stop, either, or doesn't seem to want to as his thrusts come faster and harder by the minute. I lose track of everything as I tip over the edge into ecstasy that could only ever be greater in heaven.

When I come back to my own skin, when I feel the pain in my side that reminds me I'm alive I also start to feel the blood that has started to seep out of my side again. Kakuzu doesn't let it go for too long though, lazily patching up my side. I lull my head to look at him, bathed in blood and basking in his orgasm at my side. There's a content smile on his face, and I can't tell if it's his blood lust or sexual drive that has been sated. I don't really care though, either way it means the pain for me is over.

My eyes start to droop closed, and when I feel him move I'm afraid that the pain really hasn't ended. Instead of the pain that I expect to feel, though, I feel a hand on my cheek, the back of a hand running up and down my cheek. I have to open my eyes to tell I'm not dreaming the sensation, and I'm not. I open my eyes to Kakuzu brushing his hand across my cheek, showing me affection instead of distaste or hate.

"I know I'm not someone that people willingly are paired to," he mumbles to me, half lulled to sleep and completely lulled into a sense of safety by his climax, "but most people won't even look at me the way you do. You don't fear me. It's so hard to go through life being feared by everyone… why don't you fear me?"

I smirk to myself, thinking the answer: I do. Then I think about that. I really don't fear him. I don't know what I feel when I look at him, but it's not fear, "You can't kill me."

He laughs a little, a harsh laugh, "That's no reason to not fear people. Even the immortal fear something."

"I do," I nod, "but I only fear one thing, and that's God."

"You _are_ too religious for your own good."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Oh," I mumble, feeling stupid with the answer being so obvious. Normally I would fight with him, but I don't feel like fighting with his hand on my cheek feeling so nice.

"You asked a question, that mean I get to ask one?" I grin.

He shrugs, "I guess."

"Everyone hates me, but not you. I can tell you don't. Why don't you hate me?" It's true. Everyone I know seems to hate me.

He smirks, "Because, you put up with me trying to kill you, and you don't even care."

"I do care," I comment, "I just don't like to fight it anymore. People have always used me for my immortal abilities, so I've just become accustomed to it."

"That's sad, Hidan," he tilts his head, his eyes showing more emotion than I've ever seen in them before, "no one should ever have to get used to people using them."

"You act like you know from experience."

"I do."

I don't know what to say to that, so I just let him watch me now with sad eyes, his hand moving to gently brush against my arm. I feel my eyes start to close, and again he moves. This time I'm too lazy to open my eyes, so I jump when I feel his arms encircle me, holding me against his chest.

"What the hell are you doing?" I breathe out against his chest.

"Holding you, dumb ass, what did you think I was doing?" he grumbles back.

"I meant 'why are you doing it?'" I sneer.

He shrugs, "You don't want me to?"

I shake my head, "It's nice."

"Then stop complaining," and I do, taking an order without question for the first time in my life.

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a/n: let me know what you think, feedback is totally appreciated! 


	17. Chapter 17

I know this is a long awaited chapter for some of you, since the filler chapters are over, so you can now enjoy the simple pleasures of SasoDei, as some of you I know prefer.

And for the rest of you, do not worry, I'm planning some filler chapters later in the story, not maybe two in a row, but I have at least one in my head that's great... I hope.

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine!!! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

**another lemon warning**

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DEIDARA POV

A year since the strange day when Itachi finally admitted he likes Kisame. Not much has changed between the two, or Sasori-danna and I for that matter, though Itachi and Kisame are both more comfortable about showing affection, within the group of four we set up at least.

I curl against Sasori-danna's side as he reads a book he bought on the last mission. It was meant as cover, just two men on two separate benches, me watching the birds and him reading the book. We were really gathering information, but danna got sincerely interested in the book, and insists on finishing it. I find it silly that the book is actually interesting to him, but he wants to finish, so I don't interrupt.

Sasori-danna has also been adding to his puppet collection. Somewhere around 156, from the original 93 he had when I arrived, and climbing steadily. He also started these strange experiments in this room that Sir Leader has on high guard. No one seems to go in or out except my Sasori-danna. He's finding some way to control people with this poison that he's creating and other, more grotesque, methods. I only know what I'm told and apparently it's to send a spy into Orochimaru's ranks. He's becoming quite a thorn in the akatsuki's side, so we need a way to keep tabs on what he's doing, stay one step ahead. From what Sasori-danna has told me, authorized to say it or not, we have a serum, a poison, ready, just not a proper subject. We're off later today to look for one, and possibly take care of some errands on the side. I hope we don't take care of the errands, they sound boring.

I feel a hand in my hair as it absently brushes down some split ends, "What are you thinking about, Deidara? You have that serious face that I'd like to see more often."

"For your information, un," I sneer, "I was thinking about the project you've been working on."

"Oh?" my danna leans down and kisses my cheek.

"'Oh' what, un?" I look up.

He brushes some hair from in front of my mechanical eye, caressing the skin around it, "Just a little surprising."

"I worry about you, the way you work on it night and day, un."

"You're saying I can't handle it?"

"It's not good for you, Sasori-danna, and you know it, un."

"I'm a puppet, Deidara."

"You're my lover danna," I insist, anger leaking into my voice, "and whether you like it or not I worry about you un." We rarely use the word "lover" since it is normally for true couples, or for people that are married, so I can see he's thrown off.

The look in his eyes becomes gentler, "Stop worrying about me, Deidara."

"No matter how many times you say that, un, it's not gonna stop me, Sasori-danna."

"I know, Deidara, I know," he sighs.

I kiss him gently on the lips, "And stop using your puppet excuse, un! It's getting old."

"Only if you do something for me," he leans in as if about to tell me a secret.

"What, un?"

"Give me one of those kisses that reminds me of why I put up with your ridiculous requests," his lips are close enough to my ear that his breath tickles the inside.

I moan as he takes my earlobe into his mouth, sucking on it. My eyes flutter shut and pleasure spreads through me, warming me like a fire. Lick my lips and open my eyes as he pulls back.

I pounce at my danna, pinning his back to the bed as my lips cover his. My hands cover his as well, my right hand-mouth taking advantage of not being covered by a glove and pulling one of my danna's fingers into it. A pleased sound resonates in his throat and against my tongue and lips, sending a shiver down my spine. As my tongue works around his, my hand-mouth carefully sucks on his finger, causing my danna to writhe beneath me.

Both of my mouths back up, and as I look down at my danna I can see his eyes are clouded with lust. He blinks, his breath racing as he tries to control his body. He tries three to speak times before managing, "What… was that?"

I shrug, "Did it feel good, un?"

He nods, gasping, "Better than good."

I smirk, "Good." I nuzzle into his bare chest and pull my body against his. We both have started with a habit of not wearing shirts or our cloaks in our room. Most of the time it's just comfortable, now it's convenient.

I arch into his touch as his hand travels down my chest and stomach. When his hand reaches and cups my groin I gasp. He smiles, pleased with himself.

I cover the pulse in his neck with my mouth. He writhes with me on top of him and I just suck on the delicate skin, tasting his pulse. I trail kisses to the junction where flesh meets puppet and stop. He won't feel anything on his puppet half.

He flips me over easily, I don't fight. His hands pin mine, and I allow my left hand-mouth to do what the right one did earlier, this time to his other hand. He closes his eyes, arching his back and waste into the air. My right hand grabs his right hand, the one that my hand-mouth is playing with, and pulls it closer to my face so that when it's close enough I replace my hand-mouth with my actual mouth. I keep a hold of his wrist and take another one of his fingers into my mouth, my tongue playing across them. My left hand finds the groin of his pants and he bucks, his body wracking with an orgasm.

I smile, glad to see that I can cause my danna such pleasure. He stays still for a moment, and I hold him up with both my hands on his sides. I nuzzle into his right hand; it is still moist from my mouths, and gasp when he leans further over my erect groin.

His hands move to my stomach, tracing hot, wet lines over my abs and my chest. One hand strays to the side, grasping my nipple, earning a cry and a buck of the hips from me. When I buck, our groins touch, and I can tell he's preparing for another round. He smirks at my discovery, and takes my hands, leading them to the waistline of his pants. Taking the hint, I slowly peel away his remaining clothes. He gasps at the burst of fresh air, but manages to quickly return the favor, shedding me of my remaining clothing.

I moan as he spreads my legs, pushing them apart and leaning over, our groins pressed together. I writhe and create sweet friction, but he quickly moves his hips back so the contact is lost. I whimper, but he presses his lips to mine, choking out the sound. He deepens the kiss and searches around blindly with one hand for some lotion. When he finds none, and I know this by hearing the annoyed grunt it brings, he pulls back and places two fingers to my lips again. I gladly take them into my mouth and wet them as thoroughly as I can, taking in one more when it strays too close.

He pulls the fingers from my mouth eventually, and reluctantly, and instantly places one inside me. It feels odd, and slightly arousing, but mostly uncomfortable. I remain as calm as possible when he puts the second one in, stretching me, but it starts to hurt, yanking a whimper out of my throat. He kisses me and puts the third one in. That one really starts to hurt, reminding me of Sir Leader, and I whimper and completely cave, breaking the kiss.

"Saso… ri-dannna… it hurts… un!" I whimper out.

I bite my tongue as he puts his weight on one arm, stroking my hair and cheek, "We can … stop… you know?"

I shake my head, "I owe you… danna. I just… was remembering… something bad…. un."

"You owe me… nothing, Deidara," he kisses me again. I start to relax more, and he moves his fingers just a little, hitting something inside me that brings white lights into my eyes. That was new. I gasp and he stops moving, "Did I… hurt you?"

I shake my head, and he removes his fingers as I answer, "That felt… really good… un."

He smirks and positions himself at my entrance once more, balanced on both arms. He gives me a visual question, and I just nod, ready for anything now. He enters me, and I feel minimal pain. The original pain was mostly just nerves, and me not being relaxed. He sees my comfort and quickly starts to thrust. I reposition myself a little, and every time he starts hitting that one spot that feels so good. I can't even tell when I climax, just that he started grasping me at one point and that I spill over his hand, our stomachs, and a little onto my chest as he spills forth within me.

He pulls out of me and collapses at my side, dragging me over so my head rests on his chest. I wrap an arm limply around his waist as he runs his fingers through my hair, then starts to stroke my forehead. I put my lips on his shoulder and close my eyes.

"We should really go look for that candidate for my experiment," he mumbles.

"What makes that candidate so important, un?" I growl.

"We need him for spying on Orochimaru so we can beat him," he smiles.

"Sounds good, un. What makes a person a candidate, un?" I nuzzle further into his shoulder.

"Strong, loyal," he rattles off, "and they have to have AB blood."

"And if they aren't all of those, un?"

"We kill them."

Sounds easy enough.

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a/n: hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you think! 


	18. Chapter 18

a/n: oi! **hits head on desk multiple times** sorry I didn't update sooner but I hit that wall that all writer's hate: writer's block. I've been suffering from it for a little while but it's hit its all time worst! I really really am sorry this wasn't posted sooner and I'm working really hard to get through this writer's block. Until then, enjoy what I have here!

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine!!! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

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DEIDARA POV

Apparently finding a candidate for this experiment is harder than I thought. We have been searching for three days now with no results. We did run into a group yesterday with fifteen people, but no one with AB blood. I mean, fifteen people and no AB blood, that must be some kind of record.

I pull some clay out of my pouch and absently start molding it into some odd shape. My danna watches me, inside Hiruko as usual. I keep trying to get him to stop using that puppet, it's creepy, but he's becoming stubborn. Something tells me that that's my fault.

I let the clay figure drop out of my hand-mouth and into my palm where I animate it. It's a bird. I let it go flying over to danna, who tries to swat it away, but I land it on his head. I laugh and he glares at me, thoroughly annoyed.

"That's not funny," he grumbles.

"You're just cranky 'cause we didn't find a candidate for your experiment yet, un," I cross my arms over my chest, calling the bird back to me and replacing the clay in my pouch.

He frowns, "I am not, I'm just tired. You're not the one who's been using chakra all day."

"That's why I tell you not to use Hiruko, un."

"It's safest for me."

"It wears you out, un."

"And protects me."

"Do we always have to fight? Un!"

He smirks at me, then stops, turning just in time to see a shadow pull a weapon. Sasori-danna quickly counters the would be attack by throwing a kunai before the shadow can strike. The shadow moves, but it isn't quick enough. A young voice, only a child's, cries out and the shadow stumbles forward, into the light of the dying sun, to reveal the child. Silver hair matted and full of twigs and dead leaves meets us. I watch as the mess of hair raises to reveal glasses that cover onyx eyes.

He raises his hand and I ready my own weapon before his hand starts to glow a bright blue, almost the shade of Kisame's skin. I've seen the healer's back at akatsuki do that before. He runs his hand over the wound, wincing, and when he comes away, the wound it gone.

He pulls out a kunai and starts to charge at Sasori-danna when my danna easily stops him, grabbing the child's arm. The boy looks up at my danna, and the look is enough to make me flinch. His eyes seem to hold the simple look of bloodlust, something that would even bring Sir Leader to his knees. With that simple look I know this child has killed, and would not hesitate to kill us as well. This child doesn't even look like he's seven yet, but I know that he could kill me.

My danna lets out a light laugh, "I like you, kid."

That stops the boy, causing him to blink and loose some of the age in his face. He doesn't even look to be four.

"What do you mean?" the child asks.

"Just what I said. That look in your eyes… how old are you?" my danna lets him go. It's a risk, but all the kid does is drop his arm, his weapon forgotten in his hand.

"I'm six, but what does that matter? I've killed people ten times my age!" he yells, weapon back and ready to strike.

"I believe you. What blood type are you?" my Sasori-danna backs one step away, hands up in a show of peace, sizing the boy up with his eyes.

He shifts under the scrutinizing gaze, "I don't know."

"Are you looking for a job?" my danna asks.

The boy shakes his head.

"Looking for a place to sleep for the night, a roof over your head, un?" I speak up.

He looks up at that, then goes back to wary, "At what price?"

"Let me test your blood," my danna cuts in, "if you have the blood we're looking for I have a promising job that you could help with, and you'll be able to stay with us. If not, I can at least get you somewhere where you can get a warm meal and a bed for a few days."

The boy looks up, giving the innocent look of happiness that only children can manage, "Thank you."

Sasori-danna has already turned back to his normal, stoic self and holds out his hand, "Give me your arm."

The boy does, unquestioningly, and I take the chance to talk to him more personally, "What's your name, un?"

"Kabuto," he answers. We stand in silence for a moment before Kabuto asks, "Is it too bold to ask who you are?"

Before I can answer, Sasori-danna shoots, "Yes."

Kabuto winces as my danna starts to draw blood roughly, out of annoyance. I have to watch the kid's face, turned off by the sight of the blood in the syringe, but Kabuto's eyes stay glued to the needle. He seems intrigued by the whole process.

My danna smirks, "You know, most people don't watch as their blood is drawn."

"I'm not most people," Kabuto growls.

"Well, that's obvious, un," I mumble.

My danna gives me a sharp look as he takes the needle out of Kabuto's arm, "Deidara."

I look over at him quickly, then pout, "Sorry, danna, un."

"Do you end every sentence with 'un'?" Kabuto asks, annoyance leaking into the edge of his voice.

My danna and I both answer "Yes" but I sound infinitely more thrilled.

He smirks and I stand to loom over him, "You have a problem with that, un?"

He shrinks down, shaking his head, "No… I-I'm sorry." I nod in accomplishment, but when I turn my back he pulls a kunai, the only evidence being the noisy way in which he does so.

I turn sharply, "Looking to do something with that kunai, un?"

My Sasori-danna is already ready to strike, his own weapon poised.

The boy lowers the weapon, just a little, then raises it again, "I'm sorry, but this is taking too long. You have food, you have to, if not you have money, and I can get food with that. I'm so hungry, and the only thing between me and a meal is you." He throws the kunai, but his hunger is apparent in the way his eyes droop and his kunai misses my head by a mile. He drops to his knees, fumbling to grab another weapon.

I kneel by him, pinning his hands and searching through my bag the best I can. I dig for some of my candy, and find a chocolate bar. Quick energy like this will work for now. I open it with my teeth and break a little piece off. As he forces himself to face my, balancing on his shaky arms, which I released, I put the piece to his lips, pulling him up the rest of the way. He opens his mouth and devours the piece as quick as he can, barely chewing it.

"Don't make yourself sick, un," I scold.

He swallows again, then takes a few deep breaths before speaking with his head down, "Sorry."

Sasori-danna takes my arm and drags me back far enough so he can't hear us, "Deidara, he just tried to kill us. Are you sure we can trust him enough to give him energy like that?"

"Danna," I sigh, "he wasn't lying, he hasn't eaten in days, un. The least we can do is feed him before he dies, un, if he's a match we don't want to lose him.

"Deidara," I don't know," my danna looks at me, worried.

Kabuto throws his head back in a weak yet maniacal laugh, "You should listen to the one that drew my blood, you don't know if you can trust me," he grins, "Am I really that worth it?"

I shrug, "I don't know, un, are you?"

That stops him, and my danna takes his chance to speak, "I've had your blood sitting in a solution, testing it. You are blood type AB. Are you trustworthy enough that I can take you back with us, or not?"

He looks up at us, then bows back down, "You can trust me. You saved me… you can trust me."

I move to his side again and lean down, breaking off another piece of chocolate, handing it to him. He greedily grabs at it and eats it slower than the last piece but still fast. I give him the rest, and he finishes, but then starts to shiver.

"Are you going to be sick?" my danna asks coldly.

Kabuto shakes his head, "I just feel cold."

I turn to Sasori-danna in silent question and he nods in response. I take off my cloak and wrap it around Kabuto's body, his small size easily enveloped. When he stops shaking his eyes droop, and he simply passes out.

My danna sits next to him, "Do _you_ think we can trust him?"

"Yeah, un, he was hungry and desperate before. Give him some more food, and a place to stay, and he'll be as loyal as he can be."

"You sound like you know from experience."

"I do, un," I pause, "When I first ran after killing my parents I didn't eat for three days. It drives you crazy."

My danna kisses my forehead, gently brushing some hair from both of my eyes, tucking it behind my ears, "I'm sorry, Deidara."

I shake the hair loose to cover my mechanical eye again and look up, "Don't be, danna, you saved me. You have nothing to be sorry about, un."

He picks up my bag and turns, "You can carry Kabuto."

"What?! Why, un? You're the one that needs him, not me, un!" I complain.

"I can carry most of the bags, but my chakra is just about used up, Deidara. Please," he picks up his own bag.

I sigh, and pick up Kabuto, his arms slung over my shoulders and his legs looped through my arms, which hang onto his hands. My danna takes all of our belongings, which can not weigh even half as much as the kid, since I insist on keeping my clay. He leads the way back, though, and I follow. I will always follow my Sasori-danna.

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a/n: please review, give me the strength to over come writer's block!!! 


	19. Chapter 19

a/n: well, after slamming my head multiple times on the desk and watching Finding Forrester I think I may finally be on the verge of breaking out of writers block! Until then, you get this, sorry...

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine!!! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

PLEASE REVIEW!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOUR REVIEWS HAVE BEEN HELPING WITH MY WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!!

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SASORI POV

We arrive back well after nightfall to almost a welcome party, except this party isn't exactly happy. The boy with the mask is in front, with Kisame a few steps back from there. I know I can sense Itachi somewhere, but I can't see him.

I don't have much time to look for him before that masked kis starts coming toward us, "Where were you?"

"Out where Sir Leader told us to be," I snap, "Not that you have the authority to ask."

He looks back and sees Deidara, and then Kabuto, "Did you bring an unauthorized shinobi here?"

"Yes and no," I answer coolly, "We did bring someone that is currently unauthorized, but he's someone that Sir Leader has been waiting for, for a long time.

"For what?" the masked man asks.

"Do you always ask this many questions?" I ask in turn.

Kisame steps forward, touching the masked one's shoulder, "Don't worry, Tobi, this is definitely, Sasori."

"I don't know if you saying it that way is a good or bad thing Kisame," I smirk.

He shrugs, "Either do I." He turns to the masked kid, Tobi, "He knows what he's doing, let him in."

I roll my eyes and suppress my laughter so I don't beat on the kid. He's a trainee, he has it tough enough as is. Deidara starts to follow me again, and I lose interest in Tobi once more. Just inside the cave, I see a shadow darker than the rest and know that it's Itachi.

"What are you doing, un?" Deidara asks him.

"Kisame said he was going out, and with you two still missing I was making sure he didn't get himself killed," Itachi snaps.

"He's safe, un," Deidara grins.

"Shut up," Itachi growls.

I see Tobi and Kisame start to come back inside and motion for Deidara to follow me again. I start to head back towards the room, we can worry about Sir Leader later. Deidara follows without question as Tobi and Kisame enter the cave.

As we walk away I hear the start of the conversation that ensues. First Kisame, "What are you doing here, Itachi?"

Itachi huffs, "I felt a new chakra signature approaching. I was hoping for some fun with the intruder before I go to sleep."

Tobi sounds a little nervous, "Something tells me only you would be having fun, Sir."

I can just picture the foreboding face Itachi would be making then, "That's the best kind of fun."

That's all I hear of the conversation, but it wasn't going anywhere any ways. When we reach the room I open the door and Deidara takes Kabuto straight to the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" I peak in after setting the bags down.

He answers as he picks some of the junk out of Kabuto's hair, "Washing him up a bit, or at least his face and hair, un. He's a wreck."

I shrug, "I guess, I mean… a little, Deidara… he's doesn't look _that_ bad."

He laughs a little and shrugs, "I guess not, un, but something tells me he's going to end up in my bed. I am not washing my sheets, un."

"Probably," I shrug at the first part, "but we can share my bed, Deidara, and if you really don't want to wash the sheets just strip him to his underwear and wrap him in a clean cloak."

"I might, un," he grumbles.

I watch as Deidara gently combs the child's hair, then washes his face and arms with a kindness that I've only see him use with me. Maybe Deidara was right, that he knows what this kid has been through and that all the kid needs is a place to belong, someone to give him a purpose, and he'll be loyal. Like I gave Deidara a purpose by needing him, and no one else.

When he's cleaned the kid I help him take the boys tee shirt and pants off before wrapping him in one of my cloaks this time. I watch as Deidara lifts Kabuto, tucking the boy's face securely into his neck before I realize that Deidara has sympathy for the child. Deidara sets Kabuto down on his bed, and tucks the silver-haired child in snuggly.

I turn Deidara to face me when he finishes and look deep into his eyes, "Does your past still haunt you?"

He nods, then asks, "Why, danna, does yours, un?"

I shake my head, "No, and for once I only have my "puppet excuse" as you call it." I pull down my shirt, tearing it so the kanji above my heart shows, "This is my blood, Deidara. I had to do this when I knew that I was going to die. I was ruined after a battle, and I knew that I was dying. I used what strength I had left to make a shell that I could replace the dying flesh with. When I drew this symbol over the heart I sealed my fate. I was reborn, in a sense, with all my memories, but none of the feelings that were attached to them."

"I'm sorry, un," he whispers.

"Why? I would rather live with the knowledge of what I've done and not know how I feel about it then have the memories in full, or not have them at all. I do remember one thing about it, my past I mean, and that's that it was sad. I had a sad past, or I remember I felt sad in the past, but that's all, I do not feel it any longer, that sadness. I feel no regret that way, and I like it."

He starts to say something, then hesitates and stops.

"Go ahead," I frown, "say it. Say that it's only regret that makes us human, right?"

He nods, his eyes filling with sadness, raw hurt, and yet no tears.

I smirk, "For once you can't fight the fact that I'm not human. Now you're being forced to face it."

The raw hurt turns his eyes a drowning blue. No longer do they shine, they just hurt, open for all to see and in this moment I know I would do anything to never see those eyes again.

I sigh, and smile sadly, "And ironically now I regret saying that."

"But you're right, danna, un," his voice is blank, empty, but from his eyes I can see that something inside him has to die for him to admit that aloud.

His eyes do not grow any better with the silence, so I close the distance between us and gently wrap my arms around him. He flinches, but I hold strong and manage a clear voice, "That doesn't mean I can't still love you. I lost emotions that were attached to memories before I changed, but I did not lose emotions themselves. If I had lost my emotions I wouldn't feel so terrible about hurting you, about making you look at me this way."

He turns his head to the side and chokes out, "Sorry, danna."

I turn him to face me again, "No. _I'm_ sorry, Deidara. I love you."

That seemed to register, his eyes still sad, but glowing once more, "I love you too, un."

My lips gently meet his and I make sure that I open myself to him, letting him feel my emotions in my kiss. At first he barely reacts, but when he realizes that I really am sorry and that I really do love him, he kisses back almost aggressively. I pull him closer to me still, my arms locking securely around his shoulders and waist. He presses himself securely against me, his body molding against mine the best it can as he puts his arms between our chests. When the kiss breaks he seems so small and fragile as his cheek rests on my upper chest, his arms holding me desperately.

I sit back on my bed, pulling him completely against me, his body as much in my lap as he can manage, an amazing feat. I carefully run my fingers through his hair, kissing his forehead, resting my lips there.

"I haven't needed this for a while, un," he murmurs.

"What haven't you needed?"

"That hour, un. Remember?"

I nod, "I remember."

He sighs, "I was starting to think life had gotten so perfect I would never need it again, un."

"I'm so sorry, Deidara."

"Don't be, danna, don't be, un. I've come to realize something, un. No matter how perfect life gets, there is always going to be the bad stuff, but that's okay, un. As long as I have you, Sasori-danna, that bad stuff doesn't seem so bad."

He looks up at me and there is knowledge in his gaze. It's a darkness, that I'm sure in some ways reflects my own eyes. It says that we aren't going to be pushed around as easily anymore, that we know that we are strong now, because we know how the world works. You have to be tough in the real world. He has to have lost what little innocence I know he had when it came to his view of this world, and that always brings change. Losing innocence changes everything.

The way he is still pressed to me only promises a small change, though. He still has innocence in him, to feel this much pain he has to have innocence. He curls up again, head down, so I start to run my fingers through his hair again, I hadn't noticed I had stopped. He mumbles something incoherent to my chest, then nuzzles in even closer. I kiss his scalp and nudge him out of my lap. He sadly retreats, slinking out of my lap, and I wrap my arms around him once he's next to me.

I take his shirt off and pull him down next to me, "Come on, Deidara, we've had a long day. Let's get to sleep."

"What about Kabuto, un?" he tilts his head toward me.

"I'll stay up, I can stand another night," I kiss his cheek.

He looks at me, eye to eye now, "Sasori-danna, no. You used up a bunch of chakra, un. Go to sleep, un, I'll stay up. If I get too tired we can switch _then_, danna."

He sits up, his back to the wall, pulling my head into his lap, my shoulders straddled by his legs.

"It's your turn to relax, Sasori-danna, un," he whispers.

A rustle of cloth causes us both to turn toward Kabuto, but when he just turns over in his sleep Deidara starts brushing my hair back. His hands gently cover my eyes, and then start to massage my temples. He keeps going, my muscles relaxing as he whispers soft things to me, relaxing words.

No matter how much we go through, Deidara never seems to change when it comes down to the simple things. He's fun loving, loud, annoying, and my lover, even if I won't admit that part to anyone but him. It's times like these that remind me why we stay together and not kill each other in the process.

As I feel myself drift off, I let Deidara relax my muscles, relax me, and I fall asleep in my lover's arms.


	20. Chapter 20

a/n: holy crap! Writers block sucks!!! Yeah... that's what i've been suffering from, but i'm back. I'll keep this short as i'm sure you're eager to read on. so: I don't own anything!!!!

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SASORI POV

A loud voice in what meets me first thing, come morning. After a moment I realize it's Deidara.

"So… eggs, toast… and steak, un?" Deidara rattles back to Kabuto.

I open my eyes in time to see Kabuto nod, "If you can."

Deidara nods, then turns to me and grins, "Morning, Sasori-danna! I was just about to wake you up, un."

I sit up, "Taking breakfast orders?"

"Hope you don't mind, un," he smiles nonetheless.

I shake my head, "I don't mind."

"Anything special?" he perks up.

I shake my head, "Whatever they have."

"You don't trust me to leave the room, either of you," Kabuto almost sounds amused.

I shake my head, "It's not that. If you leave the room our leader will want to see you right away, and I'm guessing that you want to eat first."

He nods vigorously.

"Then you and I will stay here for now," I lean against the wall behind my pillow.

"Alright," he mirrors me, leaning against the wall.

I turn to watch as Deidara waves, "Back in a second, un," and then leaves.

Kabuto turns to me once I can not sense Deidara's power, "You two work together?"

I nod, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

"You freaked out by his hands?" he asks.

I shake my head.

"Did it scare you the first time you saw them?" he grabs a pillow, hugging it to his stomach.

I shake my head.

He smirks, "You talk more around him."

I grin, "Now you're learning."

"You don't like me?" he hugs the pillow a little more.

I shake my head, "I don't talk much to anyone, except Deidara."

"You don't like anyone else? No one else intelligent enough?" he tilts his head.

"That's definitely not it. No offense to Deidara, but it's not intelligence," I sigh, "It's complicated."

"You love him," he states.

"That's bold," I warn.

"And obvious, when it comes down to it. Most people would take you talking kindly to him as you being nice to your work partner. That's not it though. The way you look at him, the way you talk to him, you love him," he explains.

"You make it sound like anyone could figure it out," I scold myself.

"No," he shakes his head, "I am quite observant, and it's more obvious to those that are looking for something out of the ordinary."

"You always this observant?" I ask, turning to watch him finally.

He nods.

"Good."

"For what?"

"A job you can help with, Deidara, and Sir Leader with," I explain.

"Is that why I'm here?" he asks.

"Yes."

He nods in acceptance, in understanding. He understands that he's being used, and he accepts it, or so I hope. He's been used before, or he knows someone that has been and was close to them. Maybe he doesn't know he's being used. Maybe he thinks we'll be working together. I hope he doesn't think we'll be working together.

He starts to laugh, "You can stop puzzling over my past. I'll tell you. My parents saw my intelligence at my young age to be a tool that they could use. Our village was under constant attack, so they used my powers to gain what they hoped was an advantage. They were wrong, of course. I watched them die. I held my mother when she took her last breath, and watched my father who never cried in front of anyone break down sobbing, begging not to die. I killed an ANBU assassin from another village, I watched the killer that took my parents' lives take his last breath. It felt so right. I slaughtered at least a dozen other ANBU operatives before I ran away. They chased me, but lost my trail the morning before you found me."

"Did they kill your whole village?" I ask, knowing with the tone that he was just using he won't mind me asking.

He nods, but this time he looks sad. Maybe he did mind.

"I hated my parents, and they saw me as a tool, it wasn't really a loving relationship, but I did have a friend… I saw him… the man stuck a kunai in his throat, and then tore. There was this long line of red that didn't fall right away trailing from the blade to his throat. Then the red splashed onto his face. His eyes watched me as he fell. He watched me when he was on the ground. His mouth gaped like a fish," Kabuto chokes and it hits me that his sentences are slipping, that he's slowly showing his age as he continues, "His mouth managed to form my name. Through the blood, he called my name," he finishes, looking down and away.

I cross the room, not knowing what I could possibly do to help. I rest a hand on his shoulder, and he starts to cry, throwing himself into my arms. At first I'm thrown off, shocked, but the long he cries the more he starts to shake and I'm afraid he could break in this state. I sigh, putting my hand on his back, the other coming up to rest in his hair. I hush him, and he curls deeper into my arms, just like Deidara last night.

I inwardly give up, tightening my grip on him slightly, which seems to settle him down minutely. He recovers quite quickly, jumping back and wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry," he wipes harder.

I walk back over to my bed, seeing as how he let go of me, "For what?"

He looks over at me and our eyes meet. He's just a kid, and if he won't tell either will I.

"Right," he nods, pulling the pillow back into his lap.

I smirk, but anything I was planning on saying is interrupted by a knock at the door. I stand up and answer the door just to come face to face with a very upset Zetsu.

"Hello Sasori," his soft voice greets.

"Heard you were harassing my apprentice," his other voice continues.

"Who?" I ask.

"Tobi," the harsh voice again.

"The one with the mask," the other voice explains.

"_Him_? _He's_ your apprentice?" I look at him incredulously.

"Yes," both halves answer.

"Look, I'm sorry, but the kid asks too many questions," I sigh.

He nods, his white half answering in an almost sad voice, "I know, I know…"

"We've been trying to break him of that habit," his black half finishes.

I nod, then grin, "Good luck."

He smirks, "Sure." He then tries to see past me into the room, "Heard you have a stow away…"

"Mind letting us see?"

I turn back to Kabuto, who shrugs, so I back off, letting Zetsu get a good look into the room before entering.

Kabuto's first response is shock, his eyes widening like saucers, but then his brow furrows, "I heard two people."

"Of course you didn't, you heard two voices," Zetsu's first half starts.

"But it's just me," his other half finishes.

Kabuto hugs the pillow harder, but otherwise seems unfazed. I sit down next to him as Zetsu sits on my bed in turn, getting comfortable. When the door shut Kabuto jumped, letting me know he's actually frightened not shocked.

Zetsu stares at Kabuto, as if sizing the boy up. Kabuto shifts under the scrutinizing gaze, tightening and loosening his grip on the pillow. Zetsu grins in a maniacal way, the scent of Kabuto's fear exciting him.

"Zetsu," I catch his attention.

"Sorry," one half states as he shrugs.

"He's fun to play with," his other half grins, causing Kabuto to whimper.

I glare at Zetsu, who sighs, "Alright, Sasori." He turns to Kabuto, standing and walking to the boy, extending a hand, which Kabuto flinches away from, "Sorry."

"I apologize," he half bows, hand still extended, "It's customary around here to give the new kid a hard time. I mean you no harm."

Kabuto looks up uncertainly, then shakily holds out his hand and they shake. Kabuto pulls back first, almost recoiling. Kabuto should consider himself honored; Zetsu rarely apologizes, and even more rarely seals a deal with a handshake. He's more the 'do what I say when I say it' type. Then again, so am I.

Zetsu turns to me, "You should take him to Sir Leader soon, before Sir Leader finds out you've been hiding the kid from him."

"I know," I nod, "but we were all hungry so Deidara went to get breakfast before we go to Sir Leader's office."

Kabuto turns to me, "Does this leader guy have a name?"

Zetsu grins, "Yeah…"

"…Sir Leader," he bares his teeth, almost laughing.

"Zetsu," I roll my eyes.

"It's true…"

"… You know that Sasori," he points out.

I nod, "I do."

"Well, I better go," he bows.

He turns to Kabuto and in the opposite voice smiles, "Welcome."

Zetsu turns and leaves. Kabuto huddles against me just a little. I wrap an arm awkwardly around him and he just hugs the pillow tighter. A few minutes later Deidara shows up, and I have to get up to open the door again.

He carries in two bags of food while I comment, "You never bring back more than one bag of food."

He grins and shrugs, "We're feeding another mouth, un. His food is in one bag and ours in another, Sasori-danna."

"Am I that unappealing?" Kabuto tilts his head as Deidara hands him a bag.

"No, this is just more convenient, un," Deidara grabs my hand, dragging me over to my bed with out food in hand.

"You guys really are in love," Kabuto blinks.

I roll my eyes, "It's something you wouldn't understand."

Deidara decides to try and explain it though, "I was saved by Sasori-danna when he took me in and gave me a real purpose, un. I saved him from the brink when someone had done terrible things to him. We have a bond of a different sort, un."

I watch Kabuto digest the information, then nod, "I understand, sort of."

"That's why I said you wouldn't. Logic can only take you so far, this is something you have to experience," I take what food Deidara hands me and start eating.

"I have time," Kabuto shrugs.

"Indeed," I mumble into my food.

I watch him puzzle for a moment over my tone before Deidara explains, "You're quite young, especially to have killed as many as you have, un."

"Don't you believe me?" that killer glint in his eyes is back, the one that lets us know he isn't lying.

Deidara shakes his head, "I believe you, un, but that doesn't stop you from being young."

Kabuto smiles, but his eyes don't change, "You're right, it doesn't."

Deidara instantly shoves food in his mouth in an attempt to remove himself from the conversation. It works, as Kabuto enthusiastically finishes off half his meal in a matter of minutes.

"Slow down," I look over at him, only half as far into my meal as he is.

"I'm sorry," he takes a sip of water that Deidara brought back for him, "I'm just so hungry."

"I understand, but I want you at your best for meeting Sir Leader."

He nods, "Alright, but I know I won't be sick."

"You can't guarantee that if you eat too quickly."

He sighs, "Sure."

"Come on, danna," Deidara elbows me, "at least he's pacing himself, no matter how quickly he is doing so, un."

I sigh, "Now this just isn't fair."

Deidara grins, "Of course it is, un, just not for you!"

I glare at him, then turn back to Kabuto who has finished. "Ready to go?"

He nods, standing up, "Lead the way."

Deidara whines, "Can't I finish eating, un?"

"Of course you can, you're not going."

"But, danna…"

"Sorry, Deidara, but no," I answer, "I've been risking my neck in just telling you the stuff I have, you go today and Sir Leader will know that I've told you everything."

"Alright, Sasori-danna, I don't want you to get in trouble, un," he smiles up at me in my now standing position.

I turn to Kabuto, and motion, "Follow me."

Without question he follows me further into the hideout on the long walk to Sir Leader's office.

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a/n: please review, only you can save me from my writers block! 


	21. Chapter 21

a/n: grarararararar (as a good friend would say) I have not found the stinking time to type much of this up!!!! Grrrr... I swear this should get faster, but then again I've been wrong so far. Enjoy this for now!

please review!!!!

thank you for all the support despite the lack of updates

disclaimer: I own nothing!

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SASORI POV

We reach the door, Kabuto standing anxiously behind me when I knock.

"What do you want?" Sir Leader hisses through the door.

"It concerns the project, Sir Leader," I get an odd look from Kabuto.

"Very well, come in," he invites.

I cautiously open the door, and motion for Kabuto to stay behind me. He does what every child is expected to do, the opposite of what I tell him. He barges in.

As I chase after him I look up at a very upset Sir Leader, "Sasori, are you babysitting? Or is this just an unauthorized shinobi I need to take care of for you?"

Maybe that kid Tobi is well trained after all, "He is the perfect subject." Again, I receive the look of what I not can tell is betrayal from Kabuto.

Sir Leader slams his hands down on the desk, shooting up from his seat, "That is for me to decide, Sasori."

I bow, low, "Yes, Sir Leader, of course, but if I did not bring him here he would have died."

"Then he can not be the perfect subject," he pushes his chair out of his way and I worry that I have condemned Kabuto.

I force my chin to my chest in complete submission, "He had fled his home, his parents were dead, he was starving, Sir. We have taken in members in worse shape."

"Do not compare this child to those that serve me, at least they know their place," he growls, and I bend now as low as I can without touching the floor.

I listen as Kabuto storms up to Sir Leader and I have to look up in horror, "Don't call me a child! I have killed at least twice as many people now as you had when you were my age."

"Do not underestimate me, boy," Sir Leader's muscles tense to strike.

"Fine," Kabuto points at me, "I've killed twice as many as _he_ had at my age."

I watch with terror as Sir Leader strikes Kabuto, hard across the cheek. Kabuto silently drops to the ground, thrown to the side and into Sir Leader's chair. He doesn't respond, his eyes are just wide with fear. He then looks up at Sir Leader with wonder before standing up slowly, wincing, and retreating to my side. Once he's at my side he allows himself to heal the stinging cut on his cheek, left there from Sir Leader's ring, through near silent whimpers. I turn to Sir Leader, who is watching Kabuto heal himself with curiosity. He, like me, realizes how rare it is for a child to have such power.

"Very well, Kabuto, you are dismissed," Sir Leader waves.

"How did you know my name?" Kabuto backs up a step, putting me between himself and Sir Leader.

"Dear boy, I run this organization, I know everything that goes on here," Sir Leader shrugs.

Kabuto does leave then, thoroughly shaken, slinking toward the door, his eyes on Sir Leader.

When Kabuto's chakra signature is well down the hall, Sir Leader turns to me, "Sasori, there is a final condition, and you know that boy will never pass it. You remember that final condition, don't you?"

"Of course I remember, Sir Leader, he has to be loyal to the one whose blood goes in the formula," I state.

"That is to be _my_ blood, Sasori," he states evenly, though the anger does show through.

"With all due respect, Sir Leader, the boy is loyal to me, and I was thinking with your best interest of course. Would it not be safer to have me be the one that this boy answers to, that way if he were to be found out it would be my head and not yours," I explain. It's a lie, but it's the best I have.

"Are you willing to bet your life on the fact that he is loyal to you?"

"I am."

"Good, then you know what is at stake should this fail, Sasori."

"Yes, Sir Leader."

"Very well, you are dismissed," he sits once more as I retreat.

I hurry back to the room, running, hoping that Kabuto didn't run away, hoping he's safe with Deidara. I knock on the door and Deidara answers.

"Oh good, un, you're back. Now maybe he'll talk, un," Deidara smiles, seemingly relieved.

"What?" I ask.

Deidara points to a limp of covers on his bed, "He just came in and went straight for the bed, un. He won't talk, un. What happened, Sasori-danna?"

"That is not my story to tell, Deidara," I sigh out. I move to sit on the bed next to Kabuto, peeling the covers from over his head. He promptly uses his arms to cover his head instead. "Did he hurt you severely, Kabuto?" I make my voice as gentle as possible.

He shakes his head.

I start to pet his hair, try to soothe him so he doesn't suffocate himself. He flinches at my touch.

I hear something muffled against his arms, but I can't understand.

"What?" I gently prod.

"You lied to me!" he growls, turning on me with a glare, "You said I was to work with you, under your command, never below you though, but I'm really just a _subject_ aren't I?"

Deidara looks at me and the message he wants to send relays perfectly: how dare you? He's right. How dare I?

"I don't think of you that way," I try to pet his hair again, but he dodges.

"You sure fooled me," he snarls.

"Fooled Sir Leader too, didn't I?" I give a sad smile. I hate to admit it, but this kid has taught me to show more emotion. Or maybe it was Deidara. Either way I'll have to start keeping that in check.

Confusion and doubt cross his face, "I don't believe you."

"Then don't, I don't deserve it, but I do not think negatively of you, Kabuto," I start to stand, but stop when he starts reaching for my hand, stopping just shy of it.

He winces, and brings his hand to his cheek.

"What happened? Are you okay, un?" Deidara approaches.

"You leader hit me," he answers, "and my powers can only heal broken bones, or cuts, they aren't really good at bruises yet. It hurts…"

"You know, Kabuto, if you want to work with us our leader is yours as well," I point out.

Kabuto shakes his head, "You can be my leader, Sasori, even you, Deidara, but not him."

This is working out better than I had hoped for. This could actually work.

Deidara grins, then gets serious, "You need ice, un?"

Kabuto half smiles, "I'll be fine."

"You sure, un? It's no problem for me to go get it, un," Deidara insists.

Kabuto shakes his head, "I'm fine, really."

Deidara shrugs cheerily, "Alright, un! I need to get cleaned up, any one need the bathroom first, un?"

Kabuto and I shake our heads.

"Be out in a minute, un," and with that Deidara shuts the door, only a change of clothes in his hands.

I mumble after him, "Yeah, multiply that by at least sixty."

"Deidara takes a long time getting clean?" Kabuto smirks.

I shake my head, "It takes him that long just to do his hair."

That gets Kabuto to laugh, that innocent child laughter. Looking into his eyes you can forget how young he is, but that laugh gives it all away. It's difficult to know what we are about to do to this boy, destroy what innocence he has to make him our slave. I suppress a sigh at the thought of sending the boy into the snake pit, but if he doesn't do it, I don't know who else can.

A knock on the door and then a click lets me know that Kisame's curiosity got the best of him.

"So, Kisame, this going to be a normal thing, you just waltzing on in?" I turn to see him grin.

"Aw, come on, Sasori, you know you enjoy my little visits," he steps in the door and I see that Itachi is with him.

"Hey, Itachi," I wave.

"Hn," he raises his head in acknowledgement

"So this the kid Zetsu was talking about?" Kisame motions to Kabuto.

"Yeah. Didn't know Zetsu was volunteering information that easily," I nod.

"He isn't, but I asked if he knew anything about that kid Deidara had been carrying. I hadn't gotten a good look at him, but he didn't seem nearly as gutsy as Zetsu made him sound," Kisame shrugs.

"You calling me weak?" Kabuto jumps up.

Itachi grunts, "Brat."

Kabuto glares at him, but Kisame shakes his head, "You know Itachi, when you described Sasuke those few times I got you drunk," I laugh and Itachi glares daggers at Kisame, "you didn't seem to complain too much about him, you actually described him like this one."

Kabuto looks at me, "Is that a good thing?"

"Are you an Uchiha?" I ask.

Kabuto looks confused, "I don't think so."

"Then you're fine," I grin as Kisame bursts out laughing.

Itachi turns his head to the side, "Tch."

Kisame frowns, the laughter dying from his eyes, "Oh, Itachi," he approaches, gently touching the Uchiha's arm.

Itachi pulls his arm back violently and glares at Kisame, "I don't need pity."

"I'm not offering you pity, Itachi," Kisame sighs, "you know that."

Kabuto looks confused and turns to ask me something about the fight, but I shake my head. He understands, and reluctantly goes back to being a spectator. There isn't much to be a spectator to, though, as Kisame, defeated, turns back to us.

"So, you're Kabuto?" he asks.

"How come everyone knows my name?" he mumbles.

Kisame laughs, "Probably all from Zetsu. He may not seem like someone that would be good at sneaking around, but he is the akatsuki's spy."

"Zetsu's a spy?" to no one in the room except Kabuto and I the words 'just like me' are lost.

Itachi nods, "You'll make a terrible spy if you couldn't figure that out."

I look over to Itachi, "Cut Kabuto some slack, Itachi, he only met Zetsu once and I must admit Zetsu gave nothing away."

"Zetsu give you a hard time?" Kisame asks Kabuto.

Kabuto looks to me and I nod, so he turns back to Kisame, "A little."

"Ha," Kisame grins, "better than having Itachi greet you, though."

Itachi glares at Kisame but before he can say anything Kabuto answers, "I can tell."

Kisame looks over to Itachi, "Now here's a kid I could get along with."

"You could get along with anything that has an IQ lower than yours," Itachi snarls.

Kabuto growls at the Uchiha, not knowing whether that was a compliment or an insult.

Itachi glares down at him and I cut in, "Kabuto's a lot smarter than you think, no offense Kisame."

Kisame frowns, but nods, "None taken, this kid has to be a genius the way Zetsu praised him."

"Praised him?" I don't hide my shock.

"Said the kid has a real talent for gathering information, though he's a little too jumpy," Kisame nods.

"Sounds like a compliment to me," I agree.

"Hn, not me," Kabuto whines.

"You don't know how great of a compliment that is from Zetsu," Itachi scowls.

Itachi watches carefully as Kabuto turns to me once more before asking, "Do you really see that as a compliment?"

I nod, "Zetsu normally doesn't say something like that without meaning it, and can never follow a compliment with a second compliment. The only time he's done that was praising Itachi."

I look to Itachi as Kabuto does, but Itachi shows nothing, not even the normal hate or boredom that traces his eyes. Kabuto watches the Uchiha with interest for a little longer, trying to make heads and tails of the sharingan master.

Kisame moves proudly to Itachi's side, "The strongest kid, and the youngest one, to get admitted into akatsuki."

Kabuto looks over at me skeptically and I nod, "It's true."

Itachi looks at Kisame and waits for Kabuto to turn away before motioning with his head to the door. He hopes Kabuto didn't see, or at least it seems like he does, but I know better. If Kabuto had been a spy he would have seen that.

Kisame turns to Kabuto, "Hey kid, you want me to show you around?"

Kabuto turns to him excitedly, "Sure."

The two leave promptly, Kisame rambling on about some crap about the training grounds. I feel their chakra signatures travel a fair distance away before Itachi turns to me, "You have a leash on that kid."

I shake my head, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That's crap, Sasori," he states.

I look him in the eyes, "I never did a damn thing to him, Itachi. The kid was starving, Deidara gave him some food. The two of us brought the kid back here, end of story."

"Hn. His loyalty is too great for that," Itachi leans back against the wall.

"You think so? Ask Deidara," I shrug.

Itachi shoots me a glare, "He's a little busy at the moment, don't you think?"

I listen to the shower water running, "I guess so."

I knock on the door and Deidara's voice, albeit muffled, answers, "What, un?"

Itachi growls a little and steps closer to the door, "Did Sasori do something to Kabuto to make the kid loyal?"

Deidara takes a second to answer, and I can just picture him shaking his head at nothing, "No, un. We just picked the kid up, Sasori-danna and I, and brought the kid back here."

Itachi looks up at me stoically, but I know better. He's shocked that any one can earn the trust that I've earned from Kabuto without using power, or potions. I hear the water stop running and know that Deidara probably will be out when Kisame and Kabuto return, in about thirty minutes. I swear, he's really trying to compete with Itachi and see him brushing hair out of his face. It looks almost feminine. That explains some things as to why Kisame was attracted to him.


	22. Chapter 22

disclaimer: I own nothing!

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SASORI POV 

There is a silence the entire wait for Kisame and Kabuto, and I'm fine with that. Itachi sat down on a bed right from the start, Deidara's bed really but he doesn't know that. I picked up the book that I've been reading and just started where I left off. We didn't even glance across the room at each other.

Kisame doesn't even bother knocking when they get back, Kabuto taking care of announcing their returning presence by pouncing onto Deidara's bed, expecting it to be free. I watch Itachi wince as Kabuto lands squarely on his knee. Kisame starts to laugh, but I can't do anything except roll my eyes. I watch Kabuto slink off the bed to come cower behind me as Itachi stands up, flexing what looks like a sprained knee. Kisame moves to Itachi's side as Itachi tries to limp over to him. I grab Kabuto's arm and pull him against me in defense against Itachi's wrath.

Itachi turns to us as Kisame steadies him, Itachi giving Kabuto a look that promises pain. Just then there is a click as Deidara comes out of the bathroom.

He takes a moment to look around before his eyes finally land on me and he tilts his head to one side, "What did I miss, un?"

I groan and shake my head as Itachi tries to come after Kabuto. Kabuto lowers his head and despite my death grip on his sleeve he slips over to Itachi's side, kneeling in the ground in front of the injured knee for a better vantage point. Itachi stops then, watching intently as Kabuto's hands start to glow a dull blue and he presses them to the injured knee.

The moment after the blue glow dies Itachi shakes free of Kisame's grip and walks evenly over to the bed again, sitting down.

Kabuto approaches him, head down in complete submission, "I'm sorry, I really am," he looks up, "I didn't mean to hurt you. You're knee should be okay, a little bruised though. I can't heal those yet."

Itachi looks down at Kabuto with an icy gaze, then sighs, "Sure."

Kabuto accepts the answer, coming back to my side with a look that shows he's grateful, grateful for not getting in more trouble. He comes to my exact side, leaning on the arm that had been gripping his and yawns, eyes drooping. Not long after his eyes close completely, his head lulling onto my shoulder as he falls asleep.

Kisame smirks down at the kid, "He was showing off his skills to me on the training grounds. He's got a real talent for healing, Sasori."

I nod, "He does."

Itachi just nods, but I know from that that the kid impressed him.

Deidara sits down on my other side and leans his head on my shoulder. I roll my eyes and move to rest my chin on his head for a couple of seconds. He smiles up at me as Kisame sits down next to Itachi, trying to same thing as Deidara just did and earning an elbow in the side.

Kisame grunts and looks over at Itachi, "That hurt!"

"You should know better," the Uchiha growls matter-of-factly.

Kisame frowns and murmurs, "It still hurt."

I shake my head, knowing Kisame is fighting a losing battle. Kisame doubles over, nursing his sore side, when Itachi gently raises Kisame's face, bringing them to eye level with one another. Kisame looks into those intense red eyes, that Itachi rarely relinquishes, for a moment before Itachi pulls Kisame's lips to his. The movement is quick, only a fleeting kiss, but Kisame doesn't seem to mind. He curls against the Uchiha's side, barely letting them touch but still making the moment intimate.

Itachi minutely wraps his arm around Kisame's side, and nudges him to get him to stand up. They both stand as one body, Kisame pulling Itachi into his arms, into a kiss. Itachi doesn't resist, nor does he make a move to take anything further, keeping the kiss light. Kisame doesn't seem to mind, as he pulls back happily from Itachi when the kiss breaks.

Kisame turns to us, "We should go."

"I have to prepare for this," I motion to Kabuto, "any ways."

Itachi looks at me, "Already?"

"The stuff takes a few hours to set," I nod.

He blinks, slowly, then walks toward the door, Kisame following as he calls back, "See you two later!"

Deidara sits up then, "See ya, un!"

The door closes and instantly I move Kabuto to Deidara's bed. Deidara moves with Kabuto, running his fingers through the boy's silver mane.

"Are you really going to do this, un?" he asks, still looking down at Kabuto. Deidara seems to have gotten dangerously attached to the boy, finding Kabuto will actually listen to his ramblings.

I sigh heavily, "Yeah, I am."

"I wish we didn't have to, un," he whimpers.

"So do I, Deidara, so do I."

DEIDARA POV

I watch my danna prick his finger and squeeze the wound. A perfect dark drop escapes and falls into the liquid he holds below. He's told me that these are the final preparations for his poison, as I have now started to call it, that will make Kabuto unquestioningly loyal, even more so than he is now.

It's been two days since we brought the kid here and I've grown attached to him, and he has grown attached to Sasori-danna. The child has become so attached that he has kicked me back into my bed, claiming that he's having nightmares if he's not next to my Sasori-danna. Though danna does not seem too happy about this either, he allows it.

Danna starts stirring the poison, and then carefully sucks it up with a syringe. We both look over to Kabuto, who is napping on my bed still. He looks so innocent and young, it feels like a crime to steal that from him just to make him our spy.

A knock on the door startles me, though both Sasori-danna and Kabuto seem quite unaffected. I don't even know if the knock was real before Sasori-danna stands up to answer it. He opens the door and I see what looks like Kakuzu's hand almost completely engulfed by his cloak, as usual. I can't see anymore past Sasori-danna, but when the hand shifts it confirms who the hand belongs to by flashing the markings on his arm.

"What is it?" my danna asks.

"The kid staying with you?" straight to the point, as always with Kakuzu.

"Yeah," Sasori-danna nods, "Why?"

Kakuzu sighs, "I know it sounds stupid, but the kid impressed me."

"When did you ever meet him?" Sasori-danna sounds skeptical and I don't blame him.

"I was training with my partner, he's such an annoying ass, but any ways this kid comes onto the field with Kisame and just goes and heals up one of the trainees. Pretty impressive the way he did it too. This guy was in bad shape."

"That explains why he crashed," my danna backs off to let Kakuzu in.

Just as the usually reclusive, seeing as how he never even really is with his partner when I see him and doesn't like to talk to the others too much, man moves to enter a voice down the hallway calls out "Kakuzu, wait up!"

Kakuzu rolls his eyes and steps into our room any ways. The door is just about to click closed when a hand sticks through, holding it open. I watch as Kakuzu's latest partner grits his teeth, opening the door despite Kakuzu's efforts to hold it shut and grimacing at the tall man. The two have been together for a long while now, but I still haven't seen the two interact around one another, I've never even met this apparently young man with silver hair. From what I've heard the two are total opposites and don't get along very well. I see that now.

I watch as Sasori-danna turns to Kakuzu, completely ignoring the silver-haired man as he rubs his wrist, "What do you want with the kid?"

"Nothing," Kakuzu shakes his head, "I only wanted to know what you were planning on doing with him."

"That's between Sir Leader and me" my danna snaps.

I nod, "Even I don't know what they're doing, un, so why should you?"

"Because I'm not afraid to ask," Kakuzu turns to me.

"Either am I, un!" I growl.

Kakuzu's partner grins, "Well this certainly was productive. You interrupted our training for nothing!"

"Shut up, Hidan," Kakuzu turns to his partner.

Hidan just glares at Kakuzu, "No fucking way! I've stayed quiet long enough, I'm tired of being treated like I'm lower than you. I earned my way to being a full fledged akatsuki member and by God I'm not going to stand for this shit you keep throwing at me."

Kakuzu didn't even listen, or he doesn't act like he did, turning back to danna, "Why all the secrets? Aren't the rest of us supposed to know what's going on, just in case?"

"This is a spy mission, that's all I'm authorized to say," my danna's eyes have glazed with boredom.

Hidan chimes in this time, "C'mon, you can't even tell us what the kids gonna be doing?"

Sasori-danna just shakes his head, "Sorry."

"That's no fun," Hidan shrugs, "let's go, Kakuzu, we could be training."

"Like you need it?"

"I am the slowest attacking member of akatsuki, I'd like to improve, you know?" Hidan gives his partner an almost desperate look.

"What ever," Kakuzu shrugs, then nods, "we'll go," Kakuzu turns back to my danna, "but I'm going to find out what you're hiding from me, Sasori."

"Let me know when you do," is all my danna responds with, driving the masked man crazy.

Kakuzu turns heatedly to the door and pushes Hidan through, slamming the poor door shut, almost driving it off its hinges.

My danna leans against the door and turns to me, grinning, "Wonder what got him all worked up."

"Was that a joke, un?"

He frowns, "You think I'm incapable of the occasional joke?"

"Well… yeah, un," I shrug. "You just don't seem the joking type, that's all Sasori-danna, I'm sorry."

"Sure you are," he shakes his head, "sure you are."

"I am, un!" I jump up and wrap my arms around him, which is quite difficult, seeing as how he's leaning on the door. I squeeze him until I can no longer pretend that there is flesh under the cloak and I can feel the wood scraping against my arms through the cloth and still I squeeze more. "I am sorry, un!"

He lets one arm come around to cover my back, "I know, Deidara, I know."

A rustle from the bed makes us both turn towards Kabuto, but all he's doing is rolling over onto his back. I watch him twitch a little in his sleep and then go back to lying there peacefully. I still don't agree with what we have to do to him, I mean do we have to do it right when the kid wakes up from his nap? Unfortunately my danna has told me we do have to do it then, but that still doesn't make me want to do it. I watch his eyes peel open and lazily focus on us. I then watch them move to danna's hand, where he's still holding the syringe.

"What's going on?" the kid's voice is still thick with sleep, so innocent sounding.

"We're taking you on a mission with us," my danna answers curtly.

"Why do you have a needle?" Kabuto sits up, rubbing his eyes.

"It's an enhancement, it will keep you moving. We already took it. Since we could be moving for a few days with no sleep we need to be prepared," Sasori-danna lies, and he lies well.

Kabuto nods, not even thinking of the possibility of a lie coming from my danna's mouth, not to him at least. My danna and I can do no wrong in this child's eyes. If only he knew. Yet still he stumbles up and yawns, stretching. He walks over and offers up one of his small arms, knowing how injections work and not frightened of us at all. I've killed a fair amount of people in my life, and my danna has killed more, and yet because this kid has killed as well, and trusts us now that we've taken care of him, he offers his arm to a killer with a strange injection and feels that that killer is trustworthy. I almost try to stop this, almost grab my danna's hand and stop him before we can start all this madness, but I know that this is being done by Sir Leader's orders, and I know that there is nothing we can do about it.

My danna proceeds to prep Kabuto's arm for the injection, and then squeezes any air out of the needle that got in there when he filled it. Kabuto watches as the needle pierces one of the thin purple veins in his arm and watches that poison enter his system. There's a moment when nothing happens and for a heartbeat I see fear in my danna's eyes, and in mine there must be relief, for during a second heartbeat I seem to have earned myself a glare of daggers. Suddenly Kabuto drops to his knees, screaming in pain. His hands claw at his veins, drawing blood in some places but mostly just leaving raised, red trails down his pale skin. Then he screams, and that's all he seems to be able to do. His screams are piercing and drawn out, and every chance he gets to take in more breath, his wails just start over again. Long moments pass where I'm sure everyone at the base has to be able to hear this awful sound, before suddenly the sound just stops.

Sasori-danna warned me that this might happen, that it may hurt Kabuto, but nothing could have made that sound less haunting in those long, drawn out, moments. Sasori-danna kneels down, next to Kabuto, gently rubbing circles on the boy's back. Kabuto is shaking uncontrollably, though, so my danna gives up, and just draws the boy against his body, rocking the child slightly like he's done for me sometimes.

"It's okay," Sasori-danna whispers to that shaking form, "it's okay."

Kabuto then just stops: no more shaking, no more cowering. He uncurls and looks expectantly up at my danna.

"Can you stand? Can you walk?" my danna asks.

The boy nods once.

"Good," they both stand as one body.

"Where are we going, Sasori?" Kabuto's voice is no longer his, it's much older sounding.

"To find Orochimaru," Sasori-danna answers.

"Who's that?"

"He's a man that has betrayed akatsuki, and myself. We need you to act as a spy and join his ranks. We've caught rumors that he's trying to build himself a village of his own near the land of fire. We need you to keep us updated on his whereabouts and his plans."

"Anything for you, Sasori."

My danna nods, then motions for me to lead the way. I open the door and let the two of them walk out ahead of me. I fall in stride with them after closing the door and watch as Kabuto falls an exact two strides behind Sasori-danna. He seems to be quite the follower with that poison in him, at least he has learned his place in the rankings here and can't get into trouble anymore. I still wish he wouldn't be so submissive so suddenly.

Sasori-danna kisses my cheek and wraps an arm around my waist, "Deidara, what's wrong?"

I shake my head, "I'm fine, un."

"You sure?" he whispers against my kneck.

"He may have been a murderer, danna, but he was still innocent, un!" I lean against Sasori-danna for support.

"I know," my danna states.

"We stole his life, danna, he trusted us, un," I manage to still whisper, though it has become difficult to do so.

"I know, Deidara," he whispers harshly, then mellows out, "I know…"

His hand starts running through my hair, a gesture that means I know means he feels bad, "I'm sorry, Sasori-danna, I didn't mean to upset you, un."

He kisses my forehead, "You didn't." I can tell he's lying.

In a strange way, I'm actually glad that I upset him. In a distant way I feel that Sasori-danna should feel guilty for this. In a _very_ distant way.

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a/n: please review!!! 


	23. Chapter 23

YAY!!!!!!!! NO MORE WRITER'S BLOCK!

I HAVE SO LITTLE OF WRITERS BLOCK THAT I AM POSTING TWO CHAPTERS AT ONCE! AMAZING, ISN'T IT? alright, enough caps lock, but I'm totally excited. This chapter here took me since my last update and the next chapter took me a few hours, just to show the dramatic difference.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters within it.

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SASORI POV

We've been walking for quite a while now and finally we are approaching where everything could be made or broken. About a mile back we suppressed our chakra to the point where it should be only a small fraction of our normal strength. It's not good if we get surprised by an attack, but it's perfect for surprising someone else, especially the man that we mean to surprise. Kabuto has been very well behaved, which is disturbing in a way, seeing as how normally he wouldn't take an order without questioning the motive, or something like that. I think that it bothers Deidara more though, he can't bring himself to give an order to Kabuto, or even talk to the kid. I don't know if Kabuto would even respond though, to normal conversation, his eyes seem so distant.

That same mile back that we suppressed our chakra was the first real order that I gave Kabuto that he actually seemed to have an answer to. I told him on a bridge that we crossed that we would meet there for our relays from now on. He seemed to wonder why we would meet so far away from Orochimaru. I tried to explain that it's in akatsuki's best interest. He didn't question that.

Deidara moves an inch closer and leans against my shoulder. Kabuto gives him a look as if he were trying to kill me. It's almost as if Kabuto doesn't recognize Deidara, or maybe he just doesn't trust Deidara any more, either way it's a little sad. I rest my hand on Deidara's, and he instantly grips my hand tightly. I kiss his forehead and whisper, "You realize that when I come around here to meet up with him I won't be able to bring you, not usually. This will be information between Sir Leader and myself."

"I know, un," Deidara frowns, "but we'll still be working together otherwise, right Sasori-danna?"

I smile at him, "Of course, Deidara. I wouldn't have taken this job if I didn't get to be with you still."

He gives me a beaming smile at that, "Thanks Sasori-danna, un!"

I laugh lightly and ruffle his hair, "You worry too much."

"I don't worry too much," he pouts at me, "especially when it comes to you and your recklessness, un."

I frown this time, "You think _I'm_ reckless?"

"Yep, un," he smiles.

"You're the one that flies around on a clay bird," I point out.

"And I'm completely safe when I do, un, I am the one I in control then."

"Sure you are, and that's why you took that nose dive a couple of weeks ago."

"Now that's just not fair, un," he pouts again, a very cute pout.

"It's quite fair," I retort, "since I am not reckless, despite what you say."

"Sure you aren't, Sasori-danna," he rolls his eyes.

The conversation could have lasted hours more, but a powerful chakra signature, not even trying to hide, is approaching us suddenly from the direction we're headed. It has to be him. I hold out my arm to stop Deidara, as I stop myself. While Deidara runs roughly into my arm, Kabuto manages to stay exactly two steps behind us, as he has been the entire time. Deidara and I step back so that we are next to Kabuto.

"Is it time, Sasori?" Kabuto looks up at me with those ghostly dark eyes, un-shining and unforgiving.

I concentrate for a moment on just that signature and though it's more powerful by a small amount from when I knew him, it's definitely Orochimaru. I nod.

Kabuto bows to me, "Take care of what you told me you would do."

I pull a kunai and cut his cheek just deep enough that it allows a single droplet to fall like a bright red tear, leaving a trail that looks like line of dark paint on his face. He leans down then and smears some dirt around on his face, careful of his cut. I rip the shoulder of his sleeve and step back. He looks more like boy that was orphaned by a war than a dangerous weapon.

I nod at him and he nods back at me, bowing, and walking off toward that dangerous power and the more dangerous owner of the power. Deidara and I go ahead, finding some cover near a clearing that should be where the two meet up. I completely suppress my chakra, and then Deidara does the same. Soon the snake makes his ugly face seen, and I can't help the shiver that runs through me. Deidara's arms wrap tightly around my waist and I lean silently back against his chest. I turn in time to see him smile and then we both turn toward Orochimaru.

Orochimaru stops suddenly and then Kabuto stumbles into the clearing, Orochimaru turning to watch him. Orochimaru seems completely unconcerned with the boy as Kabuto looks up, jumping to attention, pulling out a weapon, throwing the weapon, and missing terribly.

Orochimaru approaches him and catches his hands easily. Orochimaru says nothing as he studies Kabuto, looking into the child's eyes. I start to worry for Kabuto's life when suddenly Orochimaru smirks.

"What's your name, boy?" the snake hisses out.

Kabuto tilts his head up to look Orochimaru in the eyes, "Kabuto."

"Kabuto, eh?" Orochimaru chuckles darkly then, "Well, you're a little worse for wear, aren't you Kabuto?"

He nods, "I guess so…"

I see Orochimaru reach a hand out from under his grand clothing and his sleeve pulls back to reveal nothing but a hand and an extremely pale wrist. His thumb runs gently over Kabuto's cheek, wiping the blood from his cheek. Kabuto doesn't flinch, which is great, since most people would if touched by Orochimaru. I smile inwardly, he's doing amazingly.

Orochimaru licks the blood from his thumb and smiles, "Will you follow me, Kabuto? Will you become my follower in my village?"

"Do I have a choice?" Kabuto snaps and I wince. That's the real Kabuto showing.

The snake laughs, and it's not a joyous sound, "Of course you do, but if you decline I will just leave you here, and it seems that you wouldn't last too long like this."

Kabuto shakes his head, "I'll go with you."

Orochimaru smiles, "Good."

And they're gone in a simple burst of chakra.

I lean further back into Deidara's arms, heaving a sigh, "Now we have to hope for the best. He'll be dead if he's found out."

"And if he isn't killed, un?" Deidara asks.

"There'll be worse hell to pay," I lean back and right into a kiss from Deidara.

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a/n: your reviews kept me writing before, lets keep me writing more! 


	24. Chapter 24

And here's the second chapter i promised

Disclaimer: I still own nothing of Naruto

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OROCHIMARU POV 

A power signature stops me in a vast clearing in this overgrown forest. I watch the direction that the approaching power is coming from and see some minor rustling leaves and twigs above the person's head. If they're trying to sneak up on me they're doing a terrible job, but nevertheless anyone that dares to approach me knowingly intrigues me. Besides, this level of power poses no threat to me.

I watch whom I thought was a daring man stumble into the clearing just to find out it's only a child. I do not let such a trivial fact phase me as he spots me, though, and still watch him like a snake watches it's prey. The boy pulls out a kunai and tries to hit me with it, but it soars past my head, a foot to the left, and slams into a tree somewhere a few feet behind me.

I approach the boy as he goes for a second weapon and catch both his hands easily in one of mine. He looks up to me like a blind man would try to gaze into the face of someone that grabs his arms. The boy seems to be looking straight through me, and not necessarily in a sense that he feels I'm lowly, just in the sense that makes me almost feel as if he doesn't know I'm here in front of him. His eyes try to focus for a moment and they break through the haze, for a split second only, but in that split second I see how much of a fighter he is. I allow a dark smile to spread across my features. He's perfect.

"What's your name, boy?" I ask, my "s" sibilant as always.

He tilts his head up to look at me, and his eyes finally manage to stay on mine, as if in sudden transformation, "Kabuto."

"Kabuto, eh?" I laugh at the fact that he continues to struggle with these clouded eyes and the fact that someone thought I would not notice, "Well, you're a little worse for wear, aren't you Kabuto?"

He nods slowly, as if he has to concentrate to do so, "I guess so…"

I raise my hand to rub my thumb against the wound on Kabuto's cheek. The blood seems darker than it should be. The boy doesn't even register the touch, which I made exceptionally harsh. Either he has a high tolerance for pain or he's being controlled like a living puppet.

I lick the blood from my thumb and taste the poison within him and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. This is a weak jutsu, and with my poison and anti-poison bites it would be no problem to undo such a weak mind control. I look into Kabuto's eyes once more as I offer, "Will you follow me, Kabuto? Will you become my follower in my village?"

"Do I have a choice?" Kabuto snaps at me and I laugh from the guts this kid has.

"Of course you do," I shrug, "but if you decline I will just leave you here, and it seems that you wouldn't last too long like this."

Kabuto shakes his head too fast, as if he _has_ to come with me, "I'll go with you."

I smile, "Good."

I grab onto his shoulder and we instantly are back at my hideout. When we arrive he watches me expectant and searching and I know now for sure that he was poisoned, somehow. I make a few simple hand signs and grin before biting his neck. He jumps at the sudden contact but still doesn't seem to register any pain. I let my chakra run through my teeth and into his body, working as an anti-venom to whatever is there within him.

He starts to scream in pain, but no one here will pay any attention to the noise. It's not like pained screams are all that uncommon here. Between testing my jutsu and making my people stronger everyone has become accustomed to the sound. I watch him writhe on the ground, after falling down hard on his knees. I get behind him and hold him still just in time for him to wretch out whatever was in his stomach onto the floor right where I had been standing. His body starts to spasm and I squeeze him in my arms so he doesn't hurt himself any more than he's already being hurt internally.

When the spasms pass I relax my grip and he turns to me in confusion.

"Do you know what happened to you?" I lean back, no longer holding him but still kneeling behind him.

He steadies himself on shaky arms, nodding, "I could see what I was doing… but I had no control over my body. It was like being brainwashed. I couldn't think for myself, no matter how hard I tried," he looks genuinely sad as he babbles, "I can't believe they did this to me… they said they would make me their equal and instead they betrayed me. I trusted them, I trusted Sasori…" His voice is broken and while I admit that hearing Sasori's name is a bit of an eye opener I knew that akatsuki would eventually come after me. How wonderful to turn it against them. From the look in Kabuto's eyes I know that I'm in a window of opportunity and I make my move.

I push some hair out of his face and gently wrap an arm around him again. He leans against my arm gratefully and looks up at me with too big of eyes, "What did you do to me?"

I shake my head, "Nothing drastic, just a simple anti-venom."

His eyes slip closed, then shoot open, the effort showing, but there's panic in his face, "I won't be used again!" He starts to struggle against my arm holding him, "No one will use me again!"

I sigh, letting go of all but his wrist, "I will not promise you equality," I level his eyes and mine, "but with your power I can promise you that you will be important, as a person, if you prove yourself loyal to me."

He looks into my eyes with a sense of determination that only those who have nothing to lose can have, "I will."

I smile at him, "I know."

His eyes droop, and close again, but this time he can't open them again as he falls into a deep sleep. I pick up his slender body and move it to a spare room that's next to mine. I've been saving the room for a long time. All the people here I have promised power to, and I have managed to give it to them, but this one I have promised important. I'm sure that he'll live up to my expectations, because while this may have been the same story as what Sasori did to him I will make sure that he is treated higher than the rest of them. Something may come of having this one on my side, and I don't want to lose such a tool. The only other room close to mine that is occupied by any one of importance is the next one down occupied by a young boy as well, named Kimimaro. Both of these boys will come in handy later. I just know it.

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a/n: do i need to get on my hands and knees to beg for reviews, because I'm prepared to do it! (winkwink) No... I'm serious 


	25. Chapter 25

a/n: I'm back!! I'm sorry to say that I'm back with a filler, but I am back. You see, I was on vacation last week, this week I've been working, and then everything else was just... yea... really busy... so I'm so so so so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer is same as always

please review!

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HIDAN POV

I lull my head to one side while lying on my back on the bed and watch as Kakuzu shrugs on a cloak, coming out of the bathroom. I see the stitches all over his body and every time I see them it makes me wonder how he ever manages to stay clean with all those openings. It either is very difficult, very painful, or both of those. He looks over to me, and I look away. Kakuzu has never been one for talking, and he especially seems to hate it when I ask him questions…

… not that that stops me or anything, "Does it hurt when you take a shower?"

He looks over at me as if I had just sprouted a second head, "What?"

"With all that stitching, does it hurt when you shower?"

He shakes his head more in disbelief than anything else, "No."

"Really?" I am genuinely surprised, "looks like it would hurt like a son of a bitch."

Kakuzu just glowers at me, "Well, it doesn't."

I turn onto my stomach so that I'm not facing him and his judging eyes. I don't see how Sir Leader could have ever approved _us_ as a team. If it were possible for me to die, I'm sure Kakuzu would have killed me by now, many times. He's already attempted to more times than I can count on one hand. Yet still, sometimes I do see what Sir Leader was planning, when Kakuzu and I just are alone and he opens up to me a little. It's nice to know that I'm the only living person that he's opened up to. Then again, I'm the only person that could survive the way he gets emotional.

I wrap my fingers around my rosary as he comes closer and I hear him give a disapproving sigh, "How could you be so religious? I don't get how a person could ever believe in something that obviously does not exist."

"What obviously doesn't exist?"

"A god."

"Bullshit."

"Says you!"

"You're right, says me." A pause. "You're such an asshole, Kakuzu."

"I know," he grins down at me before he wraps his face up. I don't get why even in our room he has to wrap his face up. I don't mind, and it's not like there's anyone else here to see it. Except himself.

"Do you hate yourself, Kakuzu?" I am a man that does not think before I talk, and I know that that doesn't help my relationship with Kakuzu, but what can I say? I get curious.

He looks down at me, "Of course not."

"Then why do you cover your face when there's no reason to?"

He tears off the cover, "That better?"

"I didn't say that it was bad, I was just wondering why you hid your face," I look up to his reversed-colored eyes and add, "I like it either way."

He frowns, "Stop it, Hidan."

I look up innocently, "Stop what?"

"Trying to suck up to me."

"I'm not trying to suck up to you, trust me."

"How can I trust you?"

"I thought we were partners."

"Only because Sir Leader is forcing us to be," he yells down at me, and it's the first real time that I've heard him yell this way. Sure he's yelled before, but it all seemed so halfhearted, and I don't know what I did to piss him off.

I just quiet down and squeeze my rosary, silently praying to Jashin. I pray a lot to Jashin for the smallest of things these days. Being with Kakuzu has only made me pray more, and I think it's because I'm constantly trying to pray for us both.

He sits down on his bed and picks up some accounting book or something of the sort, and starts reading it over, picking up a pen every now and again and making small marks or notes. It's quiet for almost fifteen minutes when he seems to be on the verge of yelling again. He turns his eyes to me, but I'm only praying in my head still, watching him out of the corner of my eye. He sneers in my direction before going back to reading for a minute more. He then shuts the book with a slam, "You know I didn't mean to upset you."

I finish my praying quickly and turn to him, "You sure fooled me."

He looks down at his book and sets it aside, mumbling, "It hurts sometimes."

"Huh?"

"It hurts to shower sometimes, when I get too much soap in a recent stitching."

"I knew it," I grin.

"Tell anyone and I'll…"

"You'll what, kill me?" I grin.

He growls and then grins, "Even better, I'll tear off your head and hide it in a box in the closet."

"And my body?"

"I'll just hope that Zetsu's hungry."

"Now that's just being a bastard," I frown.

"Glad to hear it."

There's a pause and then I ask, "Have you heard anything lately about that kid that Sasori is controlling?"

"Not since last month's message."

"Damn, can't believe that it's been almost a year that that kid's been over there and still that Orochimaru is none the wiser."

Kakuzu sighs, "Not that it matters to us."

"Not directly, but you know what's bad for Akatsuki ends up being bad for you and me."

"Sure," he nods, "especially financially."

"Finances… only you could care about our _finances_."

He growls, "You have a problem with that."

"Sure I do!" I turn to him, "You're boring as fuck when you start up about your finance shit."

"Maybe you should care more about them," he snaps.

"And maybe you should care less, but I don't see you ignoring them." He frowns and throws a pen at me and I shake my head, "Well that was childish." This time a kunai hits me square in the shoulder, and I can't help but grin, "That's more like it." He sneers again and this time hits me in the jaw with a kunai. I yank it out with a wince and put my hand to my jaw. I pull it back and even before I see it I know my fingers are coated in blood. "What was that all about?" As I speak and I can feel the muscles in my jaw strain and break, and I know that talking will be out of the question soon.

He smiles, "It's gonna get you to shut up, isn't it?" I can see the killer glint in his eyes and I choose to keep my mouth shut. He nods, "Thought so."

I hear him continue to gloat over his victory on getting me to shut up, but I just block it out with more praying. Praying makes me heal faster, because Jashin looks more kindly on those who pray more, and He's more willing to give up His time to those who pray the most. I must be one of the elite few, since He always seems to have time to heal me quickly when I really shouldn't. I continue to ignore Kakuzu much past my praying until it gets so annoying that I just get up.

He watches me as I stand and cross the room towards him. I'm sure he expects me to attack him in retaliation for what he's been saying, but instead I just press my lips to his. He wasn't expecting anything like that. I let my blood flow into his mouth and I know when his eyes glaze in bloodlust that he's tasting it with every movement of my mouth. I kiss him until he's choking on my blood and he's pushing me away. He never pushes me away for long.

I don't remember him moving, but suddenly I'm on the bed and looking up at his face, blood covering his chin from kissing me, some small ruby drops splattering onto my shirt. I would curse if it didn't hurt to move my jaw. Somehow I always end up getting my shirt ruined, even when we're not on a mission. Half the time I don't even bother putting one on anymore. He watches those little red droplets, though, with great interest as they hit the fabric of my shirt and turn into black puddles that spread until all the liquid has soaked in. The first one has started to dry by the time he breaks himself from the entrancing liquid and looks back up to me.

To most looking into his face right now they would say he may be angry, or possibly even a little disappointed, but I know better. This is the face that he shows when he really does care for someone, but something is clouding his judgment and he knows that he's going to hurt that someone that he cares about. It's almost a pitiful look to me, now that I understand it, but I think that I'm alone in my pity for him. It's no real loss, but it still makes me wonder what it would have been like to have known him when he was younger.

I have no time to really think about this as he swoops down and kisses me roughly once more. I wince as not only his tongue but those little tendrils that hold him together sneak into my mouth. That's something that he's started doing lately: using those tendrils to entertain himself. I don't really think that they're that entertaining… but that's just me, and my opinion doesn't matter, not when it comes to this any ways.

He pulls back finally, just when my lungs feel like deflating balloons about to lose the last of their air, or pop, and they can't decide which. My chest burns as I gasp for breath, but my body never has time to recover before the next strike. Kakuzu leers down at me, watching my every move as he throws his shirt into some forgotten corner of the room. I see the stitching across his body, the familiar patterns of it as it compresses and stretches when he moves the muscles that I've never seen beneath. I'm not even sure if he has real innards, which makes me think that that's why he takes such an interest in investigating mine, and everyone else's, but particularly mine. Every time this starts I brace myself for the one time that he either cuts me open or roughly pushes and pulls against some part of my body. I whimper as those calloused hands of his begin to explore my body, probing places that no one but Kakuzu and myself have touched, which isn't saying much since few people ever get near me, but I consider my body almost as sacred as Jashin's body, though I know that is not the case.

His body moves as if he were doing a drawn out push up as he moves down to kiss my neck. I gasp as those rough stitches run down my body, and almost yelp in pain as one catches a previous wound that Kakuzu has dealt me, one that is almost healed and that I haven't bothered to wrap for the day just yet. He lifts a little, kindly, feeling the stick, but he only lifts so he can move further down my body and to my collar bone, just able to reach it with his teeth. He bites down all at once, hard enough to bruise, but it's strange, because I've learned to love it when he does this. When he actually takes the time to care a little bit about how I feel, or at least that's what I tell myself because for all I know he has no idea the pleasure that this brings me. When he cares for me like this I can almost trick myself into the idea that this isn't going to hurt me. Yet it always does. Always.

The pain starts when he manages to get my shirt completely off, which is what he's in the process of doing. That's when he chooses either dissection or probing for his form of pleasure, and everything just seems to drown in the all too pleasurable and yet all too blasphemous pain. I understand that pain for the sake of Jashin is allowed, and it is law, but when Kakuzu does these horrible things to me, somehow that is pleasurable too. I want to be on his good side, since we do have to sort of work together, and this bonding of sorts helps.

His teeth find that previous bruise and they bite down, this time allowing the bruise to escape me, blood beading at the top of the wound and dribbling down my side. He grins with fascination, his eyes following the rivulets of blood as they journey across my body and onto the sheets. I grunt as his nails find the wound that his stitching had caught on and he gently slides a nail across it. Gently just doesn't seem like him and I look back up into his eyes, earlier avoiding them. His eyes look straight back into mine and I see that he still has that look that forces pity into my heart. He doesn't necessarily want to hurt me, this is just the way he plays, so to speak.

His tendrils reach up inside the wound, but his hand stays perfectly still as his other one moves his pants down just low enough to accommodate what he really wants right now. He's obviously ready as he moves to hover over my groin, the tendril leaving my body as his hands roughly work to lower my pants now.

I gasp as the cool air of the room hits my heated flesh, and I find it hard to remember when I got this excited. Things rarely are pain without pleasure, but the line is so fine between the two that I can't really tell which is which at times. He grins, his groin grinding against mine as I gasp again and buck my hips to meet his.

His tendrils resume their job of probing me, but again his hands do not follow. It's sort of a nice change to things, all the pain turning to pleasure as his mouth licks and bruises my chest. He travels lower and lower until he's over my stomach, over the wound. I'm afraid of what may happen now, but I'm also eager with anticipation at it as well. He licks the stray blood all the way over to my sides and then brings his mouth, still coated in my blood, back up to kiss me. I taste the copper tinge of my blood against his lips and then through that I taste the sharper taste of him, if it's possible to be sharper tasting than blood. I groan into his mouth but the sound is lost in his throat, only he knows that the sound has been made.

As he continues to make the kiss deeper I feel things lower on him push my legs up, which I comply with quite willingly, and then he lines himself up with my entrance. I yell in pain as he forces himself inside as fast as he can and with no preparation. I can't say there was no warning, because when he pressed the way he did I should have known better, but all the same that doesn't take away from the scorching pain that runs through my ass and up my spine. I grasp onto his back, nails digging in hard enough to draw blood from him that is soon coating my finger tips. He pulls away from the kiss then, head tilting back at the sensation of all the sweet pleasure and pain mixing into one.

I grin up at him as he pulls back and thrusts inside me once more, grunting with the effort inside my tight muscles, though my blood now eases the way. He purrs a little, a strange sound coming from him, as he thrusts again and again, finding the rhythm that he wants and sticking with it. His hands continue to behave themselves all the way up until he pushes my legs back for a better angle. Then I loose track of his hands as he hits that little bundle of nerves in me that leaves me seeing white and yelping. I moan out his name as he strikes it again, and now that his thrusts consistently hit there I no longer care what he does to my body.

I vaguely feel his fingers playing along my shoulder muscles, my jaw muscles clenched and in pain. On my shoulder I can feel the muscles sliding along his fingers and I can only imagine what inner questions he is answering for himself.

It's not long with him hitting that little bundle of nerves within before he takes me over the edge and despite their soreness my jaw muscles shoot open as I cry his name. I feel, only moments later, his orgasm as warmth spreads inside me where it should never touch.

He stays above me for a moment before sliding out of me and laying down on his side next to me, one hand still on my shoulder but no longer inside me. I look into his eyes when I finally get the strength to turn my head and they seem lost almost. I've gotten used to this sight. It's the one that he gets when he's not sure if he's gone too far or not. And he says he doesn't care about me.

I can't find the strength to shift onto my side, but I do move so that my side is pressed along the length of his body. He doesn't smile, he doesn't show any real signs of happiness at this, but his arm snakes over my body more possessively and his eyes soften quite a bit. And he says he doesn't care about me. Hah.


	26. Chapter 26

thank you for your patience, here is the new chapter!

disclaimer same as usual!

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ITACHI POV

I watch Kisame sit down on the bed across from mine. Him and I have been partners for quite a while now, so we've grown accustomed to ignoring each other. As I scribble away at some tactics he chooses to take a shower and get ready for a nap. Yeah, ignoring each other is good, I'm sure that if we hadn't learned to ignore each other one of us would be dead. And it wouldn't be me.

Kisame looks up at the halt in my writing, but I quickly start to write to cover up my staring. Kisame grins and acts like nothing has happened, but continues to watch me. I can feel his eyes boring into me, who does he think he's fooling? To humor him I glance up, just to sigh in annoyance and look back down to my work. Our last mission was yesterday, and we almost missed grabbing the objective. I'm looking for where we could have made a mistake.

"You know, Itachi," Kisame sighs this time, "almost not getting the objective doesn't mean we did something wrong, maybe they just did something right."

"Then I'll find what they did right," I grunt.

Kisame slinks over towards me, "You work too hard."

"And you're lazy, what else is new?" I don't even bother looking up.

"You're also grumpy," he grins, sitting next to me.

"And you're just as nosy as ever," I finally look up to him, but only a glance.

"It's my specialty," he laughs, showing off his razor sharp teeth. He stops laughing quickly when he sees that I'm not impressed, and then he frowns, shaking his head, "Alright, I get it, I'll leave you alone."

I watch him start to stand, then stop, look over at me indecisively, and then go back to getting up. He crosses the room to his bed and flops down on it unceremoniously. I roll my eyes, but go back to my common ritual of ignoring him. It doesn't take long for him to get restless, tossing and turning as if there is no comfortable position on this planet in which to lie in. He moans and groans on and off, and even this I ignore.

He turns to me, "How long has it been since the Akatsuki really made any major moves?"

I flick my eyes to him, "A year and seven months, ever since that kid was taken in by Sasori and then sent away."

"Wonder what that snake it up to. The kid can fend for himself though… You think you should be checking up on your brother some time soon, I mean before we get swamped with work?" I snap a look at him, flashing daggers with my eyes… if only they could be literal daggers.

"I'll wait a couple of months," I shake my head.

"Why?"

"Because, he'll almost be old enough to become a real shinobi then. I want to know if he's improved, enough at least that he could match me some day."

"How long's it been?"

"Years."

"How many."

"…" I just glare more.

He holds up his hands, "I didn't mean anything by it, just wondering."

"It's none of your business," I growl.

"You know it's very much so my business… anything that bothers you is my business," he frowns.

I look up at him and I don't know what I would have said because I'm frozen by the look he is giving me. Part pity, part sadness, and part something I can't even identify. I watch this expression and I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I just frown, "I don't want your pity."

"Too bad," he turns to bury his head in his pillow. I can hear him grumble some more into his pillow, probably profanity, but I don't bother trying to understand it, and instead go back to figuring out where we almost lost our goal.

I hear rustling across the room, and then silence. More rustling, more silence. After the third time I'm ready to throw a kunai at him. After the fourth I throw one in warning above his head.

He yelps, "What was that for?"

"Could you possibly be any noisier?"

"Yes."

"Well don't bother. If you're trying to annoy me it should make you feel better to know you succeeded."

"I wasn't trying to annoy you, Itachi," I look up to him finally and while he's a little pale around the gills, literally, his blue color is returning to normal, but that's not unexpected. What is, is that same look that he had been giving me before.

"Stop that."

"What?"

"I can't stand that look, it's sickening coming from you."

"Why?"

"Because you of all people should know I hate that sort of look, especially when it's aimed at me."

He sighs and lays his head back on his pillow, still looking at me, "I'm sorry, Itachi, but I sometimes forget that you're a lot older at heart than you look. When I first met you, you weren't even of legal age to drink. I wanted nothing to do with you because I thought you'd just be a little brat. Yet the first day you got here you and I were paired up and the first thing you told me was that you had killed your entire family except your brother. You went into excruciating detail and warned me that that was what would happen to me if I got in your way. Most of the time I see the killer in you Itachi, but sometimes I see that young face, from the first time I saw you, and I just think of you as the kid that you were."

"You never knew me when I was a kid," I growl.

"No, but I can imagine," he smirks, "you'd be the kid that was perfect and that everyone wanted to be. You'd have had the best grades with the best parents who had the best jobs and the best rolls in society. You would be who everyone wanted to have as a big brother, or even a little brother. But you'd have been quiet. I could never picture you as being very talkative."

I shrug, "I'm talkative around you… or so you say."

"You're talkative for _you _around me, but you still say not even half of the words that I do."

I shrug again, "So?"

He shakes his head, "Never mind."

"You seem jealous."

"What?" he looks at me incredulously.

"When you said that I was the "best" with the "best of everything" you seemed jealous," I shrug.

"Not everyone had an easy childhood like you, Itachi."

"I know."

"Then you shouldn't bring up crap that happened in the past," he glares at me this time.

"You did," I point out.

He huffs and turns his head away from me, staring at the opposite wall of the room.

I look back to the plans that I have laid out in front of me, but I don't have any idea where I left off now. I sigh and toss them aside, annoyed and not having anything I can do about it. I sigh and rub my face with my hands, through my fingers I can see Kisame still watching me all the while. I put my hands down and by the time that I do his eyes are closed, and it looks like he's asleep, but I know better. I just turn and ignore him, picking up a book that Sasori let me borrow not too long ago. Good lighting is far too much to ask for from Sir Leader in these underground rooms, so I light a few candles and turn away from Kisame towards the table so I can see with them better. The print in the book is small, and it doesn't take long before the lighting starts to blur the pages. Or maybe it's just me. Lately I've noticed that when I'm coming back from missions my vision is blurred when I don't have my sharingan eyes. Since the only place I don't have my sharingan in use is the room it isn't that big of a deal, but the thought of losing my sight is new to me, and in a place deep inside my mind it scares me, just a little. It's not that I can't function, but I want to be at my best when my brother avenges our clan, or tries. I want to put up the best fight I can.

Kisame notices me rubbing my eyes, he has to by now, as I feel him approaching me from behind. I feel one of his arms circle around my chest, and his head comes up alongside mine as he blows out the candles. I turn to glare at him.

"I was reading," I state.

He frowns, "Your eyes are hurting again, aren't they?"

"Not badly, it's just the damned small print," I complain.

"I can read it perfectly," Kisame points out.

"Good for you."

"But not for you," he moves so that he's holding me from behind. I would normally struggle out of his grip, again with the pity, but when I've found myself annoyed by my gradual and _minute_ vision loss in the past he always seems to know how to make things better, and making him want to go away isn't going to help. He moves his face to my neck and covers my eyes with one hand. I know that I could activate the sharingan and be able to see every crack and curve of his hand, but not activating my eyes is the whole point of this. "Relax," he whispers onto my neck, and I feel a little tension slip out of me that I wasn't aware of before.

His fingers move to brush over my eyes, and I'm forced to close them. He moves his mouth to my shoulder and nips at me through my shirt. I gasp and try to open my eyes, only to find his hand moving to cover them again.

"Keep your eyes closed, you strain them too much," he commands.

"I don't like not being able to see."

"If you're not careful you'll go blind, then you won't be able to see at all."

"That won't happen."

"Are you willing to take that chance?" I know he's won, I will never admit it to him though, so I remain silent. He sighs against the back of my neck and then moves his hands to my shoulders and starts to rub at the knots in my muscles, massaging them so they slowly shrink under his talented hands. He told me once that as a swordsman he was taught to massage the body, since their muscles got so tight from their weapons. I don't really care why he learned to do this, but he's wonderful at it, and even I let my guard down under his skilled hands.

"You're all knotted up, Itachi," he scolds softly.

"I don't even notice," I shrug.

"Don't do that, you'll just get tense again," he pushes down sharply on my shoulders, sharp enough that it hurts.

"And if you do _that_ again you'll learn what it feels like to be tied into a knot," I growl.

"I didn't mean to," he huffs out, allowing his lips then to brush over my shoulders in turn, "I just can't stand seeing you in pain. You know that, right Itachi?"

"Hn," I smirk.

"What's so funny about me caring?"

"It's hilarious when anyone cares for me," I turn to look at him.

"I don't care what you did in the past, Itachi," he looks me straight in the eyes, "I trust you now."

"Fool," I sneer.

"Maybe, but I'm a fool that cares about you, now close your eyes and relax," he finally is mad enough to growl at me.

There's a long pause in which I turn back around and close my eyes as his hands continue their path over my pained shoulders. He gently moves down onto my upper back by the time that I answer, "I'll never admit anything to any one."

"You're welcome, Itachi, you're welcome," he turns me around and before I can open my eyes his lips are on mine, for a brief moment, and then they're gone. I open my eyes to find myself turned around again, but his arms are around my stomach and his cheek is pressed to my back. "I'm here for you, Itachi, whenever we go on our next mission, whenever we have a day off, and especially whenever we go to see your brother. I know how much it tears you up, whether you admit it or not. I'm here for you."

I don't bother responding, there's nothing left to say in my book. I don't know what he would want to hear anyways… that I could never say the same back? That I could never feel that way about him? This is why I never bother to attach myself to anyone. This isn't the way people deserve to be treated, even I know that, but this is the only way I can ever treat someone else. This is how I can be the best killing machine that Konoha has ever seen. Maybe I'm the worst person, but I'm effective, and despite my harsh attitude, if you make an alliance with me I will hold to it. I'm not as heartless as people think, and Kisame knows that, he even figured it out on his own. So did my brother, but he was the other way around. I did love my brother, and I don't know why I spared his life. Maybe it is so one day he can avenge our clan. Maybe I do have a death wish, but certainly I don't feel it at the moment. Why would I give up a life in which I hold so much power?

I feel Kisame turn to nuzzle into my back. His arms tighten quickly before they loosen, in a sort of hug. That's the one thing that I hate about Kisame. He has strength, talent, and even power, but he doesn't have to let go of his emotions for them. Maybe he is a superior breed… he certainly isn't completely human. None of the swordsmen of the mist are, from my understanding. The few that I've met and the others that Kisame describe to me, they all seem to be the offspring of monsters. Maybe it's just that I've been around monsters long enough to know, just like that old saying it takes one to know one. I'm proud to be able to say that I'm strong, powerful, and even monstrous, because that's what people should think about me. They wouldn't be far from the truth, just not exactly right on either.

"What are you thinking about now?" Kisame huffs out.

"My reputation," I turn to him.

"What about it?" Kisame's hands move to my shoulders, showing that he does not intend to move away.

"Nothing important," I shake my head.

"It is important if it gets you this tense again this fast," he scolds.

"I'm just thinking about the name that I've left for myself. I'm proud of it."

"Really?" Kisame laughs, "You want to be known as a member of Akatsuki?"

I shake my head, "Not that. It's that I'm known as a monster, as a legend."

"For killing people."

"Whatever it takes to have the power to be remembered."

"You definitely have different logic than me."

"To each his own."

"That's more like you."

"What?"

"Talking in four words or less," he grins.

I glare at him and he finally retreats back to his own bed. He lies down next to his pillow, pulling it to his stomach and then gracelessly flopping down on top of it. He is elevated just enough by the pillow as to not suffocate despite his head pointing straight down. Soon his breathing has evened out and I'm back to ignoring him. I pick up my scroll that I had been writing on before and relight the candles to see. My eyes are instantly strained by the dim lighting in the room so I take Kisame's advice and give up, for the time being. I can always take it to the cafeteria later, and look it over. At least there, there aren't any interruptions. I think about that and realize something: I'm starting to not mind those little interruptions.

I've been hanging around Kisame too long. I'm getting soft.

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a/n: please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	27. Chapter 27

yay! TWO chapters in ONE day!!!

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DEIDARA POV

It's been a couple of years since sending Kabuto to Orochimaru, and so far things seem to be going well. Akatuski has been quiet for a while, though that's apparently to see if Orochimaru will make the first move. We're not sure, but we think he might be planning on making a move against someone else first. He's apparently building his own village and setting up a great number of people that will be warriors. Most of them, according to Kabuto, just have no where else to go, and so they listen to the snake obediently as dogs. I think it's kind of sickening, but Sasori-danna says that that's just how some people are.

We get constant updates that seem to be running Sasori-danna around like mad. They don't let him take many breaks and the breaks that he does get are short. We may not be making any large steps in our goals, but that doesn't mean that we aren't still working.

Danna kisses my cheek from behind me, lying down on our bed. I say "our" bed because a couple of weeks ago we agreed to push our two smaller beds together to make one large one, since we were spending so much time in one of the smaller beds or the other one. I feel his fingers in my hair and I lean back so my head is in his lap and I'm staring straight up to the ceiling.

I look up the long line of his body to see him smiling down at me, and I smile back. He puts the book he had been finishing off down, "Done."

I pull him so he's sitting, and then so he's leaning over me, kissing his lips, "Was it good, un?"

He nods, "It was alright. The story was great, a disappointing ending though."

"Mmm" I stretch, "Too bad, un."

He shrugs, "It doesn't bother me too much."

A knock on the door surprises us, but not too much. I groan and stand up, opening the door to see Kisame looming over me.

He grins at me, "Hey, Deidara."

"Yo, Kisame," I wave, "what's up, un?"

He leans against the doorframe, "Itachi is looking to make a trip to see his younger brother in Konoha, but I'm going on a mission with Zetsu. He'll probably be asking one of you two to go, since he can't stand Hidan and Kakuzu is out on a solo mission."

"Who _can_ stand Hidan?" Sasori-danna laughs.

"Fair enough," Kisame chuckles.

Sasori-danna shakes his head and sighs then, "I won't be able to go. I'm waiting for a message to come in on a relay from Kabuto."

Kisame turns to me, "Well, Deidara?"

"I'll go if he asks me, un," I shrug, "but there's something in my gut that tells me he hates me."

"He doesn't hate you, Deidara, he just doesn't _like_ anyone," Kisame sighs, "but thanks. He needs someone to go with him. He may not admit it, but I think it hurts him to see his brother suffering."

"But again, un, he hates me, what can I do?" I ask.

Kisame shakes his head, "The only person in Akatsuki that Itachi ever hated was Orochimaru. He even has admitted to not completely hating Hidan, but that was to Hidan's face, so you never know there. He doesn't hate you though, I promise."

"How can you be so sure, un?"

"He's told me. Mind you, he was out of it when he told me, but he did in fact tell me."

"Did he say something specific, un, or just hint?" I narrow my eyes in skepticism.

"Yeah," Kisame laughs, "he said something specific. He said that you were perfect for Sasori because the two of you are polar opposites, like him and I."

Sasori-danna smirks, "He must have been completely out of it."

Kisame nods, "He was tired, hurt, and sick."

"Wasn't that just a month ago?" my danna asks.

"It was," Kisame grins, then sighs, "well, he just left our room, so I guess I'll see you guys later." With that he leaves, pushing off the doorframe and walking towards the cafeteria, Samehada blocking almost his entire body from view.

I close the door and just wait there. Sasori-danna gives me a questioning glance, but for the most part leaves it alone. Only a moment later there's a knock on the door. I open it and there's Itachi.

He frowns, but nods in greeting, "Deidara."

"Hey, Itachi, un," I wave once.

"Where's Sasori?" he asks bluntly.

I step out of his way and he just takes a step towards the room, not completely entering until he's sure Sasori-danna is there. He turns to my danna, "I need your help."

Sasori-danna shrugs," Sure, only if it's at base though. I've got a relay from Kabuto arriving within the next couple of hours."

Itachi heaves a sigh, then looks at me, "If this were a mission, I wouldn't ask you. I don't trust you at my back, but this isn't a mission."

"Why do you need me then, un?" I glance his direction to see the look of hate on his face.

"Never leave base alone, isn't that what Sir Leader says?" Itachi huffs out at me.

"I'll go with you, un," I nod.

He grunts, sneering, but motions for me to follow him nonetheless, "Grab what you need, we're only going for a couple of hours at most. Get going."

I nod, grab my travel bag with my clay and look to see that he's no longer directly in the room. I give Sasori-danna a quick peck on the cheek and move to the doorway, "Ready, un!"

He rolls his eyes, at my cheeriness I'm sure, and starts walking down the hallway towards the front entrance to the hideout. We stop by his room, but he never bothers to invite me in, not that I need an invitation, there is nothing sacred around here. I don't go in though, I don't want to piss him off any more than he is by the fact that I'm the one he has to do this with. He tore open the door and now I can just catch glimpses of him shuffling some stuff around and ignoring me completely.

He turns to me when he's ready, "Can you use Shunshin no Jutsu?"

"Of course, un," I cross my arms and show him that I can look unaffected and yet annoyed too.

"Meet me two miles from the western border of Konoha. Don't show up there for another couple of minutes. If they think that we're traveling together before we mask our power they may get suspicious," and he's gone. I walk to the front entrance and then follow behind Itachi, arriving only a minute or less after him. When I appear beside him he smirks and motions for me to follow him again, "You surprise me sometimes, Deidara."

"What's that supposed to me, un?" I growl. He can manage to get even me in an ugly mood when he acts so damned superior.

"You followed my orders, after I was rude," Itachi shrugs, "you don't seem the type."

"Being truthful, un, Kisame told us you were going to come by and ask for someone to come here with you. He told me that if I came I would have to watch out for you as if he were here and not me, so I will, un," okay, so Kisame really didn't say all of that, but it's the closest to the truth that I'm willing to tell. No reason for him to think that my soft spot is bigger than he suspects already.

He sneers, "Kisame… He knows I don't need somebody watching out for me."

"I know too, un," I nod, "but if I disobey Kisame… I don't want to know the penalties."

That brings a half smile to his face, "Fair enough. Just don't get us caught."

"I won't, un."

He steps onto a path that is foreign to me, but all of these paths are. I've never been to Konohagakure, so I have to believe that this is one of the paths leading to the gate. Now don't get me wrong, I knew where he meant by the two-mile point, I really did. We study maps of every major village and the surrounding land in Akatsuki, but that doesn't mean that we go there personally. It all looks so different when trees aren't the size of my fingernail. Itachi doesn't even bother to turn to me when he shakes me from my thoughts, "Hide your power, as much as you can. We don't want the lookouts to think we're really as strong as the S-class ninja we are. And if you can, transform into something that would look like just a normal passerby, like a tourist or something."

I roll my eyes, but obey, appearing to have short, blonde hair; black, baggy pants; and a bright white tank top. I watch Itachi change so he has blonde hair as well, which looks out of place on him until I notice the longer length of it that flows to half way down his back. He completes the outfit with a mesh shirt that I swear he's always worn and pants almost just like mine, but not as baggy. I've only ever seen him with his cloak on or with bandages on his upper body around the base so I've never noticed how truly muscular he is for being so thin and something tells me that it isn't an allusion either. Oh, and his face looks younger now, with no lines, wrinkles or anything else. He looks really different, but since I know it is him it's not that great of an allusion to me. He looks over at me with slightly gray colored eyes now and shakes his head.

"What, un?" wondering what I could have done wrong this time.

"Your eye," he comments blandly, "that thing looks so out of place. You'll draw attention."

I just then realize that my mechanical eye is still on, and uncovered because of that. I hit a button that will turn it off and suddenly I'm not so confident, with my huge blind spot that I just created. I try to cover the eye with a transformation and while Itachi seems pleased, I'm not. The eye is blind and I'm not used to that. I turn back to him and keep him on my good side.

He sighs, "Can you even see now?"

"Of course, un!" I cross my arms, "I just can't see out of my left eye."

Itacbi shakes his head, "Then you're impaired, that won't help in a fight. Maybe we should just go back to base."

I shake my head, "No way, un, I'll be fine!"

He stops, searching me with his eyes until he finally seems satisfied, turning away from me and back down the path. The walk is silent, but not awkward. It's just always silent with Itachi, and I'm fine with that. Plus, Kisame said that these trips bother him. I understand a haunting past… I understand it all too well.

When we reach the village gate some guards stop us just inside waiting at a covered table. I only see two of them as we approach the desk that they're motioning us over to. They look between Itachi and I and then ask Itachi, "What is your purpose in Konoha?"

Itachi steps up to the desk, taking the initiative. Maybe he has a story I wasn't told about, "I'm here with my brother. He's blind in one eye, it's a disease that he was born with. It's extremely rare, caused by a birth defect, or so the doctor's say. I promised him that he would travel with me, since that's what I do for my family, I'm a peacekeeper of sorts in my small village and my brother here said he wanted to see the great villages of all the different lands. We just came from Sunagakure."

The guards at the table look me over. I don't' even notice the guard coming up on my left until he brushes my arm, causing me to jump. "Kid ain't lyin'," the guard bursts out laughing, "this one didn't even see me coming." I personally don't see what's so funny.

The guards at the table nod, one smiling and the other one frowning slightly. The frowning one turns to me, "I'm sorry for the delay." He motions toward the city, "Go ahead boys."

Itachi bows, "Thank you."

I bow as well, "Yes, thank you."

Once we are at the center of the hustling street Itachi pulls me to one side and we stand outside a ramen store. He turns to me and laughs, "I know that wasn't acting, but it sure saved us."

"How's that, un?" I ask.

"They're supposed to take a log of everyone that goes in and out. I'm talking passports and everything. We don't have any of that," he chuckles, "if you hadn't been so spooked they wouldn't have forgotten to check for those things."

He doesn't even bother to continue to conversation for we are drawing stares and he quickly pushes me so we are moving on. I start to bump into a ton of people on my left side, not being able to see what exactly is in front of me. Itachi eventually gets tired of apologizing to people, as do I, and shoves me to his right side, his right arm brushing my left to let me know where he is as we walk. Even when we reach a forest path he continues to walk on my left side, though slightly ahead of me and further away. I can see him now and he can act as me left eye for the time being.

I finally gather the nerve to ask, "Where did that story about me having a disease come from, un?"

"Spur of the moment," he shrugs.

"Awesome, un," I grin. He looks back at me like he's about to say something, and then stops, turning away again. I tilt my head at him, "What, un?"

"Nothing," he shakes his head.

I pout, "Won't you at least tell your little brother?" He turns to glare at me and I grin, then his eyes change to that red sharingan and I know I've made a mistake.

He growls at me, "I only have one brother, and one day I'm going to die at his hands. Don't you ever disgrace his name by saying that you're my brother."

From the look that I'm getting if Itachi didn't hate me before he certainly hates me now. I watch as his eyes bleed back to his normal black, and then I watch them in a literal blink of the eye become blue-grayish again, to match mine. It's just then that I notice I haven't been breathing, and I don't dare contemplate what will happen when I do. Slowly my lungs start to sting until I have to chance sucking in just a little air. The moment seems to shatter as Itachi turns away from me and I breathe fully again. I almost gasp, but I muffle the sound in the fear of bringing attention to myself again. We walk in silence for quite a while, his lead over me lengthening quite a bit from before, causing me to falter and trip more often. If there is any way to impress an Uchiha this is certainly not it.

Finally I hear Itachi talk again, and when it isn't my death sentence my heart skips a beat, "I was going to say that you remind me of Kisame."

"Really, un?"

"Yeah," Itachi growls then, "except he thankfully doesn't say 'un' every time he talks. I'd go mad if I were Sasori."

I almost yell I would go crazy if he were Sasori-danna, but I manage to cut that off into, "Of course!" I beam at him, having swallowed the normal 'un' that would follow the sentence. He looks back at me with a glare and then turns back to the road, rolling his eyes.

I look around the best I can and realize that we've strayed really far off from the main road. Itachi must know exactly where we are going because even though he is now slowing a little he is walking with purpose. When he regains his place right inside my line of vision he starts walking at an even pace again and I realize he slowed down for me. Maybe he really doesn't hate me… I must have hit a giant spot in his memory though that is off limits, he never would have screamed like that if I hadn't.

I glance over at him and he doesn't seem to notice. His eyes seem glazed over as he walks, the memories almost visible on those films that have formed over his sight. I realize that his legs are leading him blindly, as if they remember the path all on their own. Maybe they do. Looking at those lost eyes I see something else, something that most people would overlook. Just at the corners I see little droplets that most would consider the moisture of his eyes. But I know Itachi better than most passing him on the street… those are tears. He misses something that's here, or that used to be here. Maybe it's not even something, but someone.

I don't know what stupid thing inside me compels me to move, but I find myself reaching out and brushing my fingers against his sleeve. It must have been my conscious reacting to his sadness. Damn my conscious. Itachi shakes his head, his eyes snapping to me, their usual stoic appearance back in place.

His voice, though, is still quite distant, "What?"

"You okay, un?" I take his arm more firmly, but mostly to make sure I don't trip.

He stops and tries to get his arm back, "Fine."

"You sure, un?"

He glares at me, "I'm fine."

I let go of him, "Alright, un."

A rush of wings behind me startles me. I turn to see a brilliant, red bird with a wingspan as wide as my arms could ever stretch flying into the trees. "Wow… un…"

Itachi watches the bird with awe and that normal mix of hatred, "Those birds were brought here by my father." The last word was clipped.

"They're beautiful, un," I ignore that he clipped his word, seeing no point in just reopening old wounds.

He smiles after the bird, "I remember when Sasuke used to say that too. I never told him, but I like them as well."

I look over to him at those sad words, "Itachi?"

"What?" and he's stoic once more.

I shake my head, "Never mind, un."

"Hn," he scoffs, continuing our path once more. Soon I see our destination, or what must be our destination since it's the only house I've seen since we started into the woods. There's a clear lake a few yards away from the line of trees we're in and past that there is a gigantic house. It's huge, and beautiful, with a dock coming out onto the lake that must have been a good place for the family to gather, but maybe not. Still looks nice, though.

Itachi stops, stopping me with a sudden arm in front of my chest. I run into it, but he doesn't seem to notice, or at least he doesn't seem to care. I don't understand why we stopped at first, until I look out across the water to see a small figure walking out of the back sliding door of the house. The figure doesn't even close the door as it seemingly walks in a daze towards the dock. I watch Itachi's eyes flare to red as he moves behind a tree. I go into some bushes, making sure that between the giant leaves I can still get a good view of both Itachi and who I assume to be his younger brother.

Itachi continues to watch, but whispers to me, "He always seems to come out here when he's upset. He even did that when I was home. This was the last place father would ever look for him, and this was the first place I checked every time."

I nod, turning to the child. He does look like a mini Itachi, with the black hair and the same build. The kid can't pull off the same stoic face though, as there is sorrow and pain written into every detail. His face flutters to anger, and then continues to fluctuate between all the different emotions possible when one is anguished. I turn to Itachi, who seems unfazed.

I again turn to the younger brother, Sasuke as I've been told. He's glaring into the water, and something tells me he's not mad at the fish. He suddenly throws something at the water, and while I catch a glimpse of the shine of reflecting sun, and the splash, I can't make out exactly what he threw. There's some red now on the surface. He probably killed a fish or two. The red starts to spread out, as I zoom in with my mechanical eye. The boy's eyes grow wide with memory as the red swirls and ripples from the splash, and finally starts to make little arms that spread out across the surface. He screams at the water then, and it sounds feral, angry, and sad.

He drops to his knees, tears streaming in small lines down his face. I watch the individual droplets mix with the blood in the water as those too wide eyes continue to stare unseeingly. I look to Itachi and see that his hands have tightened slightly, curling around the bark of the tree. His eyes are stoic, but around the outside of his face the mask is breaking and there are lines that show just how sad he is right now. I don't think Sasuke will ever even know, but this kills his brother. I've learned from Kisame that Itachi likes to clench like he's doing right now onto things that he cares about, such as pictures and people. Something tells me that the tree isn't what Itachi wants to be holding onto, but it's the only thing here other than me, and there's no way I can see him ever holding onto me that way.

I hear a cry from across the lake, "I'll kill you!"

I turn to see Sasuke mumbling to the water. Probably it has something to do with what he just yelled. I hear Itachi whisper an answer, but I only catch the first part, "That's it, little brother…" before his voice fades out and only his lips are left moving. I look to Itachi carefully and see a mix of disappoint and sadness on his face. Then his fingers curl even tighter, so I look to Sasuke to see why. There's a yellow tinge to the water now, mixing in with the red to make some nasty brown. I see the boy doubled over, crying and looking very ill. Those little hands clench at his chest and stomach. To be more specific, the one on his chest is close to his heart. I hear Itachi shift, and I can tell that he's pressed more to the tree without even looking. I watch as Sasuke stands, and another chakra quickly enters the radius by a couple of meters from the front of the house, or where I suspect that to be. Sasuke's tears are still running freely down his cheeks, but he runs to the house before that new chakra can reach his home. What a strange chakra it is too. Just as the door slides shut with an air of finality a little blonde headed kid peaks around the side of the house. His blue eyes search the backyard, but from his angle he wouldn't be able see the water where Sasuke just killed a fish, and then was sick. He then disappears again, a look of worry on his face.

Itachi turns so that his back is pressed to the tree he was just holding, "Damn you, Sasuke, at this rate you'll never be ready."

I crawl out of the bush to find twigs stuck in my hair, "Do you have a death wish, un?"

He smirks and shakes his head, his arms unconsciously wrapped around himself, "I don't know anymore."

By this time I would have been hugging my danna, but this is Itachi, and I value my limbs, so I settle for resting a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the hair problem for the time being, "Only you can know, un."

He nods, "I know."

I tentatively move to wrap my arm around him further. When he doesn't resist I rest my arm completely around his shoulders, "Are you going to be okay, un?"

He sighs, "Yeah."

I squeeze the shoulder closest to my hand, "It'll be alright, un, really."

He shakes his head, "I did this to test my own strength, but also to help him. If he could just become cold enough to accept killing me, no emotions involved, his life would be simple. Numb, but simple. That's what I've learned."

I rub his shoulder, "It'll all be okay in the end, you'll see, un!"

He turns to me, "You sound so sure. That's the only reason I can find to dislike you."

"What?" I pull back, "Just because I'm an optimist, un."

"No," he shakes his head, "because there's not a thing in you that can be pessimistic. Pessimism can be used, it's how you can never be disappointed in life."

"The world can be a good place if you see it that way, un," I shrug.

"Let's head back," that's the cue to end the conversation.

I drop my arm, "Sure, un."

We transport back close to base, showing up at about the same moment. We start walking toward the main entrance as Kisame comes out walking our way.

"We got back early, Zetsu and I," Kisame grins.

"Congratulations," Itachi huffs.

Kisame wraps an arm around Itachi, kissing him lightly, "Oh my brooding Uchiha."

The said Uchiha proceed to shrug off the arm offered and walk off, "I'm going back to the room."

Kisame catches his arm, pulling him close to search those black eye before saying, "Are you alright, Itachi?"

Itachi pulls himself free with a very bland, "Never better." Itachi continues to walk away, but is stopped when Kisame forces him into the cave wall, kissing the Uchiha deeply. Itachi does relax, minutely, as Kisame pulls back first, and lets Itachi go.

Once Itachi disappears deeper into the cave Kisame turns to me, "Thanks for watching out for him."

I nod, "Sure thing, un."

"Are _you_ alright?" Kisame laughs.

"Yeah, of course! Just looking forward to seeing Sasori-danna, un."

"Go on, I'm sure he's waitin' for ya," Kisame nudges, then turns to chase after Itachi.

I do go back to the room, not necessarily expecting a welcome party, but a welcome at least.

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a/n: please review!!!!! 


	28. Chapter 28

a/n: sorry about the wait, and the impending angst here. I was in an angsty mood...

disclaimer: same as the rest of the story!

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!

(oh, and i know that with the whole new chapters of Naruto this could be a little bit ooc, but i won't spoil it for those who haven't read it and you must now keep in mind all these chapters were written before like 360-361 something like that!!!!)

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SASORI POV

The relay comes through with no problems. Apparently Orochimaru has been busier than ever, coming up with a team of three so far of kids that he's training to be as loyal to him as dogs. It's a little sick, but that's how the world is, and I can live with it. At least he hasn't made any real progress. Kisame and Zetsu got back right after the relay left, so I hoped that Deidara would be back soon after that, but he wasn't. It's all so monotonous here without him.

A knock on the door catches my attention, because I know for a fact that Deidara never knocks. My hopes that it could even be Zetsu are dashed when I feel the chakra signature. I realize that it's actually someone that couldn't be more opposite from Deidara if they tried.

I open the door to that blank mask of that Tobi kid.

"Good day, Sasori," he bows.

I nod, "What are you doing here, Tobi?"

He bows his head, "I came to apologize."

"For what?"

"All that time back, Sir, when I first came here, I questioned you rudely about bringing that child Kabuto here, but now I see that I was wrong in my assumptions that it was pointless to do so. I was unforgivably rude."

"What brings this up?" I do step back and allow him to enter the room, but he hesitates before actually accepting my invitation. My reputation does indeed precede me.

He timidly stands near the wall only a few steps in from the door, "Well, you see sir, Zetsu has been working at getting rid of my inquisitive bad habits, and while I was thinking back on it I wished to tie up the loose ends."

"So I'm just a loose end?" I threaten, though I internally mean him no time. I would never harm a student whom Zetsu deems worthy. I trust his judgment, he has never failed us.

"Oh no Sasori, not at all Sir," he bows so low that I'm afraid his mask may be scraping the floor, "I truly feel bad for never apologizing to you."

I sigh, "Stand up, that is no way to bow in apology. If you ever wish to be a member of Akatsuki you should always remember that submission is good, but showing that you think you can be an equal is better."

He straightens up immediately and I motion to a chair behind him. He sits, stiffly, watching me anxiously. I really could make or break this kid in a moment, in a couple of words.

"I accept your apology, on the condition that you stay out of my way," I sit opposite him on the bed.

He must be smiling behind that mask because his voice is beaming, "Thank you, Sasori, thank you!"

I shrug, "Sure." There's a long pause and I know he's waiting to be dismissed. I'm not near through with him though, "So Zetsu's been training you?"

He nods, "Yeah. I'm hoping that one day I'll be admitted into Akatsuki, just so I can act as his equal. What an honor."

"He is quite the fighter," I agree, "but you would never be paired with him. He's our head spy and Sir Leader would never permanently put him with someone to work with."

"So you think Sir Leader wants me to be a member?"

"That, or he's expecting you to die," I shrug as if the comment was very nonchalant, and for me it was, though I can see him shaking. I laugh, "Don't worry about that though, he wouldn't put someone that he thinks is weak with Zetsu. Zetsu trains a select few, and those select few are usually admitted in some shape or form."

"Well, I'd be okay if I was never admitted," he shrugs, "I'm just not ready to die, not yet."

"Why wouldn't you care, why settle for anything below the best?"

He shakes his head, "It's not always about being the best, it's about being _your_ best."

"That's a very philosophical view," I point out.

"Maybe," he shrugs, "but I don't think I'm really that deep into it for it to be philosophical."

"It's deep enough."

"Yeah," he laughs, "you're right!"

"You normally like this?"

He shakes his head, "I try to look at things intelligently, but there's no way I measure up to you or Zetsu. I'm glad if I can be considered half as good as you guys!"

I nod, "I understand wanting to be intelligent, but there's no need for flattery."

"No flattery meant," he raises his hands in a harmless gesture, "I only spoke as I see things. Truthfully. But it is a surprise that you understand… wanting to think on things I mean, you're one of the few around here."

"Yes, well, most of the people around here are a little too serious when it comes to battle and not serious enough when it comes to everything else," I shrug, "You learn to live with it."

"You're not like that," he points out.

"Nor is Deidara," I add, "though he's not a very good example because I'm not sure he puts his whole heart into anything." Anything except me, but I would never say that out loud, especially not to this kid.

He bobs his head, "Alright, so there are a select few here, but the rest… well…" he doesn't need to say anything, we both understand what he means. There are too many assassins here and not enough people.

"I get it."

He shifts then, "Not to be rude, but I think I should go. Zetsu will be looking for me."

I nod, standing as he does, "I understand."

He opens the door and then turns to bow to me one last time, "Good bye Sasori."

"I'll see you around," I nod.

As he leaves I close the door on his sprinting back. He seems very upbeat, but other than that he's alright. Zetsu must see something in this kid or else he would have been gone long ago. Maybe there is something there that I don't see. And maybe not. At least I can give him more respect than I could before. He does, whether I like to admit it or not, have potential, there's an energy within him that has yet to be awoken, or at least not here at base has it been used. He could have some role to play yet.

I sigh and settle back onto the bed, waiting for Deidara once more. I look over to where he keeps his clay and notice how messy everything there is, and then look to my own corner, with not a scroll out of place it looks meticulously clean, a fact that I'm proud of. I guess opposites really do attract, though I never believe those old sayings. I don't take things at face value. One should never take anything at face value in Akatsuki's business, because it's more than likely that the ones that seem to try to get your help are just trying to stab you in the back.

Another knock at the door leaves me hopeful that Deidara may have returned. This time, though, it's a much more dangerous visitor. This chakra I know all too well.

I open the door to the ominous form of Sir Leader, his cloak very dark and foreboding, wrapped so all that shows is his eyes. Itachi can wear his cloak this way and seem a little intimidating, but no one can pull off the frightening look that Sir Leader can. He watches me as I bow low, and I make a point to lower my eyes. He takes it as an insult to keep eye contact, since that shows a sign on distrust. I don't trust him, that's an easy enough admission, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to admit that to him. He pushes by me into the room, but I'm not about to complain about that either. Push comes to shove this really is Sir Leader's room, Deidara and I just sleep in it.

I close the door behind him in a sign of courtesy and then he finally speaks, "Good to see you, Sasori."

I bow again, not as low and this time I don't break eye contact, "Sir Leader."

He smiles, the smile reaching his eyes and that is the only way I can tell he's doing so. "I heard that a relay came in this morning from Kabuto. It's been a while since we heard anything. How are things progressing?"

"Fine," I answer stiffly, "they are none the wiser to Kabuto and they seem to not be making too many large moves. The only major development, if you could call it that, is that Orochimaru seems to be training up a certain number of small children to be in his ranks later. This seems to be one of the main reasons he accepted Kabuto at such a young age into his ranks."

"Has he been treating Kabuto well?" Sir Leader asks.

"As far as I can tell," I nod.

"That's disappointing for the snake. He doesn't seem the type to be so soft at heart," he scoffs.

I do not answer, since I know that anything I could possibly say may betray my care for Kabuto. I do not mind hearing some things, such as that he has been hurt in training, but for Sir Leader to want so openly for Orochimaru to abuse the child that I had formed some sort of bond with is beyond my comprehension. It's not as if he knows that I care for the child. As far as I know he doesn't know too much about Deidara and I either.

He approaches me in my sudden silence and I have to fight the urge to back away. Even the strongest of predators picks its fights. His hand shoots out to brush my cheek, and it takes every ounce of resolve that I have to not flinch from the touch. When his other hand grabs onto my wrist I feel my wrist pull against his tight grip and curse inwardly.

He clicks his tongue in distaste and then allows his hand to smooth over my cheek and under my chin, his thumb rubbing against my lips. I pull back from this and he frowns, that also reaching his eyes, "Now, now Sasori, that's very unsporting." He laughs then, enough to send a shiver down my spine. "We can all be gentlemen here, it would really be a tragedy if something… unfortunate, seemed to happen to Deidara."

I stop. "You wouldn't-"

He laughs loudly at me, "I assure you, Sasori, the boy is quite expendable. We do have the one that Zetsu is training, that Tobi, who is almost ready enough to become a full fledged member."

I freeze, unable to fathom what he could possibly do to Deidara, and a part of me not wanting to know. Somewhere amidst my musings he has started to run his hands over my face again. He whispers against my ear in a secretive way, something I have done to Deidara time and time again, "Yes, you wouldn't want Deidara hurt, would you?"

He crushes his lips to mine, taking my breath from my lungs, suffocating me. With Deidara this would be nothing but bliss, but this can never be bliss, not with Sir Leader, not with the threat of Deidara hurt, or worse, killed. His hands start to travel my body, slipping under my shirt and ravishing my skin. His lips are still on mine though, killing me slowly.

He finally removes those lips, but I do not take a breath. He understands the need to breath, but does not understand my lack of will to do so. My lungs burn and my vision blurs terribly, but still I do not take a breath. It could all be over so soon.

He shakes his head, "Tsk, tsk Sasori, trying to kill yourself?"

I do not respond, simply let the blackness take me.

He smacks me, backhanded, "Answer me!"

I slowly take a painful breath, my lungs burning and my voice a raspy whisper, "No, Sir."

"Good," he grins, pressing me against the wall, his weight pinning me at the hips and chest. His hands reach back under my shirt, having previously abandoned their positions there to push me against the wall. He slowly lifts the shirt and sheds me of it, his hips grind into mine and I moan, trying to stop myself from crying out.

His face does the impossible, managing to slink through his cloak to bury into my neck, his teeth closing around my pulse. I cry out in surprise and worry my lip as his tongue traces the bite mark.

"You'll enjoy this, Sasori, you know what's at stake," he hisses.

I nod, "Yes."

"Yes, what?" he purrs.

"I know what is at stake, Sir," I sigh.

He licks at the bite mark again, "Very good."

He tears the shirt off of my arms, where it has been twisted since he took it off my torso. His one hand plays with the symbol over my heart. That doesn't bother me, not really. That I can not feel and what I can not feel I will not remember with as great of detail. If I don't remember it as well it will disappear all the faster. His other hand though that has found a firm grasp on my neck, that I can feel, and I can not fool myself that it is not really there. I can not fool myself that for the first time in years someone other than Deidara will take me. I frown and try not to let his hands bother me. I try my hardest not to think of the betrayal in these touches, but still I can not help but think of Deidara.

He moves his one hand to the side as he covers my throat with his mouth. His teeth scrape over my skin, then they bite down more violently than before, and I feel the bruise forming already. Not that there wasn't going to be a bruise before. You can't get choked without the hands leaving some sort of mark on you.

His mouth travels further down, marking my flesh but not succeeding in anything else. He tries to hurt me, my chest, my stomach, anything below my neck, but he can't. This I can only see as a small blessing. I have to force back the whimper that claws up my throat.

He yanks down my pants without warning and that whimper that I was holding back escapes through my parted lips. He gives me a sharp look and my mouth closes at once.

He laughs darkly at the look of what I'm sure is terror on my face, backing up and pulling me over to the bed, "You will pleasure me, Sasori, starting with stripping me, or I will kill Deidara. You know that, don't you?"

I whimper, then nod and approach him. I rake his cloak off in one swift peeling motion. The cloak falls to the floor behind him, pooling at his feet. It falls on top of a puppet that earlier that day I had been doing maintenance work to and it takes everything in me not to try and move it. I have to quickly busy my hands or else I fear that I might do something to anger him and he hisses out a moan when I violently twist his nipples under his shirt. If there is one undeniable fact that the Akatsuki know, it's that Sir Leader loves things violent and rough. His lips part as I lift his shirt and reluctantly bite down hard on one of those nipples.

I strip the rest of him slowly, but with a certain haste in mind. I know if I go too fast he'll be upset and may hurt Deidara, but if I go too slow he will get impatient, which may hold worst consequences yet. I know that I am doing things slow, but not as sensual as I've ever gotten with Deidara. My mouth travels, but I never hover. Hovering is a luxury that I will only give to Deidara. Sir Leader seems to be content with what I've given so far and that's good enough for me. When I finally uncover his groin he grasps my hair and forces me to stay put, facing it. He's hard and ready, now free to rest against his stomach, at attention and waiting for me. I feel fingers dig into my jaw, prying my mouth open and when I finally comply with opening my mouth he forces me down so hard I gag. I can't catch my breath suddenly and when I try to hold back there is a firm hand holding me still as shivers spasm through Sir Leader's body, his hand tightening and relaxing in my hair. I have to concentrate and learning to breathe again as my throat is bombarded and just when I get comfortable there is a slight motion in Sir Leader's hips as he rocks back to thrust back into my throat. I have to actually force myself not to throw up.

I try once to pull back and I almost manage before that hand is back at my hair, forcefully keeping me still, "You will do this Sasori. If for nothing else you will do this for Deidara's safety, will you not?"

What else can I do? I take the abuse to my throat and mouth and jaw, take it like a slave. I have no other choice, I do it for Deidara's safety. I do not enjoy it though, and there was no rule that says I have to. His hand eventually finds it's way to my shoulder for support as he climbs toward his peak. When he reaches climax though his hand is back to my hair.

"Swallow," he demands. I dare not do otherwise.

The salty, bitter taste assaults me, but most of it shoots straight down my throat. When I'm finally freed a few remaining spurts are trickling down my chin, but I make no move to stop them. Sir Leader moves to kneel in front of me so we are face to face. His eyes are glowing with pleasure. He reaches out and grasps onto my weak, but slightly aroused member. He gives it a few good pumps and soon I'm aching from the arousal. He doesn't know how to take care of any situation except one way: roughly. The current situation is that he just can't keep me aroused. There is nothing here to keep me interested and soon I am back to nearly soft. He puts a finger into my mouth, which I unquestioningly suck on. He moans and is instantly starting to be aroused once more. He pulls the finger out of my mouth without warning and finds my entrance with no hindrance or pause. I feel my muscles tighten in surprise and unwillingness to give in. He moves that finger within me until he finds something within that makes me see white, as Deidara has so aptly found so many times.

"Relax," he whispers, turning me so my stomach is now pressed to the bed and climbing on top of me, shoving two more fingers in. I groan and force myself to relax, but only because I know that it hurts more if you don't. Soon his member is in place of fingers at my entrance and with no more preparation than his fingers previously being within me he thrusts in. I bite my lip to keep from screaming and it's not long at all before I'm bleeding. I don't understand why now. I don't bleed enough for him any ways. But I'm bleeding now, and I'm almost thankful for that blood as it eases Sir Leader's way. He leans over me, puffs of hot air reaching my ear that sicken me. Only Deidara should have this right. Only Deidara. The thought of Deidara and the friction of the bed sheets and blood against my arousal push me over the edge and I feel the sticky hot essence of myself coat my stomach, Sir Leader's essence soon filling me inside. He is too much for me to hold and as if pulls out blood and clearer things drip down my legs and onto the sheets.

"That will do, Sasori," is all I hear from behind me before the door opens and closes. At least Deidara is safe.

DEIDARA POV

When I get back to the room it is not the welcome that I was expecting. The knock on the door gave me no answer, not even a "come in" from my Sasori-danna, which is odd to begin with. The mess in the room is even worse. There's blood all over one of the beds, and the scent of sex is thick in the air, mixing with the tang of blood. There are clothes scattered around, my danna's clothes, which is also odd, since he's usually immaculate. Then I notice the shower is on, the sound of the running water thunderous in the aftermath of some grand disaster.

I knock on the bathroom door and the answer sounds so tired, "I'm busy, Deidara."

"Danna, are you alright, un?" I start to open the door regardless of the answer.

"If you are then so am I," I open the door to see his shadow behind the shower curtain, curled into a little corner.

I tear my shirt off in a rush and leave the rest, anything else would be a hindrance to remove. I open the curtain and some of the water mists over to me. It's scalding, so hot that the skin my danna does have is bright pink. He doesn't even seem to notice.

I turn the temperature down despite my danna's shivering and climb in despite my remaining clothes. Clothes can dry and be replaced, but nothing can replace my danna. No one is as precious to me as Sasori-danna. He struggles a bit at first, but I manage to finally get him into my arms and he simply collapses. He's still for a moment, but when he starts to shake I pull him closer to me. When he starts to cry, though, I'm at a loss, so I kiss his forehead and hold him some more.

When he turns to nuzzle into my chest I whisper to him, "What is it, Sasori-danna? What happened, un?"

He shakes his head and I pull him closer to me, if that's even possible, and start to run kisses over his forehead and against his temple. When he flinches away from my lips I stop, recoiling. There are few times that my danna ever denies a kiss from me, but when he does it means something very serious is going on. Problem is I don't know what's going on. Usually I know what's bothering him and I can talk him through it, but now there's nothing for me to go on.

His head stops moving and he starts to clench his hands, as if trying to get a hold on my shirt, but instead his nails dig into my skin, and I let them. I watch a pink tinged water run from my shoulder as he sits there with a death grip on me. "He said he'd kill you, Deidara."

"What?" I whisper incredulously.

"Sir Leader said he would kill you, he would kill you unless I listened to him. If I did what he told me he wouldn't hurt you. I couldn't let you get hurt. I could never forgive myself. I'm so sorry. I meant to clean up the room before you got back. I thought I'd be done before you got back. I lost track of time. I'm so sorry…"

I shake my head at his rambling, "Don't be sorry, Sasori-danna, don't be sorry, un." I turn the water off, keeping one arm wrapped securely around him. I lift him with ease and carefully make my way out of the tub and onto the ground in the main part of the bathroom. I kick a towel onto the ground for better footing and then wrap danna in a full body towel. I then wrap myself in another and wrap the last one around him as well, securing him as best as I can. I carry him into the bedroom and set him on my bed after pushing it away from what used to be his bed. His is the dirty one, not mine, and even though there is a little bit of blood on this one it's only a small corner and hardly noticeable. I face him away from the room and lie down behind him, protecting him. He whimpers a little, a sound very rare to leave his throat, and turns to bury his face in my chest. I wrap my arm as tight as I can get it around him and then rest my nose in his hair, nuzzling his scalp.

"Deidara?" his breath is hot against my skin.

"What is it, Sasori-danna?"

"How can you still want to hold me?"

"What do you mean, un?"

"I couldn't get clean enough in the shower. I can still feel him on me and yet here you are, holding me as if he were never here."

"He's not on you anymore."

"I feel dirty… disgusting… as if his touch was lingering on me."

"You're not dirty. You're not disgusting, un."

His hands move to trace a mark on his neck that Sir Leader must have given him, "He marked me."

"I'll just have to mark you too, un."

"He wouldn't like that."

"Good, un," I grin into his hair. There's a pause where I can practically taste his uncertainty, so I add, "You will always be my love, Sasori-danna, even if you left me on your own free will, un."

"I'll never leave you, Deidara."

"All the more reason not to worry then, un."

He smiles, and it doesn't take long before he falls asleep, that smile continuing to grace his lips. When I'm sure he's fast asleep I get up and dry off, then I clean the room. Maybe if I can clean the room the nightmares won't be bad this time.

Maybe…


	29. Chapter 29

a/n: okay, because I feel so bad about making you all wait this long there is going to be a mass upload today on this story! I swear that I feel horrible making you all wait this long for a new chapter, so here is the latest!

disclaimer: still don't own Naruto

PLEASE REVIEW!

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The cleaning doesn't take me too long, and since my danna has yet to wake up by the time that I'm finished I lie down beside him again and curl up as if I had never moved. Even in his sleep he curls against me, his head pressing to my chest. I wrap my arms around him when he starts to shake again. He whimpers once and I fear that the nightmares have begun. He turns away from me, struggling worthlessly at my arms until I let him go. I gently brush hair that has strayed to his eyes and he whimpers, tossing himself back and forth, pitiful moans escaping his lips. To believe that this is my stoic danna would be impossible, if I had not seen these same effects before.

He suddenly jerks awake, my arms around his shoulders. He's gasping, panting, unable to catch his breath, which is rare even when he runs, so to see his eyes darting around the room his frantically is painful. Finally those eyes settle on me. I place a hand on his cheek, hand-mouth closed tightly, thumb massaging his jaw bone lightly. His eyes soften, though his body remains just as stiff as ever, but I blame that on the fact that he's a puppet. I feel him lean that warm cheek into my hand, a light bead of sweat ghosting over my finger.

He makes a great effort to remain sitting, shifting here and there as the pain finally sets in after the adrenaline washes away. He also shifts in an effort to see past me, "You cleaned the room?"

I nod, "Yeah, un." Things seem to be going better this time, he's taking things better this time, but maybe that's just because there wasn't too much left in him to break.

"It's not like you to clean," his face and voice are so empty.

"I needed something to keep my hands busy, un," I shrug, half smiling.

I lean in with the intent to kiss him, his lips parting as I do, ready to accept. But there's something to him that freezes me. Despite that oh so ready expression there's something there that doesn't encourage me. I finally blame his eyes. They're so raw, so hurt, I can't be the cause of any more pain, not to my Sasori-danna.

His breath wisps over my lips, "Why did you stop?"

I shake my head, "I can't hurt you, un."

"You won't," he insists, pulling me to him before I can protest again. I move my lips softly against his, still unsure of him and anything that I may end up doing. I don't trust myself to be gentle, not when I'm lost in the sensation of kissing those all too ready lips. He doesn't seem in a hurry either, accepting the soft pace as if that's all he ever needed, barely taking part in the kiss at all. I pull back first, barely, just enough to focus on those eyes. They're still open and raw.

I sit up, and when I meet no resistance I move to stand, only to be stopped by an arm around my waist, and two simple words, "Don't go…"

"I'm just getting you clothes, Sasori-danna."

"I don't need clothes, I need you."

"You're shivering, un."

"I'm scared."

"You're never scared, danna."

"I was terrified by the thought of you dying."

I turn around and his eyes have broken. Not like glass breaks, but like a soul can break. There's nothing to show for it on the outside, there's nothing visible to break, but the heart can break, the soul can break, and my danna's eyes can break. They're laced with an unnamable fear, one that consumes him from the inside out, to the point where you wouldn't need shinobi eyes to see the shivers wracking his body. Despite the strain he continues talking, watching me with those incredibly sad eyes, "All I've needed since hearing those words is you beside, so I can tell myself that you're okay."

He doesn't need to say anything twice, I lie down next to him. Wrapping my arms around him I whisper, "It's alright, Sasori-danna."

His hands travel under my shirt and they don't stop until it's half way up my chest, his arms at an awkward angle, but completely pressed to my flesh. When his hands settle his eyes look more like him. My flesh has become an anchor for his sanity.

I bring one hand to his hair, brushing at it lightly, "It's alright, Sasori-danna, he won't get me that easily, un."

I can feel his lips form a fleeting smile, "I know."

I'm about to whisper some more sweet nothings to him, as those seem to help, but a knock at the door interrupts me. I manage to jump up and pull the covers over my danna before Kisame barges in.

He looks at us before asking, "Am I interrupting?"

Sasori-danna glares at him, "What do you want?"

"So I _am_ interrupting," Kisame grins. "You know, you should lock the door if you're gonna do that, someone innocent may walk in."

"Not what you think, but we are busy. Un! Besides, you can not seriously call yourself innocent when it comes to that."

"Guilty as charged," Kisame laughs, then calms down to a smile, "Either of you seen Zetsu around?"

I shake my head, as does my danna, as I answer, "Sorry un, haven't seen anyone except Sasori-danna since I got back."

Kisame heaves a sigh, "I had shown him something I picked up for Itachi as a peace offering for not going with him. I think a put it in the wrong bag. Speaking for the trip though, how'd that go?"

"We didn't kill each other, un…" I sigh, "but seriously? Okay, un."

"He won't tell me about it," Kisame leans against the wall, "though he never talks about it normally, normally I'm with him."

"He seemed pretty upset, un, his brother had been screaming and crying across the lake. They both seemed in bad shape that close to each other if you ask me, un."

"They always do," Kisame nods.

"I've been here since I got back with Itachi though, un. Try the training grounds," I shrug, "he's been training that kid, hasn't he, un?"

Kisame grins, "Thanks."

"What did you get him?" my danna asks.

"I'll show you if and when I find it," and he leaves without another word.

"He'll be back, un," I sit down on the edge of the bed.

My danna nods, pulling himself up to lean against my side. I wrap my arms around his back and I have to force myself to repress a shiver as I touch the blades on his back, sheathed but with the promise of danger and pain. I kiss his forehead lightly before wiggling out of his grip and moving to rummage through his dresser, pulling out fresh pants and tossing them at him.

"You're dressers too clean, un."

"If you cared yours could be just as neat," he looks over at me with the pants now in hand.

He stands as I answer, "I don't care, though, Sasori-danna."

"I've noticed," he ends, pulling the pants on and miraculously standing up straight. I wrap my cloak over his shoulders, which he slips on moments later, burying himself in the warmth and depth. He further adds to the burial by buttoning it from bottom to top securely. I smile at him as his eyes heal a little more behind that cloak, identical to his but I'm sure is smells more like me, and reminds him of me, making it all the more therapeutic for him now. I turn to the door as Kisame's chakra signature draws close again. This time he doesn't even knock.

After he shuts the door I grin, "Welcome back, un."

He grins back, showing off his razor sharp teeth, "Thanks."

Sasori-danna sighs, sitting down with the slightest wince. I put my hand on his shoulder as Kisame rummages through one of his cloak pockets. I watch as he pulls out a standard leather string, and then I see the stone attached to it.

"A tooth?" my danna asks, and I have to look at it from a couple of different angles to see that it is a tooth.

"It's a shark tooth, found it along on the coast. Zetsu scared the crap out of some travelers and I got the leather from their packs," Kisame laughs.

"Neat, un, but will Itachi really wear that?"

"We'll find out," he hands it to me as I hold out my hand to receive it.

I fumble it around in my hands until a knock on the door startles me. I almost drop it as Sasori-danna okays Itachi coming it. It doesn't hit me to hide it until the door handle is turning and I know that Itachi sees my hand go behind my back. He looks over at me with mild interest.

Itachi's eyes stay on me as Kisame growls, snatching the necklace away from me. When he gets close enough to be a potential threat to Itachi those sharingan eyes move from my eyes to Kisame.

"What did I miss?" That's the closest I've ever heard Itachi come to being playful.

Kisame smiles, opening the hand and offering the necklace to his lover. "I got you something on my mission."

Itachi picks up the necklace by the tooth, pricking his left index finger with it. He switches hands and Kisame swoops to hold the left, pressing down on the bead of blood. Itachi smiles, vaguely, his uninjured hand moving to Kisame's face, his uninjured index finger caressing the gill marks. I still can not tell if those are real gills or not.

Kisame leans down, nuzzling into the soft skin of Itachi's neck, gently nipping at the junction between neck and shoulder. Itachi tilts his head back, a ghost of a smile gracing his lips before taking his hand back and fumbling with the necklace. Kisame pulls back and Itachi puts it on. Kisame starts to run his hand over the necklace as my danna wraps an arm around my waist, sucking on my earlobe possessively. I bite my lip and squeeze my throat into a tight, painful knot to prevent a moan from escaping. I reach back and take his free hand in my own, squeezing in both pleasure and warning. I squeeze again as his tongue flickers along the shell of my ear.

I turn and cover his lips with my own, nuzzling into his cheek as his mouth finds my other ear. He then pulls back and turns to our audience, Itachi held just as tightly in Kisame's arms as I am held in Sasori-danna's. I smirk up at him knowingly and I watch his eyes, they meet mine for once with utter emptiness, neither hatred nor disgust, nothing I have seen there in the past.

"I had come to say thank you," Itachi sighs, now a little annoyed, but I think more with himself than me.

I shrug, "Sure, un."

He half smiles, "Always the optimist."

"Guess so, un!"

He turns, Kisame turning with him, "I don't get it."

Kisame lets go and Itachi leaves, though he does play with the shark tooth lightly as he departs. Kisame smiles back at us once Itachi is gone, "At least he liked the necklace."

"You could give him just about anything and he would like it," my danna points out.

"What can I say?" Kisame smirks toothily, "I've made an impression."

My danna pulls me back against him, "It's good to know he has someone there for him."

Kisame smiles, almost as if remembering something very private, almost a lost look, "He's different, but that doesn't mean he's as terrible as everyone seems to think he is."

"I don't think he's terrible, un," I shrug, "but I don't know if I could put up with him as calmly as you can."

Kisame laughs, "Sometimes I don't think I can either. We probably wouldn't even be this close if Sir Leader hadn't paired us up."

I don't think that Kisame sees it, but I can feel my danna flinch at the mentioning of that name. I nod as if nothing happened, "Fair enough, un."

He motions with his head for the door, "I should go…"

"Go ahead," Sasori-danna nods, his voice a little tight.

He opens and closes the door with the barest of waves, and I turn to Sasori-danna, "Are you alright, un?"

He smiles and nods, "I needed to see that."

"What did you need to see, danna?" I gently caress his cheek.

"That we can survive, if they can we can," he half smiles. "If those two can stick together the way they do, nothing can stop us now, not even Sir Leader can come between us."

I pull him towards me, resting my lips on his forehead. He shifts so that our lips are touching, and this time he's the one to kiss me. His tongue is quick to prod my lips, and I open them eagerly. His tongue explores my mouth, every inch of it, and all I can do is wallow in the taste of my danna. I moan into his mouth, the sound traveling from my throat to his. When we pull back I can see his eyes have healed, and I don't worry about him any more.


	30. Chapter 30

a/n: here's a second chapter for you!

Disclaimer: again, don't own Naruto

PLEASE REVIEW!! (as always!)

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ITACHI POV

I don't expect him to show up very long after I return to our room. My fingers have yet to leave the necklace he gave me. The leather catches frequently on the necklace my brother gave me long ago, but I know that I won't give up either, whether I wear them both around my neck or not. I decide that I can wear the shark tooth somewhere else. Once to my bed I take the necklace off and wrap it around my hand just as Kisame walks into the room.

He sees the necklace around my hand and tilts his head to the side, "You don't like it."

"The leather isn't going to work," I state, then add, "I like it."

He smiles and moves to my side, holding me in his arms, "I thought of you when I saw the tooth."

"I'm like a tooth?" I look up at him as his arms go around me. I don't fight it. I'm tired of fighting him.

"No, but I do want you to carry a part of me with you, this is the closest I could get to that," he shrugs.

"You know that that's emotion I could never show," I sigh.

"You're showing it now."

"…" and he's right. I've given up fighting him, I've stopped trying to make things difficult, I love him.

KISAME POV

I watch the emotions play over his face and I can't tell whether he's going to snap at me for what I've said or not. At one point I'm sure he will, but when his mouth opens not a sound comes out, and for the first time I find him speechless, not silent in the norm, but speechless. I rest my chin on his forehead, and I can feel him try to fight my grasp then, but soon he even stops that, just resting there, head on my chest, face buried in my shirt, arms reaching up to hold my sides. He doesn't let go often, but it's good for him, and I'm glad that he's doing it now.

"You know I'll never…"

"I know, Itachi."

"I don't understand…"

"Neither do I."

"We shouldn't… not like this…"

"I don't care."

"…" there's a long silence, "Me either."

I'm not sure that I completely understood him correctly, and yet I know that I have. Am I understanding this though? Can this really be happening? After all this time, has he finally given into me?

I don't feel any difference in his posture, any difference in his grasp, but then it comes, that tightening of his hands, that relaxing of his back, that giving in totally to one's emotions. Yet I know that first thing we leave this room he'll be back to normal, but from now on… in here… could it really be?

"Itachi?"

"Kisame…"

I have to hold back a moan, having wished to hear my name like that on his lips for the longest time. It's not the sexual drive that he has whispered my name with in the past, there's a certain softness to it now, a longing that he has never shown before. He says my name in a loving way.

"Itachi…" I say it back to him with no abandon.

"This does not go…"

"Not a step outside this room."

"When we're out there, we're killers."

"I understand."

"I don't want this to interfere."

"I won't let it."

"Promise me, Kisame."

"I'll promise you anything you want, Itachi."

He looks up to me with those onyx eyes, those eyes that have only been cold, and I see no danger in there, nothing to fear, not the drive of lust nor the cold of a killer waiting for its prey. I see a warmth that he had when he first came here, a warmth that I have only seen when he is around his brother, a warmth that shows me his heart, and I understand why he's so cold now. For Itachi, to show love, to show this warmth, is for him to let you get a glimpse into his life force, into his soul.

The hand that holds the necklace moves to my face, the leather falling against my skin and the tooth scraping over my neck. He brings the hand down just long enough to pull the necklace off, finding my neck again with his hand and gently brushing the skin there. He's never been like this before, and all the while I can see his thoughts, his feelings, played out in those eyes. I also understand now his fear of going blind. To be unable to control what people would see in his unseeing eyes, and to know that his soul can lay bare to people that he does not trust, I would fear blindness too.

I brush my thumb along his cheek, "I'll always be here for you, Itachi."

He blinks, confused as to why I brought this up, "Kisame?"

"I see your eyes, I understand your fear. Even if it means being hunted by the Akatsuki as Orochimaru is now, I'll always protect you," the last words are whispered directly into his ear, his eyes having shut, a single tear sliding down a porcelain cheek. I brush it away softly.

"I never asked for such loyalty."

"It's not loyalty, Itachi," I pull back as his eyes open, "It's love."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"I would do the same for you, Kisame."

"The same?"

"I would give my life for you."

"Thank you," and I kiss him, as I've never had the guts to kiss him before. I kiss him with tenderness that most killers lose. I knew Zabuza Momochi. I knew him as the monster he was, and I heard wind of the child, Haku, that was with him, the kid that would never kill a man, just leave them for Zabuza, and I know that Zabuza would understand now, as many of the other swordsmen would not, how I feel, for he had a heart that could not live in only the cold. My heart can not live in only the cold. Itachi's heart can no longer live in only the cold. He has not lost his tender side, only attempted to murder it.

I pull back, kneeling down and lifting his shirt, caressing the tough muscles hidden under his chest and stomach, those taught muscles that I have learned so well in the years that we have been partners. His hands find my back, going down the top of my shirt and resting on my shoulder blades. I lick up his chest and one hand finds its way to my hair, a beautiful moan escaping his lips. Never before has there been this connection between us and I crave to hold onto it, to milk the most out of these moments that I can.

"I love you, Itachi," I whisper across his chest, "damn it! I love you so much." I nip at his skin, growling, thoroughly enjoying the way he writhes under me.

Only now do I feel him, hardening and pressed against my chest with the way that I'm kneeling. My body responds in much the same way. I feel chakra moving outside the room, I can't tell who's at first, I don't care. Then I realize that it's Zetsu and I stop. Itachi's eyes start to bleed to their cold shells, just around the edges. I can tell in the way that he tenses that if Zetsu stops at our door this may be the end of things. I don't want this to end. I thank every heaven I know when Zetsu continues past the door, his two voices talking to each other, mumbling things such as 'where is he' and 'stupid boy, running off' so I assume he's looking for Tobi. Good, let him keep going, leave Itachi to me.

I look up into those eyes and while the cold is gone there is a strain to them still.

"What is it?"

"I don't know."

"Itachi?" I stand up and cup his cheek.

"My visions blurry."

"How bad?"

"I can barely see you."

"You need to get your strength back, when did you eat last?"

"This morning."

"Sleep well."

He shakes his head.

I pull him to me, press his head to my chest and close his eyes once more, "It's alright."

"I can't go blind."

"You won't."

He doesn't say anything more. I sit him back on his bed and brush stray hair from his face. He usually doesn't let it get this unkempt and looking at him now there are bags under his eyes, deep shadows from restless nights.

His eyes are unfocused still, I can tell by the strain still there when I say, "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Too many memories."

"Tell me."

"I can't."

"My shoulders are big enough to hold the problems of us both. Please, tell me. I'll take care of you, Itachi, but I can't if you won't let me."

I watch indecision cross his face, then his eyes close and the strain leaves. There is no stress in seeing nothing for him. I lie him down carefully and pull myself up against him, holding his back to my chest. He's quiet for a very long time and then sighs.

"My memories are not your burden to bear. Let me rest in your arms."

"Always," I smile against his hair, "whenever you want."

He doesn't seem to be conscious too much longer, and that's enough for me. As I drift off into my own nightmares and battles I know that as long as he is in my arms none of those things in my head matter. What matters most is him and me.


	31. Chapter 31

a/n: I'm about to cry! This is the last chapter!!!!!!!! Thank you everyone that has stuck with me here to the end, and everyone that has put in their constructive criticism, I'm really glad I had the support of you all. If it weren't for all the great people that became fans of the story I don't think I would have reached this point... heck, I don't think I COULD have reached this point without you all. Thank you!!

Disclaimer: no matter how much i wish it were, Naruto is not mine!

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DEIDARA POV

Years have come and gone, many long years, since Sasori-danna and I first met. So many years seem to have held so much for us, and yet we endure. I do not want to think back at those first few years, especially not some of the turmoil those years put us through. Orochimaru. Sir Leader. Kabuto. Sir Leader again. So many years have passed though since those have been a problem. Sure we hear about Orochimaru, whether through Sir Leader's angry rants that never seem to end, or through those relays that I now accompany Sasori-danna on to meet with Kabuto. My, how that boy has grown. I remember when we first met him and he was a brat. That Orochimaru has at least done one thing right, raising Kabuto to be as strong as he can be. He's even a better healer than before.

And Sir Leader? It's been years since he touched either of us, a fact that I am thankful for.

Our arguments about art? Well…

"For the last time, Deidara, you blow up your 'art' in my face again and you'll be a dead man!"

"Aw, come on, danna, that's no fun, un!"

…Those fights still occur quite often.

I watch Sasori-danna sigh as he does the last hand sign to seal one of his puppets in its scroll again at the end of a long days worth of training. He looks over at me with a slightly annoyed face and I fear that he may be mad at me enough to storm back to our room without talking to me. Yeah, we haven't gotten over that either.

He watches me with sudden interest and comes over to me, pressing himself against me and kissing my lips, before asking, "You still with me Deidara?"

"Of course, un," I smile, "I'm right here."

"You're not off in your own little world?"

"Of course not, Sasori-danna."

"Good," he smiles, kissing me again before Tobi comes bounding into the training area.

"Hello Sasori-sempai, Deidara-sempai!" he waves all too enthusiastically.

Sasori-danna just waves but I jump up, waving, "Hey Tobi!"

"Am I interrupting?" he bows.

"No, we were just leaving, right danna, un?"

Sasori-danna nods. He respects Tobi, but the more Tobi has grown the more he seems to get on my danna's bad side.

Zetsu walks in then, his yellow eyes falling on the entire room at once. Tobi, still under Zetsu's instruction, has become a very valued member of the Akatsuki. I remember when he was just a brat to pick on.

Zetsu's white half smiles, "Good evening Sasori."

"Deidara," he other half adds, his form nodding.

I wave, this time very quiet as Sasori-danna answers, "Good evening Zetsu. Tobi too fast for you to keep up?"

"We just prefer…"

"… to let him go ahead."

Sasori-danna laughs then, genuinely, having always been friends with the venus flytrap man. That's something that has withstood the test of time very well. He leads me out the door back to the main Akatsuki halls without another word, simply waving to the two remaining members in goodbye. I wave at them the same way. There's a creepy air of finality though to the way that danna does it.

As we reach the cafeteria we're stopped before we can enter by Hidan. Kakuzu is not far off, but he's probably around a bend somewhere that we can't see.

"Hey, Sir Leader's lookin' for the two of you," he yells to us.

"Sir Leader?" Sasori-danna asks.

"Yeah, says that you two have to go after the one-tail jinchuriki. Says that it's finally the time."

Sasori-danna nods, "Thank you."

Hidan laughs as Kakuzu catches up, looking around for something, his cloak not on. Then I notice Hidan holding an extra cloak and I laugh.

"Tired of always having to ruin mine for Jashin, not that I'm complaining, but I'd rather wear his," Hidan laughs his goodbye and sprints off.

Sasori-danna rolls his eyes and leads me off to Sir Leader's office. Upon arriving we are ushered in quickly.

"Good," I see that shadow smiling from behind that looming desk I know all too well as Sir Leader begins addressing us, "the message got to you."

"Of course Sir Leader," Sasori-danna bows. I bow in suit.

"I'm trust you know why you're here."

"Yes, Sir Leader, un," I answer.

He smiles, maniacally as always, "I will expect you to be ready to depart to the village hidden in the sand very soon. I would like you preferably to leave tomorrow morning. Will that be possible?"

"Yes Sir Leader," we answer in unison, me with an 'un' at the end as always.

"Good, I shall brief you on the minor details at departure time. Good night."

We bow as he watches us leave, still smiling.

"We have to leave tomorrow morning, un!" I exclaim once we're out of Sir Leader's hearing range.

"Don't complain, we haven't had to do anything major in a long time."

"But Sasori-danna, that doesn't leave us much time alone, un," I pout.

He smiles, "Then let's go make the most of it." I laugh, pulling him to me with one arm and kissing him deeply after pushing his back to the wall. Through the kiss I think about the worries that we're going to have to face. Major battles, apprehending demons, everything dangerous. I'm worried about losing my danna already, but then I feel his arms around me and I remember one thing. He promised me. He promised me that we'd always be together, and as the kiss ends I know that going into the hidden sand village will not change that promise. I know that my danna and I will always be together.

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THE END

PLEASE REVIEW!

(I know that I'm mean...)


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